to Call and Be Called
by Ciara-Dragon
Summary: 21st century Allen remembers pieces from his last life. Then his normal life is interrupted...by what else than Noah and akuma? -yullen and lavlena- /first chapters being rewritten/
1. Gomenasai

/A/N: Hello everybody, thanks for checking out this fic of mine. :)

As some of you may know, I became really bothered my the bad quality of the first three chapters of this fic, so I am now (in 2011) renewing them. This is the outcome of the first renewal project, Chapter 1 Renewed. :')

Enjoy~ /**  
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* * *

**1. **_**Gomenasai**_

It had already been his 16th birthday when he had started getting back his memories. But even to this day, pretty much a year after, he didn't remember everything. Since it had dawned to him that the connection between now and then wasn't exactly small, remembering the Earl and the Noah became something he couldn't take as a sweet afterglow from his last life in the 19th Century; it was pure pain. Yes, remembering his former enemies meant painful memories of what had happened. Yet there was something that often topped even those: the memories about his own self.

Allen was a pretty realistic guy, really. He knew all those things were in the past and that it should not hurt or change anything even if he let himself know. He had a pretty good life, though orphan now on this century just like back then. He had his fair share of happiness and most importantly, peace. But what he really brooded on about the past was how the war hadn't actually been won with the best of victories. He didn't really remember everything about it, but he remembered the sadness, the agony, the helplessness of the end.

Yet, here they all were again. They had at least the outer elements to themselves alike to the past lives'. Maybe his Innocence wasn't what it used to be – hardly able to banish evil spirits – but since there were no akuma, what need would there be for a stronger weapon? It seemed like the others didn't have Innocence at all, which could be easily explained by the plain fact that he was the only (old) parasitic type on the school grounds. Or at least he thought he was… Ah, it was just too confusing to keep thinking about the past as part of the present. He didn't want to go to school today anyway; this was only making it harder.

Allen, the white-haired boy with a scary looking, deformed left arm, yawned tiredly as he looked at his reflection in the mirror. What a joke. Here he was: the child who had fought the most powerful of villains, Millennium Earl _and won_, too scared to go to school in time just because he had heard a certain individual had moved to his school. In itself, the whole fear was on questionable basis; Allen had never _feared_ him before. Sure they had had their arguments and even fought, but never had there been any reason for either of them to be afraid of the other. Well, that man was known worldwide in the present time and for nothing less than his extraordinary skill of the sword. That would have been a good reason to worry for anyone else, but Allen was a karate black-belt, one who had earned the black as a 13-year-old and then quit for he lost interest.

But Kanda…he was different. Somehow or other, Allen knew things were different, he knew there was something…more to the Japanese now. And _that_ was what worried him. For this was the beginning of 21st Century, 2017, the humans relied on information gathered by scientists to make their life easier and make up for the excitement they missed by living too comfortably. Even what had made Yu Kanda a special Exorcist in the past felt unreasonably light, knowing all the similar experiments surely taking place all over the globe.

_It's strange we have the same names and bodies in this life… _Allen thought as he scanned the insides of his wardrobe for something to wear. It all consisted mainly of two colors, but it had been a long time since he had last had money to buy new clothes.

…_And what is that made us be born again anyway?_

Black and white were good colors, he kind of liked them. So in the end he chose his normal attire of a white sweater (cotton and wool), gloves and black trousers. The trousers felt a little too tight, forcing him to admit it would be time to buy new ones soon. The reality swept away the ponderings of the long gone knowledge.

* * *

The school buildings weren't exactly inviting. They didn't say "Welcome to learn my pupils" like the newer buildings did. No. These here were obviously high-class and not meant to be educational institutes to begin with. During and after the World Wars, the place had been used as a hospital until the people who founded the school bought it. Allen got this snotty-bastard vibe from the high-and-mighty front entrance and the main courtyard, now littered with benches, trees and even a small basketball court to entertain the students with free time in their hands. Usually there were people who would greet him there but now he was _late_. Oh happiness.

He stood in front of his classroom and took a deep breath before knocking. The teacher opened the door and looked down to Allen, finishing his last sentence:

"…wasn't thought as the most carefully completed one. Allen Walker, you're late again. We're interested in hearing your excuse. Come on in and talk loudly, please", he was clearly making fun of Allen but the boy didn't even flinch. That teacher wasn't the nicest – well if you called Marian Cross nice you'd have to be insane or a sexy young woman. Cross had taught Allen many, many things, that man had helped him when everything fell on him. But even so, the almost-18-year-old didn't like really _like_ the man.

"I overslept", Allen said.

"What? I'm sure the people in the back didn't quite hear you."

Really, they even lived in the same house, but never on the same schedule. Usually it was _Allen_ who was in time, not his damned Master Cross.

"I OVERSLEPT, MASTER", he shouted so loud the classroom next to theirs could also hear. The class went quiet. There were many eyes that now looked like they were colored plates, so wide open.

_It's turning out to be just as bad a day as I thought it would_, he sighed to himself.

The silence was broken by airy laughter, coming from a recognizable source. Allen didn't have to turn his gaze to know it was the redhead of a bookworm:

"A HAHAHA! What the hell Allen? It's not like the teacher is your master or anything!" Lavi laughed. The said teacher glared at the boy, silencing him instantly. Lavi went more and more bluish under his red hair as the other redhead closed in on him.

"Now what is this? Have I not made it clear to you young man; you are NOT to interfere with my apprentice", the teacher suddenly reminded Allen of the Marian Cross back in the nineteenth century. Even though the adult gave the youngster a scary look Lavi fought back with an angry grin:

"Allen-chan's my pal, so I don't care what you say."

"He's my _servant_, bookworm", Cross thundered.

"He likes me more!"

Well, at least that was obviously true.

Allen smiled at the former bookman. It was pretty surprising to hear him say something like that. Something that clearly showed out he cared of the people around him, unlike a Bookman was supposed to. Well, in the end, Lavi had always been different with that, at least as long as Allen had known him. Though – he had to remind himself – this Lavi wasn't a Bookman. "Lavi" was his real, given name, Grayman his surname, and they had been friends for many years already: longer than Lavi had been under the care of some care-free uncle.

"Quit chatting about Moyashi, nobody's interested", the slightly accented words interrupted them, just when the debate was about to continue. Allen flinched.

_Tell me I'm wrong…_

This was only the first week of the new period in this college: this was the second history lesson of the new course, so Allen had been _certain_ that individual would not pop up here.

"He's no bean sprout, Yuu-tan! His name is Allen – come on, say it!" Lavi grinned at the samurai like he had always been opposing the older man. Like hell he had, if you ask Allen, not in this life.

Allen's forgotten smile faded away as the longhaired samurai stood up, as if the other young man had offended him badly. Which he had not - Lavi had barely said his first name. Allen had no strength to do a thing, hadn't the teacher almost pushed him he would not even have sat down. Cross took control of the fiery situation in a blink of an eye:

"Kanda Yu, all students are equal in our school no matter how famous they're or not. You're clearly going off limits. This is my class and I expect everyone to honor it. You too, young mister", he referred to Lavi, making the younger red-head sit down with an intense glare. Kanda also sat down, his hands flat on the desk, like he was just as relaxed as ever.

Allen was a bit happy his seat was in the front row.

* * *

The school cafeteria was cramped as always. Allen was accompanied by Lavi when on the way to the tables under a glass roof. It was pretty popular with those who didn't like the rest of the school but they knew better than to go between Allen Walker and his food and there was always at least some table free for him. Especially now that the 17-year-old had become the favorite of the cooks via his extracurricular activities (he was the new home economics club assisting teacher).

"…it's ridiculous of you to pay him so much attention, y' know, I think there're rumors spreading among the female population of you being gay. …Hey, Allen? Allen-kun? Allen-CHAN? Ah, whatever, space out all you want, all I'm doing here is trying to help you save your reputation y' know… Oh, it's Yuu-_chan_", Lavi chit chat died out to him skillfully evading a kick aimed to his jaw. The white-haired youth next to the redhead blinked as he woke up from his daydreams (that of course never stopped him from eating).

Allen felt flustered, realizing only afterwards that Lavi had said a whole lot of other words aside from "It's Yuu-chan".

"Eh? Why are you sitting here?" Lavi raised his eyebrows at the Japanese, who had actually sat down at their table, on Lavi's side of the table though to the other end.

"You have the only table with free space, idiot _usagi_", was the answer. Allen glanced around and saw at least three other tables like theirs. Kanda's murdering black aura kept him silent, though.

* * *

One moment he had just been sitting in a bus on his way home as usual, bored in his own thoughts. Then the bus driver had suddenly screamed in horror and there had been flash of bright light. Afterwards Allen knew about nothing but noise, shouting, crashing and pain. He had trouble opening his eyes. Would he want to know what had made such a horrible sound?

Well he had to find out where he was, at least. The pain in his right hand was far too big to just ignore. He opened his grey eyes and looked around, moving his aching head slowly and carefully. What he saw was much more painful than he had thought. Loads of blood, dead people crashed around with metal junk, some fire where there had been engines, cracks of electricity snapping here and there. Then he looked at his left arm. It… looked strangely familiar. Huge and… white. His eyes widened when he recognized his activated Innocence – how could it be all big like that suddenly? But then he also recognized the feeling of it being pierced through. He sharpened his eyes that were unwilling to follow the order. Finally getting his sight under control he looked at the arm and flinched. It had been stabbed with a dagger made of something dark and cold.

_Dark matter!_ his brain screamed to him, _Akuma! Or Noah! You must get up and walk, fight!_

Yet because of that black thing he was unable to move, no matter what he tried. His human arm wasn't strong enough to pull it out and his Innocence was punctured by an equally strong substance of the other side.

* * *

Lavi bit his tongue to keep himself under control. Whoever that big man was, he sure enough was crazy. He didn't even know how it was possible for someone to control lightning like that. Making it fly across the street to designated targets like in some rather fantasy/sci-fi-style movie. Like in the animated superhero series the redhead still sometimes watched. Looking through the glass window of the café he had felt as if he was watching one of them…

…Until a wheel from the used-to-be-passing bus had broken through the window, almost hitting Lenalee who had been with him.

To think that all of what was happening at the street was the cause of one enraged man…

"It's…Skin Boric…" Lenalee gasped from behind the table she had been pushed to by Lavi's quick reflexes.

"Skin what?" Lavi asked, eyes wide, feeling the weight of a huge question mark above his head.

"Skin Boric. The Noah Kanda killed…" the girl explained with a blank expression on her face before suddenly bursting into fear, "Oh no, are the Noah back?" she cried. Lavi could do nothing but sit down beside her and try to reason his way out of the question she hadn't answered well enough.

_Has Kanda killed someone? And that man was obviously alive_, he thought, frowning.

* * *

"_We've received an alarming amount of calls for help here in the studio! Dozens of people have apparently been injured in a mysterious accident downtown. Some say they are surrounded by dead people. We've already contacted the police and help is arriving, as are our reporters. Stay tuned for news!"_ Kanda frowned at the radio. What the hell? They never sounded this alarmed before.

A mysterious accident in the days of computers and video surveillance? Maybe the biggest mystery here was that it was a mystery. How the hell was it even possible for something that had happened in the center of a city as big and developed as this one to be a _mystery_? It was like sky was able to fall after all.

_Or_, he thought, _this person knows how to effectively spread terror. Is a professional at it._

He stood up from his lotus and tugged the sword in its new scabbard before taking it with him. It was not in his nature to just meditate when there was some mysterious action going on somewhere nearby.

* * *

People had gathered around the accident place. Police was keeping the hysterical crowds from jumping into the mess that consisted of fire-brigade's flame soothing foam, small snaps of electricity, crying people, whimpering people, dead people, blood, water, car wrecks and smoke. Kanda was easily able to jump into the mess when he just told the young police with the name tag reading "officer Boa Hesse" that he had seen other accidents before and was probably just as able to help the people within the mess as an emergency doctor would. She probably recognized him, especially since he was carrying a katana on his back, which most likely helped in letting someone in.

Kanda did help some people, his sword being of assistance when the metal carcass had imprisoned people in its sharp arms. He never said a word to them though, even when he was begged to say at least _something_. All he did was swiftly opening a way outside a wreck for them or pulling them into a puddle of water and foam so their burns would calm down. He had this feeling somewhere inside him, this touch of restlessness, like he was here for something specific.

Then he sensed something out of ordinary and – following his senses – walked to a bus wreck and slowly around and over it. Those who had survived were already gone – of all the bus riders still there none was alive. Kanda placed his feet carefully and finally arrived to see what had triggered his sense of supernatural. A huge hand with lethal-looking claws was stabbed from the middle with a knife that glowed as black as the hand glowed white. Something in the Japanese man's brain tried to tell him something but he had no time to listen.

"_Oi_", he called out to the human-shaped creature linked to the strange hand, "were you the one behind this mess?"

Allen turned around, shocked to find that Kanda had been the first one to answer his Call.

"_Moyashi?_" he uttered out with his usual frown deepening from the sight of the white-haired boy. He couldn't imagine any circumstances with Allen at fault to something like this. The younger one was just too soft for it.

_The hell I can tell, I only know his name from school._

"_Gomenasai, Yu…_ I almost died on you again…" he sighed and smiled weakly. Kanda stared at him. What the fuck was the bean-sprout talking about? And why was he calling him by his first name? And wait, since when had the British kid known _Japanese_?

Instead of just standing there pondering about the boy, he took action by taking a hold of the black dagger piercing the boy's strange left hand and pulling with all his might. It came out rather easily, though he sure could feel the vengeful aura of rage it emitted.

"…Don't call me by my first name like we were friends: we aren't", he then snarled at the boy who just smiled as if recalling something very old. That smile was rather disturbing and he didn't bother keeping that thought secret from Allen, who just smiled more when he heard that.

It turned out that Allen was unable to walk with his injured feet and so Kanda – unwillingly – took the smaller one in his arms and carried him through the foamy and smoky mess surrounding the place he had found Allen from. Kanda never said a word – and Allen never asked.

* * *

/ A/N: Let's get one thing straight from the beginning: I am not fondo f cliffhangers and will not write them on here, at least not on purpose. I will renew te chapters up to at least 3, but it's slow since I am still continuing this fic as well. ;D

Please poke me somehow, I really need more feedback than I'm getting to get back on the roll. /


	2. Koko ni Iru Yo

/ A/N: More update of February 5th: I've forgotten the divider lines here and there. D: So I'm going through all the chapters to put them in. /

**2. **_**Koko ni iru yo!**_

They had gotten interviewed. Lavi didn't like being interviewed to the TV – he didn't want to appear in front of everyone anywhere, he didn't like being _recorded_ into whatever the film-material was. It had always been his way: staying on the very top of news, knowing maybe even more than the people themselves, but hating his knowledge being used by others.

He was a bookworm, yes, but it didn't mean he was a weak soul who only lived to record things. No, he was a bookworm with _intelligence_ and one who always knew where he was and where he was going to be. Not many knew he was adventurous and a good fighter, a tactic with abnormal skills.

One of those "not many" who knew was Lenalee Lee – the sister of the craziest science teacher EVER. Lenalee knew many things about people around her and she was somehow easy to be with. Her beauty got most fooled, but she was actually one of the brightest young women Lavi had ever seen, met or read about. Also Komui – that crazy brother of hers – knew the truth about Lavi. Komui was a genius – at least as far as Lavi could know, for that teacher about NEVER came to his own lessons and made Reever Wenham (the analytic living next door to the school) come instead.

"I can't say what happened, I didn't see", the Lavi in TV had told the reporter. Lavi in person, currently watching TV, groaned in anger. He had never thought an empty comment like that would end up in the evening news. What would Gramps say to this? No, of course he wouldn't be able to say a thing – no one could say a thing from beyond the grave (peace to his soul) – but his opinion still weighted a lot more to the redhead than most.

"C'mon old Panda" he said to the empty room, "lend me your head for a while. This is becoming a BIG mess."

There was no answer, but that wasn't so big a surprise. Even when the Panda still lived, there would mainly be silence around. Peace to his soul.

This dilemma was making the redhead angry, so he shut the TV by pressing the remote's red button with his toe and then knocked his forehead, in order to make himself think harder.

* * *

He gave everybody a huge smile when entering the podium.

"Good morning everyone, it's ever so nice to see you all here this early in the morning," he greeted his audience, "Under the strict surveillance of our beloved history teacher Marian Cross, I am here to talk to you all today, since a little…mishap happened earlier, forcing me into the position of teaching you what happened in England through all 19th Century… The clock is ticking, so yeah, let's begin… At the beginning of that Century, England was ruled by…." and so on, he talked and talked with a motionless smile and lively eyes, captivating most of the students present. His knowledge surprised their "beloved history teacher" Cross, though he didn't show it of course.

When Lavi Grayman walked down from the Punishment Podium he quietly hoped that Allen would've been present during this. He would've cherished the smaller boy's encouraging smile, and maybe he would've been able to ignore The Yu's Glare™. The fact that Allen wasn't here worried him, though. Really, really worried him. Allen was his very good friend, had been for years, so it was natural. Normally Allen would've at least sent him an empty text message if he was going to skip Cross' lessons again…

The final five minutes of the lessons consisted of Cross giving them huge piles of…let's just call it STRANGE…homework. Many misunderstood it today, too, Lavi was sure. As for himself, he wouldn't necessarily HAVE to write down all of that, everything was clearly written inside his head, anyway.

So, as he strode outside, the day was opening before him as a homework free one! More than cool, for once…

Then, he found himself gasping aloud. The scene was far from what he had expected to come across, anytime, anywhere.

"_Oi, Usagi!_ Get your mother fucking butt over here, carrying this bean around is not my job, it's yours", the cold voice belonging to no other than the feared athlete samurai, Yu Kanda, sure as hell reached the redhead's ears. He did like Kanda though, the guy was icky and picky, but Lavi knew he had a heart inside, too. Or…well…he trusted Lenalee at that. And Komui had given positive reference for the Japanese at his entrance to the school, too…

"But I thought you were strong, Yu…" Lavi pouted, seemingly giving the Japanese an ulcer.

"That has nothing to do with beans. Take him", he grumbled and pushed the seemingly sound asleep sleepwalking Allen Walker to the redhead he preferred to call "Bunny" or "Carrot".

"Oh…you know, beans are light to carry, I just thought you'd be strong enough to…" okay, maybe showing Kanda that he had not gotten Lavi's message right wasn't the brightest of ideas in the middle of a school day when everyone's having a break outside or going home. No, it wasn't the best of plans, yet it had already passed. Lavi gave a faint squeak and within milliseconds he was on his way, carrying Allen bridal-style and just barely managing to hold the space between his dearly beloved thighs and that cursed sword the samurai had secretly been carrying.

* * *

Lenalee gave him the odd eye. She still had her phone at hand and the other hand was at her hip, making her posture even more like that of a scolding mother. Lavi had no idea what more to say so he just grinned stupidly and hoped he would be forgiven this once.

As if realizing the intimidating situation he was in, Allen suddenly started to wake up. Yawning with superb technique that made some small cracks sound from his jaw _and_ his neck he nuzzled closer to Lavi just before opening his hazy eyes and slowly grasping the place.

"Yu…where are we? Oh…hello Lenalee", he mumbled and Lavi raised his eyebrows. Yu? Was Allen really calling the infamous samurai by his first name?

"I have to say, you really make your moves quickly when you have a relationship at hand. Never knew Yu-chan would buy it, though", Lavi grinned and the grin grew into a laugh when the white-haired boy in his arms suddenly realized he was not in Kanda's arms, but Lavi's.

Oh…_shit._

"Allen…umm…what's happened to you? You kind of look like you've been run over or something…" Lenalee raised her sweet voice. At least her presence made Allen feel a little bit better…though he really would've preferred a little more scary-no, no. No way!

"…Heeey…did Kanda do this to you?" Lavi teased

"No. No, he didn't", Allen answered honestly, then quickly and more suspiciously continued, "What makes you think he would have?"

"Well…maybe that you were calling to him when you woke up, kind of like you were totally used to snuggling with him in the morning", Lavi laughed at Allen's shocked face and then screamed when the smaller boy started whacking him:

"I-DO-NOT-SNUGGLE-WITH-_HIM_! I HATE HIM, LAVI, I HAAAAAATE HIM!"


	3. Otôsan

/ A/N: More update of February 5th: Continuing with the divider lines... Dx /

**3. **_**Otô-san**_

_I haaaaaate him!_

Indeed, that was what he had said, screamed, really. It was just him panicking, though – he had had no time to think anything through. For the people present to have been Lavi and Lenalee of all people was both a good and a bad thing. Sure, Lavi was a good guy, a trustworthy friend and yes, Lenalee was so very much the same as she_ used to_ with her brilliance and love…but there was that problem Allen had trouble eliminating – the two of them were both observers and very good at it, could he trust them not to make him suffer? They both had the skill to pierce through roles and dig up the truth from any creature. (…Okay, Cross _might_ be an exception? But wasn't he always?)

To be honest, Allen wasn't sure of his feelings at all. Yeah sure, he had loved him, once, but he had also hated him, Kanda being that _him_, of course. Right now, all he had ever been able to gather from the thumping thing in his chest and all the other agonies of a living body, was that he was a little afraid of the Japanese. Someone you fear rarely turns into someone you love, isn't that so?

_Just tell me I'm not really ending up the same I already once did!_ Allen almost cursed in his thoughts. But oh boy, how good the fact was, that Lenalee Lee had a spare room and Cross's number and he could stay over. His body was still living the after effects of the…accident yesterday.

Problem? Lenalee Lee was a sharp girl and Allen was not quite as brilliant. AND she had a mad brother, who had better not learn that he was there for a stay over.

"Lavi's gone, you can talk freely now, Allen", she started the feared interrogation immediately after Allen had taken a shower. He felt like he should be shivering from fear: not only because Lenalee's power-of-interrogation worked on him but also because he wasn't quite sure of the answer himself.

"I don't think I can, really", he answered finally, cutting the silence. He let his orb-like eyes reach the green ones of the girl beside him. She was a beautiful young woman, had always been, yet it was her nature that really made her shine. Allen had always liked her strong and sensual way of life.

"Why not? Allen, even if it's something embarrassing or horrible, don't you think you should at least try to tell? I know you trust me as much I trust you."

"Please, Lenalee. I promise I'll tell you what I know when I know it, but as of now, I'm probably more out of it than you are."

Lenalee pouted, her eyes had the look of an unsatisfied cat. Try to say no twice to a dissatisfied cat.

"Okay, I'll tell you the little I know, but you must promise not to take any precautions of your own or start imagining something weird. I have to somehow make this clear to myself first…"

"Yes yes, take your time. Kanda never was the easiest to figure out…"

Allen sighs at the mention of the dreadful name and falls into silence for a while, then starts to tell the Chinese about the happenings yesterday. As he remembers pieces from here and there, it's her job to put the pieces in their time and place, because such trivialities don't interest the confused albino right now.

* * *

_After skillfully having been taken away from the scene of accident, Allen was woken up with a punch to the chest and somehow the two of them ended up fighting about the ways to wake up those who are unconscious. Even at the moment, Allen still somehow felt like a clown. Like he was doing this for the laughs. Well, it wasn't the thing, it just so happened the man he disliked in a lot of ways had made him wake up in an uncomfortable way. And his hand was still hurting._

_Then Kanda probably had enough of barking at the boy as well, as he grabbed Allen by the labels and rumbled:_

"_The hell, Moyashi? I saved you pitiful ass back there so have some respect and stop complaining like a little girl", his voice was low and harsh, like a katana slashing the air in two. Allen blinked away the memories of the previous life as fast as he could. This Kanda wasn't the same one. This Kanda, though seemingly more skilled with people than the last Yu Kanda, was even worse. This Kanda had ten sticks up his ass, this Kanda turned his head and his back on Allen when not interested – which was most of the time of course._

_They were at a river bend. Allen wasn't sure which one of the two rivers that had given the city life centuries ago, but the water was clearer than where they reached the sea, seven kilometers from his home. So this place was somewhere upriver from the city…_

_Somehow, he eventually let the samurai wash his wounds, which were luckily only large in numbers. The left hand was the only exception: it had a black stab-wound. It didn't hurt now that his hand was… …what…? What had that white thing been? It couldn't possibly have been Innocence. But it sure had looked like the first form it had ever taken. _This Allen didn't mention to Lenalee, though.

_Afterwards, he remembered having a fight-colored trip around a forest in order to find a "shack" Kanda knew. When he was finally pushed on the lonely bed in that fisherman's shack, he only fell asleep right away, not sparing a thought on anything at all._

_

* * *

_

"…All in all, I think it was a random day at best. I'm not sure much of what I remember has even really happened, because…well…I've been sleeping and I still feel sleepy and hungry..." he finished, shrugging. Lenalee giggled behind her hand. Allen smiled a bit.

"I understand now what Lavi meant when he said you are a trouble magnet. I mean sure, that accident wasn't your fault, but to be saved by the one and only famous asshole of the school…"

It took a while for Allen to get what she was saying. Lenalee had never been the type to call people names. Except maybe Lavi, who had many times found out his name was dope or something alike. But it didn't surprise him much. Lenalee had some first-hand experience on the Japanese, because the teachers had thought they came from the same country and made them do many things together.

"Yeah, seems like it. But I still owe that asshole now", Allen had to destroy the chance of having some fun on the samurai's behalf. His sense of justice was strong no matter the bad influence of Master Cross.

"…To be honest, Allen, he's not that bad. Just a little hard by nature. But he's actually kind…"

"What are you talking about? Kanda isn't nice. He never was and he probably never will be."

"Oh, you know him better?" the girl snapped and the boy quivered at his own stupidity. What kind of secret keeping was this? He didn't want to be labeled mad because of what really was his past. He couldn't trust his lonely secret to anyone, especially not Lenalee Lee, who suffered so greatly in the war.

"Doesn't everyone? You know, he's always snappy and bitchy: in TV and at school and everywhere. He's famous of that. Not anyone could hide kindness under that kind of mask for the whole of his life!"

_How dare I insult him? I'm the worst._

"Lenalee…you know, I'm tired of this subject. Do you have something special you'd like to talk to me about or would you let me sleep?"

She looked into the silvery eyes for many seconds before nodding with a small pout:

"Very well then, I don't want to argue with you. If you need something just go get it, you know where everything is… Good night, Allen", she smiled before clicking the lights off from beside the door. Allen smiled back in the darkness:

"Yes. Good night, Lenalee."

* * *

The following morning Allen and Lenalee both avoided last night's subject of what happened to Allen and anything about Kanda. They watched the news report on the Thunder Breakdown, as the media had dubbed the event: the police avoided giving any details that mattered to the reporters and the few comments from eyewitnesses were relayed over and over. Lavi was one of those poor people whose faces had been chosen to endless replay. Not that his comment had any depth to it at all._"I can't say what happened, I didn't see",_ the Lavi in TV told the reporter and the TV made him tell to everyone who happened to be watching. Which was probably a vast amount of people. Of course, the small comment was overanalyzed to mean that either the young man was so shocked he had forgotten or had something to hide.

"I think Lavi did see something," Lenalee sighed beside Allen, drinking her morning coffee, "and so did I. It was no power failure or anything like that. It was a huge man…not that I know _how_ he did what he did but it seemed like he made thunder hit the power lines…"

"…But of course you couldn't tell that to the reporters. I understand. It'd me huge mess if the media got to know…I hope none of the survivors starts telling the truth. I didn't see anything but it was very confusing…"

"…Oh. It's time to get going. We have PE together, no?"

"Really? …Oh! It's already Thursday? You're right then. Shall we…"

* * *

After Allen had gotten all the information he could from the Thunder Breakdown during the last few days. He of course would've loved to at least take Sunday free of research, but his damned "caretaker" didn't agree to it. Not that Allen really complained this time – the redhead was actually _working_. Working head and toes. Cross Marian was known to be…well, quite lazy… but Allen knew it wasn't the whole truth about him.

Cross Marian, history teacher at the moment, was also a researcher. His name was big in the circles, after all, he had invented all kinds of interesting but non-profiting things and also found some sort of weird ruin in Italy. If that's not enough to make someone wonder, he also had stepped out of the smoking remains of the DI (Desert Institution) after its brutal explosive destruction, as the sole survivor. A fact was also, that he had taken the genius twin's little ward, a petite boy, into his protection. That petite boy was of course Allen Walker, the boy with weird, unsymmetrical features.

Allen knew all the aforementioned and also something else. He did remember something about the genius twins, about what they done and taught him. He remembered the other of the men better, because he had been nicer to the boy and the one who had picked him from the streets of London and brought him back to life. Allen had gotten his first name from his brother, who had one day started unconsciously to call him Allen, and his surname was that of the twins' alias. Walker.

Mana Walker.

If someone was to be his father, Allen preferred to think it was Mana.

He knew it had to be destiny. Just like any 21st Century youth, Allen Walker didn't like the thought of destiny leading him onwards, but he had to bow his head now. Because he remembered. Remembered the Innocence, weapon of God, wielding it had never once been anything but fate for the Exorcists. Also, he remembered many faces and stories alongside his own…what he had known back then was truly coming back to him. He remembered Mana. Mana and his "Keep walking". He had never said that in this life, though, at least not when Allen was around.

And the light-haired youth had his Innocence. Again. Or maybe still. After sleeping long and tight in the fisherman's shack Kanda had brought him into, he had found himself slowly seeing a bigger picture of this. The Walker geniuses had thought him how to banish evil spirits…exorcism of the modern day. He had had been able to do it quite well with his deformed hand, not needing the equipment many other exorcists had needed…until now, he had thought it was just maybe a small gift from God, like a keepsake for the last life. Oh, but it was so much more…an actual Innocence.

Cross played a major role in this mess somehow, Allen sensed it from the way the man threw himself into it. The once-General had been working with the Walker twins for some time, Allen knew it…just not how long or what they had been doing together. On Thursday afternoon, he had picked Allen straight from school and they had soon started the investigation. Cross was suddenly talkative, telling Allen about similar happenings around the globe, rarely in as populated areas as this but of many aspects the very same… He was leading Allen into a deep and complicated web the boy found himself calmly facing.

Having been an Exorcist, the promised one at that, and now having regained much of those memories…Allen felt like he was being reborn. The world had slowed it's rotation at the DI's destruction, then taken a slow but steady pace onwards. Now the pace was slowly but surely speeding up around him.

_Or maybe it has done that for a longer time_, the scarred youth mused to himself, _Since these things like the Thunder Breakdown have been going on for longer than I have lived. And it seemed to not only activate my Innocence, but also it sort of brought Kanda to me. I called for help, like I did _at that moment_ and he came… I wonder if he's had similar experiences… Still, I can't tell Cross about it_, he took the old and wrinkled newspaper from the said man, _It doesn't seem much like he remembers the past. It would be a mess if he found out I have an arm that changes shape._

Consciously, Allen straightened the fabric of his white glove, though he knew Cross didn't mind the red arm at all.

_I just have to work this out on my own. There's no guarantee anyone knows about the past but me. I have to protect them from this._

_I have to protect them from the return of the Noah._

_

* * *

_

Thus, as the days of research and information load turned into weeks of it, science team –like coffee intake started to affect everything the two of them did. Cross could hold his liquor well, but coffee something else. The teacher went downhill as did his ward, which, eventually, made the school worried. So they got into a serious talk with the secretary and the vice principal, somehow survived that, slept for a few hours in bundles huddled in and around their research, and then continued like they hadn't been warned at all.

"_Allen, I want you to help me figure the meaning behind these things. We have to use the data we have to find out more and draw a bigger, better picture… This involves so many lives yet the governments all around the globe don't even sniff at it. They blame terrorists in US and China and Russia see it as an act against them. Africa tries to recover from all the similar things that have happened there without help and Europe pretends it's all in their heads. And our Atlantic Union is in between the lot of them…"_

"_But Master, we are just two human beings. All of this is…just grand scale! We won't be able to do much, just the two of us…"_

"_Don't be childish now. Remember all the great names of the history. They have all started from a scratch with maybe even less man power than we have right now. Besides, we have no time. This happened way sooner than I expected, which means everything else is going to happen without me knowing beforehand. Allen, I need you to help, right now and here. Will you do it?"_

"…_Yes. I will do it."_

Master had been serious that Saturday. When Cross Marian was serious, in meant he knew what he was talking about a 100 %. And he was asking for Allen's help. _Asking._ The albino could still feel his senses tickle.

Then one day, they got a call from Komui Lee.

After putting down the phone, Cross had suddenly turned…what, was this sadness? Then he had stacked together the most important parts of their research, knocked Allen unconscious with the way too familiar kind of hammer, and taken him with him to this place Allen was now in.

Everything was indeed speeding up.


	4. Mirai

/ A/N: Hello again, folks. :3 It's shocking I'm actually still publishing this fic, though it really has basically no reviewing audience. ._. Well, I dunno what to say anymore, since I think you all can relate to me as someone who wants feedback and gets inspired by it.

The latest chapter of reminded me of one thing: THIS FIC CONTAINS A LOT OF SPOILERS. I mean, not too much as to the plot since I'm trying to avoid it, but the characters and their history DO HAVE TO APPEAR to make this work. D: Run away, children who have are not reading scanlations! I'm warning you.

This chapter is Lenalee's POV.

Enjoy~ /

* * *

**4. **_**Mirai**_

In three weeks time, everything had changed.

Everything.

Everything important to her was…somewhere else than she was.

_Allen, where are you?_

He had gone missing so suddenly…without leaving any clues behind. So had his foster father, Cross. Most suspicious.

Komui was in Italy. Lenalee could trust her brother's word that he truly was there.

She found it hard to believe that Lavi would have gone with him as they had told her in an e-mail when she had asked.

_Lavi, where are you?_

Usually, after they had started going out sometimes, Lavi had told her everything. Sometimes even more than she needed to know…but it had succeeded in keeping her calm. Lavi was…he had been a Bookman. Not the most trustworthy of occupations. So Lenalee had always felt insecure sometimes…a little worried about whether he was serious about her or not.

But now Lavi was not a Bookman. His name was Grayman. His grandpa had been the same man than in the last life, but he hadn't worn the dark make-up and been rather greatly happier. More…grandpa-like. Though Lavi had still called him Panda and they had their fights and all.

Lenalee sighed and dropped the book she had tried to read. It had been upside down anyway, but… Oh, since there maybe possibly probably was a god of some kind, why hadn't that entity given her some way to know what those men most likely knew? She only had memories. Memories, memories, memories. Memories of having Innocence, of life in HQ, of fights, of all the people, all the people…

Allen, Kanda, Lavi, Bookman, Krory, Miranda, Komui, Reever, Johnny, Tapp, Bak and countless other names. Some closer to her heart than some, bigger in the picture that had once been a broken puzzle she's had to gather up. She had found all the pieces already. All faces were complete. That had been important for her, more important than what had happened.

She stared outside absentmindedly. The school grounds had become familiar to her, since she's come here for years. For as long as Komui had worked here, she would've come here… She saw a familiar, tall and slender form. The high ponytail swayed from side to side when he walked. From this high and far, she couldn't really tell, but she knew he would have the usual scowl on his face.

_Kanda. Why are you the only one left here with me?_

Even Reever from by the school was missing. He had actually left a bit longer time ago, taken a vacation and gone to China. Lenalee would've loved to go with him, but there had been no excuse for her to go to her home country. Reever had already known Chinese before meeting the two of them and later on perfected it with the Lee siblings. Lenalee liked the guy; he was the best help at controlling the sometimes ridiculously silly Lee. But this time, she was a bit mad at him, too… They had all left her behind.

Kanda walked in the school during Lenalee's thinking and she knew he would appear here with precision. Always. Kanda was always very precise. He always came to the art lessons the two of them had together eight minutes before the lessons started. Eight, because it wasn't ten, which was too long for a chat with her, and because it wasn't five, which was too little for that.

She had been serious when she told Allen Kanda wasn't actually that bad. Of course, you had to dig in to him, hang around him a lot and be patient in order to find out about this miraculous aspect, but true it was. And true enough, said man appeared at the very same second of the day he had a week ago, hair looking the very same perfect it always did, the secret fangirl club not so secretly trailing behind him. She stood up from her place by the window and collected the book she hadn't really been able to read into her bag.

"Good morning, Kanda."

"Morning."

"Hey, have you heard anything about Allen?"

"Che. Why ask me about that _moyashi_?"

"Because there's no one else to ask it from! Come on, I know you have sources I don't. Tell me."

"… Nothing. On either of them. I haven't asked but he went after them anyway…"

"Of course he did! He wants to show he cares."

"Hmph. He hasn't even met them. The both of them are idiots, probably just got run over by a car."

"Kanda! Don't say that! They're our good friends."

"No, they're _your_ good friends. I have nothing to do with the Carrot or the Bean", these cruel words said, the famous samurai strolled off and into the classroom, to the back row seat he always took, in every classroom possible, and shut himself from Lenalee again.

She pouted and joined her girlfriends instead. Kanda still didn't seem to have a clue about the truth. About the past, the way everything had been, the way they had drifted together again now. His way of ignorance seemed even harder in this life than it had ever been back then. It was like he wasn't just trying to stay away from friendship, but all and every aspect of life which included knowing people who knew you. Lenalee felt a little sick at this, even she couldn't take much of that kind of behavior.

* * *

_Kanda stood alone._

_He had always had that stoic figure. Lenalee had been in the Order HQ longer, so she could say she knew that even better than Lavi. She knew Kanda…very well. They were the same age and from similar countries. China wasn't that far from Japan._

_Had she only known the truth about him, that kind of naïveté would've made her shudder. But Kanda had been introduced as a pureblood Japanese son of a samurai, one of the few survivors of the mess Earl had made of that country, and…Lenalee had felt some kin with him. _Kin_. Every other Chinese knew some Japanese._

_But the way Kanda looked had changed when the war intensified. In those moments of silence spent meditating together, his form…the ever so straight back and the cold-steel like gracefulness…it had changed. It had…developed a softness, you could say. She liked him a little more like that…a little more humane…but, she also felt him slipping away from her._

_Yu Kanda, he had found a new road. Or a fragment of a road. It was clear like glass to her after she had had many enough insightful talks with Lavi the Bookman Junior. She had felt a little broken at first, because she knew she was on the background. But later, she had found herself feeling happy…happy for him._

_At the time of the big battles with Noah, Kanda Yu had not had the back of a _kamikaze_. He had the back of a man who promised. Back of a man who knew they were all going to die but had still promised to come back home. Sad and beautiful._

_Oh, had she only known for sure it was because of Allen for God's sake before it was too late…_

_

* * *

_Oh, how she hoped she had been more aware.

It was four months since she had last seen the two happy young men. _Eight months of missing the both of them_. She turned her back to the empty house where Allen had lived with his host parent. No evidence of any kind for anything at all. A wasted effort in her part. Of course, if she had realized, she could've come a bit earlier but…she hadn't thought of this. Now, even if there had been traces left, they had disappeared of old age.

* * *

_I feel like crying. Even Kanda has gone. Why have they left me behind? WHY?_

_

* * *

_Eight months.

Oh God, eight months! And only Komui had come back, but he was hospitalized immediately! This was getting desperate!

_Someone help me! Help them!_

_

* * *

_She stared out of the classroom window. Laconic, depressed, whatever.

Komui went quiet in front of the class, gazing at his sister through his new glasses. She had been spacing out many times lately. He had taken it his mission to wake her up when he could. Now, he was just about to do that, as Lenalee suddenly bounced up, eyes wide. Her heart was pounding, it was suddenly alive, full of wishes, hopes and dreams again. She opened the window and didn't hear her brother's running steps and shouts as she climbed up.

"LAVI!" she called to the worn out figure in a black hooded coat that had just entered the school grounds. The figure stopped, but no answer was heard. She was suddenly smiling and crying.

Lenalee Lee jumped.

It was four stories high up.

But she had no worries.

A trail of green butterflies followed her at the speed she was going, falling, but soon enough she activated her Boots and she landed safely. Then, in a spurt of enormous speed, she sped on to close the hooded man in her arms. Komui would've broken his glasses since they fell from his nose if it wasn't for Reever, one level down, catching them instinctively. All the classes that had windows pointing to this yard were halted; everyone was filling the windows in order to see what the heck was going on.

Lenalee grasped at the black hood that felt familiar in her hands that Remembered. Bandaged hands stopped hers, slid them down against his chest instead. He raised his hands again and pushed off the hood himself.

There were bandages on the face too, but they only covered half of the ugly cut that ran down the left eye, covering the eye, nose and a cheek but not much more. He took off the eye patch from atop his right eye. An amber eye was staring at her, with untamed and unnamed emotions. The familiar spark was there, too.

"Lavi…your hair…" she whispered, eyes watering so much she hardly could see the distinctive red. Well, there was unusually little of it anyway. It looked like it had…burned away.

"…your eye…" she whispered, wiping away some tears, seeing the darkness of the bandages as it followed the ugly cut that seemed to not even have stopped bleeding yet.

"Do you hear me Lavi! Answer, don't just stand there staring at me like I'm some—"

"Hello, Lenalee. I'm back. Have you missed me?"

Silence followed his words.

She broke into a mad cry, cradling his head and making them fall to the ground as she didn't realize she had her Innocence activated and thus had much more power to her legs than usual. He found his smile and happily gave it to the young woman who landed on him and apparently tried to melt into his chest. It was a happy reunion, though it grew from a ground of sadness.

The hundred heads of audience they had around the small yard gaped as they simultaneously went to have each other's lips, kissing away their feelings. All her worry, fear, sadness, love and helplessness was washed away by him, it felt so good like this. Just them and their shared emotions. They didn't hear Komui, Reever and other teachers when they gathered around them, asking questions and talking. They stole this moment of each other's time entirely.

* * *

The same woman who had been Head Nurse back in the times of Black Order worked at the school. She was a little bit younger but looked just as scary when she wanted to. Now since Lavi was a student in this school and he _had_ appeared on the school grounds looking rather…attacked…it was her duty to take care of him. She was passionate about her job. Thus, for a few days, he was practically imprisoned in the bed.

Lenalee kept visiting as much as possible, though. She brought flowers and books. Flowers because it made the atmosphere in the room better, and books because…well… Lavi loved books. He lived via books. So books would help him recover. And there was a _lot_ to recover from. But she didn't ask about all the injuries…for now, until he would get better, she would hold it all and be as normal as possible.

Lavi wouldn't be Lavi if he didn't question her "weird magic shoes" now and then, though. Of course, she always brushed it off, not wanting to reveal everything to someone who had suffered a lot. Lenalee also knew that the day she would tell about her Dark Boots, Lavi would tell about his adventure…and neither was prepared for all of that. Just, not quite yet.

So they played hooky from lessons, ran from the clinic a few times. Like this one time, when they were discovered very soon and had to sprint and hide into the girls toilet. Which was small, smelled like perfume and made Lavi lose his shield for a while when she had to sit on his lap on the toilet seat – they were found kissing.

Oh and didn't that one kissing scene seen by the wrong person end to Lavi getting persecuted by her maniac brother…

It was good times. Dangerous of course, but that was just the lifestyle of the people who used to be members of Black Order. It had been like this as long as she had known Johnny and Reever and Lavi and all the other people.

Peace is a fragile thing. We should treasure it.

* * *

She was wearing a white t-shirt with a golden heart about the size of her fist at her left side. Around her neck she had a brown and blue necktie and the brown skirt didn't quite cover her knees. Her socks matched the necktie and her shoes were as white as the shirt. A golden, heart-shaped pin held up her hair. She mirrored herself once more, whirled around once. Then she smiled. This wasn't exactly what she did usually, but the change of style for the day had been successful. The new, dark green stripes in her shoulder-long hair looked good too.

She had a date with Lavi today, for the first time in…unimaginably long time.

They hadn't really made any plans, as he was still not perfectly well after all, but she had the feeling the day would be special.

_No, not a romantic special, stupid me…_ she sighed in her thoughts, fixing her make-up just a little, _This is the day I hear the truth. This is the day when, for the first time in my life now and before, I will demand Lavi the Bookman to be completely and utterly honest._

It almost managed to make her nervous than her racing heart.

* * *

/ I posted this chapter without editing at first, sorry for the inconvienience if anyone fell for that trap! D:

Gawd, am I a masochist? I just said I dislike writing normal stuff and here I go again with it! Ugh. Next chapter will be different though. xD

Review and help me WANT to update faster. Believe me, I'm having it easy with school so it's very possible. /


	5. First Answers

/ A/N: Hey, I'm back again! :'D Thanks for those who have reviewed the story this far - You are the people who make this so much more fun. I always answer your reviews, too. :3 And to those who have been reading without a trace - gosh, please don't think I'm a mindreader or something. xD I _can_ and _will_ change things in the fic if someone were to point out something. (lol)

This is chapter five, the turning point, I think. From this chapter on, we will actually have the yullen pair showing up. I just wanted to get these two off and going before that. The chapter names will also be in English from now on, to prove that we're on the move. Go on, READ it. /

**5. First Answers**

He shifted again and again, uncomfortable for various reasons. First: the question was not the easiest to answer. Second: His left thigh had had a cramp last night; it was numb and playing hard for him. And third: Lenalee was so cute! As in, pouting like that and having such a look, she had never done her hair like that, the green was cute, and the clothes, they were cute, and…and.

This wasn't merely an excuse to run from the talking, it was actually more than half serious. He really had missed her…being with guys only for _months_…never before had it been this hard. He considered himself very lucky to have a girlfriend so sweet wait for him.

"Ah…yea yea… Just lemme gather my thoughts a minute more, cutie pie…"

"Stop that, Lavi! This is no time to be cutiepie'ing me!" her pout went alarmingly big and he just knew this was as far as he could stretch this talk. Lavi sighed. He didn't like telling people stuff like this. Maybe a remnant of the past, but it was unnatural for him anyways.

"Well…the truth is…this is not actually such a long explanation or anything, since even though we all did our best on our sides, we've only been able to do _so much_…" he shifted in his stool one last time before sipping the bottom of his coffee and leaning forward, looking at the town over the wooden wall. She didn't say anything from her place atop that very wall; she had already said everything while pestering him for answers. He would start from the beginning…

"Nine months ago, after Allen had disappeared as well as Cross, your brother called me into his office..." he could remember perfectly well how the room had looked like after a hurricane. How weirdly opposite kind of mess its state had been from the usual.

"Reever handed me this letter to inspect and I recognized it as Allen's writing. Reever had found it from a raggedy mansion in London after…"

"Wait. What did it say?" Lenalee was clearly excited at hearing about the first who slipped away. She also knew Lavi would remember the words crystal clear, like every other letter he had ever read. He took a deep breath before reciting the beautifully handwritten sentences of the strange letter:

"_Section Leader,_

_Chief,_

_Bookman,_

_Princess,_

_BaKanda._

_Greetings,_

_There are so very many flowers blooming in churches. I've been going to check them out._

_Many of the flowers already bloom red, under the strongest kind; tall and black._

_Can. Be._

_Just like they always used to._

_But maybe it's a bigger deal this time, since there're so many new kinds._

_Black flowers so big they're like shadows. So many red it's like the churches are flooded._

_I and Judgment are engaged in the background work._

_Though it pains me, I beg for your attention on the matter._

_Crown Clown_

He let it be silent for almost ten minutes after reciting the lines. Lavi turned to look at Lenalee, whose eyes seemed clouded over as she sank into her thoughts. He leaned on his hand slowly making his cheek red from the weight. He was not yet used to his him, the one that had come back. His hair had burned and he still had to keep his secret eye in the open because the other one had to be under a patch. It had been bleeding when he came, he didn't know if it was ever going to heal. Many muscles around his body ached, too…it really had been good that they hadn't gone out before today. He might've had to walk slower than Lenalee…

"More…"

"Hm?"

"Tell me more. What did you talk about with my brother?" her eyes were now seeing him again and he couldn't help a small smile at the young woman. It soon disappeared though, as he continued with the story.

"I threw a fit of course, since the letter was dated a week back and I was very worried about our Walker-san. So I was smacking your brother when Reever told me the whole story: How he had gotten an invitation from a man called Tiedoll and gone to London for a meeting, then ended up in the grounds of an old, mysterious mansion… There he had found that letter and a photo. When Komui had seen it, he had immediately started trying to decipher the true meaning of 'church', 'black flowers', 'red flowers' and everything…" Lavi was watching his friend with a small hint of sadness now.

_Does she know? Does she Remember the words addressing people at the beginning of the letter? If she recalls nothing, I don't know how I could tell her about all that is going on…_

"They let me analyze the letter and it took some time, but eventually we found a small code. The first sentences and the mysterious "Can. Be." in the middle… they make T.I..Be. Timcanpy, Cross's famous flying robot."

Lenalee seemed a little startled at the mention of the golden…creature. Like there _was_ something she knew about it that she kept hidden.

"The meaning of those sentences themselves and the rest of the letter seems to us that it is a warning of something that is in the past coming back in double…" Lavi turns around to lean at the wall with his back. This is how much he can say if Lenalee doesn't _Remember_…

"…Section Leader, Chief, Bookman, Princess, BaKanda, Timcanpy… Judgment, Crown Clown… He greets those reading the letter in order then gives the name of the one behind the letter and last the name of the person who wrote it", her voice had something in it that just made the redhead turn to look at her over his shoulder. Her eyes were deep and bright in a rather sad way. But her expression was stoic if anything.

"Reever Wenham, Komui Lee, Lavi Grayman, Lenalee Lee, Yu Kanda. Word from Marian Cross, signed Allen Walker."

His visible eye widens as does the one under a white patch, though that movement is not visible. That she knows all the names must mean she _does _Remember…

"Lavi. Let me see that letter", she demands.

* * *

The period of time during which he still had restrictions due to recovering period, he came to know about Lenalee's memories. She remembered it all, how she had been tested for compatibility with Innocence, how she had ended up really being one of the Exorcists, of the lucky rare among the test subjects. She remembered her brother, who had helped her through it all and made the Order feel home, she remembered the science team, the Finders, the other Exorcists, akuma, the Noah, the Millennium Earl…Third Exorcists, Alma, everybody. She wasn't certain on some things history- or time-wise, but her memory of the people surpassed Lavi's.

He himself had gotten almost all his memories back at once, making him an easy target at the battle back some time ago. He remembered what was supposed to be remembered by a Bookman, the historical, rational facts. How they had been losing a lot after the Noah killed so many Exorcists by their own hands and the only ones surviving had been the flailing teenagers, which were them. The pains they had to endure were not much in his memories, but Lenalee seemed to remember those accurately. How he had been attacked by Road Kamelot and Allen's fights with Tyki…

…You could say she had the more painful side of the past on her shoulders.

"You're still as amazing as ever", he mumbled into her hair, holding her close from behind her. They were at the Saint Howard's Basilica, on the roof, to be exact – it gave a wonderful view to the town and the river. Being students of a well known university, they had some privileges like this; just flashing the White Finder's Card (also known as Order ID) let them in almost anywhere any time. It actually worked like the Black Order's rose cross had back _then_.

"Where did that just come from? Wait, did you forget your meds again?" she hummed humorously. It wasn't serious; she knew very well Lavi was finally off medication and almost in perfect shape again. Even the eye patch had returned on the usual eye, though the young man did complain about sometimes losing his night vision every now and then.

They chatted casually, topic including this and that, normal chit-chat and lover's sweet nothings. But when they both ended up quiet and then sighed at the same time, they knew it was time to get to business. He eased his arms around her as she turned to him:

"We need to get going if we want to wish for success. It is highly unlikely their clan would ignore your Innocence if they happened to come across it…" she said on a bit tired tone. He put up a smile, one that glowed will – in order to energize her.

"Yeah I know. I'm worried about it too, you know – who knows how they differ from the ones back then… But hey, you're my baby! I won't let you go do something that'll make you look like that! Cheer up, Lenalee, okay? Optimistic thinking will definitely help us further."

She smiled at his airy aura. At least they were together this time. Lavi just knew from experience that Lenalee Lee would be much more satisfied reaching a dead end with him than doing nothing on the matter at home as he had suggested her earlier. He laughed suddenly, in a rather contradicting way: both happiness and fear laid bare for her ears. He couldn't help it, wanting her to know what he felt right now, so no doubts about this would be left unclear. Yes, Lavi knew very well just how unclear he could be.

Her lips were soft and rather dry from the wind up here when they caught his, making him quiet down in an abrupt way. Every kiss they ever shared always awakened some needs in them both – like what made Lenalee's hands slowly travel to surround his neck and his squeezing into the softer flesh of her hips. They liked entrancing each other and themselves in rather straight forwardly sexual ways at the ends of dates.

"…So…lead me to the gate?" her breath was deep but otherwise she seemed normal. He grinned:

"Yes, my lady. This way, mademoiselle…" he answered and took her hand to pull her into a brisk walk. They would use the age old Arc that was partly usable from here for some reason. They would go through the same gate someone else had used just a while ago to grab tools for training.

But they didn't know that, now did they?

* * *

In the news, such happenings as the Thunder Breakdown started to turn up more often. The developing countries had been in the center of those sometimes vulgar attacks, so they had been left untold to the general public of the richer world. But now, the attacks had started coming closer and closer, ambassadors murdered, planes dropped, ships sunk, and – worst of all for many – pipes and digs for oil and gas left as destroyed as the Desert Institution. So energy costs started skyrocketing in a flash and people started leaving their cars behind.

Pictures spread in the webs were telling the story in their own way. A journalist somewhere caught a picture of the third Thunder Breakdown and after a week of editing so the overflow of light was cleared, the face of the madman behind those hugest of all attacks was suddenly in the public hands – Skin Boric's name became known too, through the roar he had growled from on top the Sacré-Ceúer, Paris.

"_**I SHALL LEAD YOU ALL TO CONDEMNATION, YOU GOD-DEFYING URGINS OF MAN! SKIN BORIC WILL BRING YOU JUDGE YOU REQUIRE."**_

But, even before this clan of people who were systematically yet forcefully taking over the world, had reached the capitals, a rebelling force had been born. This was yet to be noticed.

Well, Cross was always the kind of person who ran away as long possible before going big…

/ A/N: chapter 201 was so boring. xD Just another chapter of in between ranting. ^^; (...Yeah, I don't like the Third Exorcists, that could be the reason...) And yeah, sorry, the chapter was many hundred words shorter than the average, I just got so bored at the normality again. Maybe the next one will be longer... ;D See younext time! /


	6. In Order to Carry On

/ A/N: Well well! As promised, this chapter is longer (...almost double the usual, actually [4000+]). I feel refreshed, being able to write about my favourite pair. x3 Today, I've been going yullen fairly much.

Go on, read this chapter that came out suddenly. :'D And I'm sorry if I'm still confusing you! Tell what bugs you with this fic so I can explain myself. :) /

**6. In Order to Carry On**

He watched, trying to tie his wounded arm tighter at the same time. Even though the mother knew he had just helped her daughter have peace, she couldn't help wanting her back… In the past, that might've resulted in the appearance of the Earl and her changing into an akuma, but things didn't quite work like that in this century. What happened was that the woman's heart grew cold, so cold, it released the hidden darkness you can find from any human, and that darkness formed something that by form was an akuma but in reality was just an extremely strong and lethal mental weapon.

The "dark matter" he had seen at the time of the first Thunder Breakdown…it was basically the very same thing, Cross had told him. Just that not anyone could make _that_ out of their minds, it was special.

"Blah, this just got way boring. She would've been such a nice concubine. Hurry and take her out, you idiot clown, I need my beer", the aforementioned researcher-turned-history teacher commented from inside the room this hallway led to.

"You hurry up with the lock, Master!" Allen couldn't help but raise his voice as well as he pushed himself back on his feet and raced at the form the mother had created. It looked like a level 3, stronger than he had fought in this life as of yet. His teacher did have a taste for strong women.

Cross continued to mock and curse him from the backroom but the white-haired teen didn't really listen, he had to concentrate on his attacks now. The new Innocence he had was clearly Crown Clown, but it had somehow changed, too. At the moment, he still only had three ways of using it: the first stage arm, the second stage gun and the Clown Belt. The first stage was almost identical to the one from his dreams, from his _past_, but second stage onward whatever he shot or did with it would mean a blast of gold in the air and blue tattoos running over his body – the stronger the attack, the brighter both effects would be and the more lines would cut the air and skin.

Even now, as he clashed with the dark, voicelessly laughing creature of darkness, golden waves and feathers flew and blue, vein-like lines pulsed on his fair skin. He was bleeding already from the last fight and this was turning out a deal harder, as expected from something that _looked_ stronger.

"_CLOWN BELT!_" he shouted out and the white, nail-like strings shot at the enemy once more, but this time he used each of them individually, managing to catch different parts of it and crush it through the ceiling, learning a new move of shooting through the Crown Belt. He knew he had won from the way the woman's skin turned black and a white star appeared on her face, like a mask. Even though he had seen this dozens of times already, he couldn't help sprinting to catch her, to hold her one last time, to tell her it's alright…

A human will die when the hidden darkness is destroyed.

But at least their soul will be pure.

* * *

The people he was now with were big in numbers but small in individuals strong enough to go out and fight, even though there were already more Innocence holders found than Allen had ever seen in the past life. He had been with them for about four months now and he knew, even though they kept it quiet, that this was actually a sub division of the DI. There was a reason it had been called Institution, not Institute. The reason he, who really wasn't very fond of the idea that he was acting as a pawn again, stayed with the group was something very like him though. In the lists and ranks, there were many familiar names. One was of course Marian Cross, but there were others, too; too many to name, actually. In many cases people who had been Finders or science team members were now Exorcists like him – though they liked to call themselves Xions these days.

"Allen!" one of the familiar voices sounded from the cafeteria and he smiled at Fou, who was human in this life, a Xion with a two-part Innocence in her left eye and tongue, and who loved using different, colored contact lenses. Funny as it did sound when you knew the spirit Fou; this one liked baggy, big clothes even though she was a slender, beautiful young woman at age 19. Allen walked to the table she sat at with Lou Fa and Arystar Krory and shared a small pair of acknowledging nods with the older man. Krory had gotten his Innocence from Allen's last mission and was still having a bit of trouble with the newly attached teeth, but he appeared to have some memory of the past as well so he was generally coping pretty well.

"Hi. How is everybody?"

"Uh, I'm—"

"We're fine, stupid, the question is more like how are _you_? You have a lot of bandages on you I see", Fou didn't give Lou Fa a chance to speak – she really seemed to dislike the timid girl. Not that she seemed to like pretty much anyone anyway, though. Allen smiled his most dashing, gentlemanly and soft smile:

"I'm okay, I survived a mission with Master Cross, after all!"

Krory chuckled quietly, fully understanding the boy's quiet annoyance.

* * *

As Allen made his way into the basement quarters of the so-called Mygdi village, his ever so restless thoughts ran back into the letter he had written under Cross's orders. Writing about flowers blooming in churches, would they really understand he meant people being attacked like in the past, by the black flowers of the Noah clan? Would they notice Timcanpy? Would they understand, that by background work he meant the actual front lines? It was kind of frustrating, to not be allowed to have any contact with all those important people at the high school and university.

Komui had gotten so close without anyone noticing. He had almost found out about this village by investigating the age-old ruins of the Black Order HQ in Italy…and it appeared he had sent Reever to the ones in Britain. But nothing too heavy had been found out – after all, they had made sure in neither of the places people would be able to find their new location or anything worthwhile. Something else had driven Reever back home and Komui had been attacked by the new akuma, which had been in the search of the very same kind of documents.

"Good morning, Allen-dono", a female voice took him back to the present from his worry of the old supervisor. He glanced to the side and saw one of the new Xions, a Japanese woman; at least five years older than him and someone he had not known in the past. Her Innocence was still being carved out of the huge Buddha statue it was merged into. Her English was really bad, but she knew the basics.

"Please don't call me _dono_…umm… Sakura?"

"Please call me Kokoro."

"Uhm, right. If you don't mind, I'll go now, I have a lot of training to catch up…" he used his polite language gingerly and she nodded. Allen's pace fastened to carry him deeper into the quarters. He kind of disliked how everyone knew him, how everyone greeted him with honor because of what had happened in the past. He didn't even know that woman – had even gotten her name wrong, and she was older than him, but still, those eyes… He shivered inwardly, displeased with the situation: one more person to try and avoid, as he had decided not to get engaged with all and everyone this time.

What he really wanted, was to be with everyone he had known back then – to gather the good old team, have fun and fight this war together… Strange as it felt, he really held no interest in all the new faces. Who was that Japanese woman just now again? …Sakura?

"Hey, idiot disciple, there you finally are! Look, I've found you a good, new coach a while back and now he's here. Isn't this good news, you're gonna get yourself into fighting fit."

"Master…what? A coach? I don't need any coaches, I know what I'm supposed to learn so it makes no sense at all to-"

"You know what you're supposed to learn? What kind of shit lives in your head nowadays?" a familiar voice grumbled from behind Cross' wide shoulders. Allen flinched visibly. What? How did _he_ end up here?

"_Oi, baka moyashi_, stop staring like a lunatic", Kanda snapped, as pissed off as ever. Allen just blinked and continued with his inner struggle to understand the situation. Did Kanda remember? Did he have Innocence? It hadn't seemed so at all during Thunder Breakdown, but it was a long time since then, maybe…no way…

"Stop being mean at Allen, Kanda, he's your friend remember?" another familiar but even more unexpected voice spoke and Allen's eyes took in the sight of a young man, a little bit older than Kanda apparently. Alma Karma.

"He is _not_ my friend", Kanda quipped back, but his voice was not as rude as with Allen.

So, those two were old friends in this life, too.

"Stop bickering like kids, it's annoying. Kanda, you promised to help us in exchange for your lives, well here's your new apprentice. He's an idiot but does sometimes learn fast, too. I take it you know each other at least from my classes, but you better get better results here. Alma, follow me, you have a post in the lowest levels", Cross said and pushed his disciple to the side as he took off. Alma quickly gathered himself, locked eyes for a second as goodbyes for Kanda and waved to Allen with a smile before running after the redhead.

Though all he heard from Kanda's mouth was a "tch", Allen could almost hear the swordsman curse Cross in all the names he knew. Kanda's menacing aura was something Allen somehow knew well. If he had felt restless just a moment ago, now what word would describe this best? He felt rather…unpleasant, restless, angry, shocked and confused. After all, just about a year ago, Kanda's bullying nature had made school uncomfortable for him. Now Cross had made him into a coach for Allen? Didn't Cross remember how bad their "synch" had always been?

"You don't have to bother a thing. I know what I have yet to learn with my Innocence so you're not really going to be of help", he heard himself utter. Kanda turned his coal eyes at him, they really were the coldest eyes Allen had ever seen: colder than back in the Exorcist days. He seemed to get even madder from what Allen just said:

"I bother to find out your whereabouts and all I get is you fucking bitching for something I never decided. I am not going to teach you anything of that useless arm of yours, like hell I would: but I _am_ going to teach you a few techniques for the times brute strength won't get you anywhere. I hear you live your second life or something, so you better listen good so no God of yours needs to bother with a need of a _third one_."

Allen's eyes widened a fraction. So Kanda _was_ educated on the university level, he had never shown that much linguistic skill before. Kanda Yu just said three _long_ sentences in a row with only three ugly words. Was the sky falling?

"…Okay…but I'm gonna listen just cause Alma's life appears to hang in the balance as well", Allen agreed bitterly. Kanda frowned.

"You know Alma?"

"…N…no, I've just heard…his name somewhere…oh yeah, Master just said it, right?" he beamed victoriously at finding his way out of the situation. Kanda glared at him for a while, but let it go in the end. He turned his back and suddenly something cold tipped Allen's spine. Kanda had his hair on a ponytail, but what had happened? His ever so perfect hair looked…torn, burned, a bit frizzled, messy, and more over, unsteadily ripped shorter. The shortest strands were hardly bound. Kanda was in a quiet way very caring of his hair, Allen knew from just looking t the perfectness it usually shone. So what…what could possibly have gotten past the samurai champion to that to the velvety black adorning his features?

Allen jumped and reacted late for the thing Kanda threw at him. It was very light and warm, but looked like a sword. He took it to the left hand since his right was still recovering from the fight yesterday. It was a wooden sword, carved into the shape of a short katana. You could see it was used but well-made, old and well looked after. His grey eyes met the dark ones, searching for a meaning. Kanda held an almost identical piece of woodwork; that one just seemed to have suffered more. He lowered his body and threw the white-haired youth a glare that said "show me what you've got".

"B-but…I'm bad with swords and my other arm…"

"Like fuck I care, like fuck any enemies would care. Come on, _moyashi_, or you want me to come at you?"

That one "bean sprout" there was enough to crush the shell of defiance Allen had held and he sprinted at the other. He would indeed show Kanda what he was made of, damn it all!

* * *

"You two sure this is making you stronger? You're so patched up you might get through as mummies", Alma laughed at the duo when they were finally let back on surface after a week period of recovering in the infirmary. The words were true on both of them, since their training sessions never really went as planned, with them ending up fighting for real every time. Still, Allen couldn't stop smiling. It had been so long since he last saw daylight, it was so refreshing to look at the small village when the sun was shining and the birds were cooing and everything was so pretty.

Alma's steps were as light as ever, he had no signs of any injuries, since he had no Innocence and no training in anything physical. He had become the favorite of the people in the lowest and the highest levels, the ones you might call "normal". He was energetic, kind of boyish despite his mature body and best of all always interested. Since the department was secret and the work they all did here was very serious, the small lights were always considered the centers of days. Allen and Alma were both this kind of people magnets, maybe even the strongest of the small group of people. Allen had learned to bear with Kanda, since his darkness was strong enough to scare people away and he could have some peace then.

The three young men walked up the country road towards the potato field. Even though this was the first day Allen and Kanda were left on their own after their last big fight, they were already heading to the next part of training – which just happened to be ordered on them by Cross and include a lot of digging into the soil.

Yes, today they would have field work in its most to-the-core way.

As he took the hoe into his hands and walked down to start from the opposite side than Kanda, Allen let himself fall into a steady rhythm, a flow, if you want to call it that. As he started slowly doing the work, he fell into his thoughts. It had only been two weeks since Kanda started giving him physical training, but counting from the tiredness and the injuries, you could almost call that a year. Before, when Kanda had taken him to the river from the remains of the bus, there had been no real connection between them, no real reason for just the two of them to be together. Now there was, and Allen couldn't help remembering the past times…when they had been connected by being Exorcists, by both hiding away from practically all but battling the Earl's forces.

_The Arc opened its gate before them all and in they went, Kanda and what was left of Alma._

The mental image was strong enough for him to hit the ground more weakly this time, but he gathered himself and continued. He was now 18, closing in on his Christmas Day birthday, yet he still hadn't remembered everything. Two years wasn't enough for him to remember the whole story, just how many more painful images would he have to face in the middle of the daily chores?

It's not like much had changed or anything. He had been thinking a lot about that specific Japanese for a long time already. It's just that his worry over what their relationship actually was had skyrocketed during this short period in their lives. In this life, they had never really even introduced themselves. Names had been learned through others, school, friends, and in the case Kanda was, media. Everybody knew the samurai master, since someone his age beating all the older masters of sword was unheard of. He was born with a sword in his hand, people said, like the stories of him being able to use a training weight katana at the age of three were actually true.

"How long have you been training with sword?" Allen just had to ask when they met at the middle of the field.

Kanda stopped for a while, knocking dirt of his hue and answered without looking at Allen, continuing his line:

"Longer than either of us would remember, idiot. Get back to work."

Allen smiled a little. Kanda was just so grumpy, acted like the old man he claimed Allen was. He continued his line too, went back into his thinking state, but couldn't help stopping at the end before turning and calling for Alma, who was sitting under a young oak tree, trying to clean off the pile of documents that had gotten messed up. He looked down on Allen from his spot to show he heard him.

"What's that grumpy ass's birthday? He can't really be the same age I am!"

Alma laughed at the face Allen was making and his voice was full of glee when he answered:

"September 9th 1999, that is, 9.9.1999. Guess his parents wanted him a cool birthday like that, since it was an operation, I hear."

"What the heck is that…" the white-haired one mumbled, hardly believing what he heard. So Kanda _was_ born the same year as him and on a weird date like that. Well, they all seemed to have weird birthdays.

As he started a new line, jumping over the one could see Kanda had already started at the other end, and continued thinking. His own birthday was 25th of December, the Christmas Day; Lavi's was February 29th, the day that sometimes disappeared from the calendar. Kanda's was as full of nines as a day could be before the year 9999. Allen was no good in numerology and astrology, but maybe he'd ask Lavi and Lenalee…if they'd ever meet again.

He sighed as he stopped, hardly even halfway on his line. He could hear Kanda closing in on him, but didn't care about it for now. He turned his face up to the sky, which was already almost at the midday light. Mygdi village was located in northern India, far from the next town. On the surface they all worked hard on the cover-up, working on their big and varying fields, feeding domestic animals and farming in general, keeping their three small shops open in daylight hours, celebrating harvest and many differing gods of their religions and getting married, having children and raising them as would happen in any villages. Underground, they worked even harder, searching for answers to the newly bloomed crisis and training people for the front lines. They let visitors stay in their homes for as long as they wanted, but during those times security was tight, and they really found it easy to follow the orders to seem like people who didn't like outsiders…

"_Oi_, stop loitering around. You have a meeting with Link at half past two and if this field is not done by then, I'm going to have you complete at night, _alone_", Kanda's low voice sounded just a bit too close to Allen's ear – he jumped and hit Kanda's side with the hue's hilt. Panicking he started apologizing, but it was already too late, the dark, tall man was mad.

Kanda reached out and the small distance between them grew at the sudden impact on Allen's stomach that felt like a fist. He fell down, quickly shielding his aching abdomen, soon to be angered by Kanda's evil smirk above him.

"I am your coach, remember? I have right to hit you. Now get back to work", he said, still smirking as he turned and continued with his line. Allen stayed in the dirt for a while, swallowing his own rage, before slowly standing up, swiping his trousers and continuing with a more menacing aura.

As expected, by half past two, the field was only halfway as the two of them had picked on each other every time they met in the middle. Alma couldn't stop grinning while he carefully put on make-up to cover the both of their black eyes, so they wouldn't be taken back to the infirmary. The two were like male cats fighting over dominance. Wonder where the female was, though.

* * *

When Allen finally arrived to "the village head" that person was really, really mad. Mad enough to smack one of his best Xions to the head with an ancient wooden clock that was ticking the tunes of 3 o'clock. Even though Allen's head is known to be very hard, this time the clock won. It continued to tick triumphantly as Allen fell on his knees and had to give into Link who – with just as blank face as when he had caused the injury – rolled his head into a ball of bandages.

"I have a mission for you, Walker", he announced finally after Allen was taken care of and the both of them had sat down to the opposing sides of a big stone table. Allen's curiosity flared. He knew Link trusted him, though the blonde obviously didn't remember anything about the past. He had learned it all through various contacts, but in every way was unable to hide it from the Innocence-bearer.

"Yes?"

"After the Noah appearance at Sacré-Ceúer, there have been many suspicious incidents around Paris. The reports indicate there's both akuma and Innocence activity there. You are to go there with two other Xions of your choosing and clear the mess the best you can."

Allen blinked his eyes off the screen that had been showing media material about the happenings. He had only once been to Paris before – half a year ago, with Cross. And even then, they had only visited the Moulin Rouge "for old time's sake" and then taken the first flight to Moscow. Allen nodded, accepting the mission with seriousness. Since Howard Link was giving him a mission in which he could decide his comrades himself, the thing must be one of a kind.

He walked straight towards the cafeteria, hoping to catch his Xion friends. He'd have to ask their opinion on who should go with him.

_Too bad Kanda doesn't have Innocence… No! I don't want him with me, either! He kicked my face!_

Mood considerably brighter he marched to where he saw Krory's tall figure and heard Fou's distinct voice.

/ A/N: Lol, we just got the yullen par together and here I go, breaking them apart again... Hmm, I wonder if that's really gonna happen? ;D Oh yeah, if you didn't know, I've visited Paris last year and kinda liked the place. Not my favourite ever or anything, but fits this story. :'D Gimme those opinions of yours! (Or you can just babble random stuff, that's what I always do in my reviews.) /


	7. Make no mistake my answer is clear

/ A/N: Hello again~ :3 It's 59 days since I posted chapter 6 - this chapter is a little longer and man, _something actually happens here that is a part of the plot_, wow. xD As promised, this thing takes place in Paris, France. I wouldn't use the place if I hadn't been there, so no worries, French people. ;D

- There's some "Japanese" in there, of which some might be written wrong. I haven't studied the language and only understand some things said. But believe me, I'm going to cut the use of it in this fic into minimum, even though Kanda is Japanese here as well. Only basic phrases here and there.

Please enjoy~ /

**Make no mistake – my answer is clear**

Fou's Innocence was, all in all, very disturbing. The eye charmed anyone by flashing pure sexual appeal when activated, and then she would use the part in her tongue and lick the enemy with acid. That is to say, it was the most disturbing thing Allen had ever seen and his master was the damned lady killer Cross, so he had _quite a bit_ of experience. He didn't know which was worse about this, though: the fact that Fou the innocent-looking woman luring men and women into their fall, or the fact that people who appeared to have lost all human emotion actually _could_ fall into her clutches.

Krory handled a few level 1s with speed that was already clearly better than it had used to be. This was only his second mission ever and this was way more serious than the last one had been. Allen felt a little bit of pride, which was weird of him. Krory was quite a bit older than he was and a comrade in the type of Innocence, but not in this life or the one before had Allen been someone to especially teach him.

As for how Allen himself was doing, well, all just seemed maybe a little bit too easy. They were at Hôtel du Ville, dealing with the small army of mental akuma or whatever you wanted to call them. He had hardly earned even one scratch on him after dealing with probably more than a dozen enemies. Not that _that_ was a bad thing, since he was already in scrapes and blues under his Xion uniform – navy blue tuxedo-like overcoat with two lines of silver buttons, white, silky shirt, a red bow, black, skintight trousers and white- and navy-blue almost knee-high boots.

The uniform thing one a bit funny part of being a modern Exorcist: just like in the old days, every Innocence-holder's uniform was unique and they were updated now and then, from what he had heard. As his coat was tuxedo-like, Krory's was more like a sailor's, and as he had gloves and a bow, Krory had a sailor-styled hat and a black necktie. The older man also had shiny shoes that mimicked the highest fashion in tuxedoes. And Fou had a short coat that had very long sleeves, a bit like in the past, bit instead of hat a headband to hold back her long hair. Her shirt was long enough and cut in a way that looked like a dress, the hem flew beautifully behind her when she ran. She had a pair of black leggings and navy-blue ballerinas. They really looked more like some cosplayers than serious soldiers of mysterious powers.

_But I guess that's kind of the point – in modern world, it's easier to hide in the open than the shadows Black Order used to cover itself in_, Allen mused as he sorrowfully watched the three last souls turn into ash.

_More flowers have turned red like blood…_

"Allen, come here!" Fou called from where the old man she had dealt with had disappeared.

He turned around and took a few running strides to his friends. On the ground lay another thoroughly black letter with the insignia of Black Order. They had found one from the previous area at the outskirts of the city, too. Yes, it was Black Order's Rose Cross – a perfect replica. It seemed like the Noah were using it now. They filmed opening the letter and scanned it all over, sending the data to Link, as they had done with the one before. With their field equipment, nothing better could be done anyway.

He instinctively went to scan the area with his eye, but stopped in the middle of it. It had become a little hard to keep himself in the now, when the past was so strongly within him. His eye was of no help with the new akuma – cursed or not. It was yet to be found out whether it had any abilities at all. He sighed and dug his hand into the pocket, pulling out the metro ticket. As he headed down the stairs, Fou gave the letter to Krory who hid it in his jacket and they soon followed after him, acting as if nothing special had happened. Allen didn't look back at them. His mental eye had had the strong image of a Japanese man in a long, black coat, a katana it it's scabbard, seethed under some fabric held in his hand. A man with a constant frown on his face and a small, black golem hovering next to the high ponytail…

_Kanda's hair was gone now_, he had to remind himself.

Consciously, as he sat next to Fou in one of the newer metros (one in which you could see the whole inside from the last to the first cart) Allen brushed his own hair with his fingers. It was getting a bit too long. He could probably already braid it like it had been that time when the hair-growing solution had spilled on him. Actually, right now, he had about the same length of hair Kanda did…

The metro stopped for a minute or two, letting the doors open here and there as people pushed the green buttons next to them. They had already come a few stops from Hôtel du Ville, but he could trust his companions to keep watch of the right one in his stead. Suddenly he blinked and gasped as the warning sound of the doors closing sounded. He almost jumped to the door, only stopped by some instinct. He was sure he had seen a familiar pair of eyes from under a hood, maybe just a meter or two away behind the glass. But the metro was already moving and besides…if it really was who he had though, that person probably had some work to do here of their own.

Still, his eyes hastily checked all the next stations for clues.

* * *

Having changed to normal clothing and escaped from the hotel, Allen felt cheerier than he had for quite a while. He felt free to roam the "City of Lights" in the daytime, when it was a whole lot safer. He made use of the 5-day metro ticket and went all around via the fast underground trains. Such things hadn't existed back in the Exorcist days and he found them pretty useful for an accidental tourist like himself.

Sightseeing was fun but so was getting lost in the tight alleys and wide parks. Well okay, maybe it wasn't really fun to _get_ lost, but _being_ lost turned out fun, when he had to turn to strangers for help. He used the DI's Visa to his heart's content, eating when he felt like it and pulling out a 20 euro bill for the excellent street performers at Montmartre. He went up to the first level of Eiffel tower and quickly came back, when he felt nauseous at the heights. He refused the people that tried to sell mini replicas of the same tower, though, feeling sorry for them, he gave a few some of his cotton candy or whatever he had at hand at the moment.

Eventually Allen ended up at some catholic church in the middle of somewhere, very lost, again, but not feeling worried about that at all after all the happiness and luck that had followed him today. The church was very empty though the afternoon light made it look so beautiful. He went in, slowly opening the heavy wooden door and peeking in before stepping on the cold, stone floor. He sat down on a bench and heaved a content, calm sigh. Having been "God's weapon" for a lifetime once, he had always enjoyed the calm and presence of eternity in churches, even in this life.

He closed his eyes and went deep into thought.

_Basically everything has changed, huh?_

…

_Ah, it seems I still just want to think about _him_. God, forgive me for committing a sin… Umm… it still is a sin right? To think about someone of the same gender like this…?_

There was a white-haired young man sitting in the church, blushing and praying at the same time, his thoughts pretty much showed the way his face twitched.

…_But you know I've always been like this, ever since I saw him on TV the first time…_

That had been when Allen was 13: he was sick and absent from school one Thursday, there had been nothing better to do than kick Cross' old TV to life and watch whatever channel it showed best. That had been a super boring looking broadcast about some "big budokai tournament", not that Allen had even known "budokai" meant martial arts and such. But karate turned out very interesting to the young boy in his early teens, so he watched the whole show, already feeling better after seeing so many men and women triumph. In the last part they had showed fencing and as per usual Allen was fascinated. Then a young man they announced to be "the infamous viper", Yu Kanda from Japan, took stance and looking back, Allen was sure he was swept away immediately. He had felt himself fly beside that man behind the protecting mask.

Today Allen knew better of course – he knew he had gotten such a strong reaction because of the past, because of all the times ever since the singing doll incident they had been fighting together. Back to back, shoulder to shoulder, sober yet drunk from the blood-loss and the Akuma oil and the sadness and the anger and…

"Hey, God… I seem to be having a bit harder time with him this time than last. It can't be that he's been through anything worse, can it? I mean all that which happened before he came to HQ, you know, could there be anything worse in the modern era? I feel a bit bad, having to hide all I know and thus feel for him. But telling him would be even worse, wouldn't it? To remember being born in such a way…"

"Oh boy, here he goes, praying in a weird way and out loud, too. Humph", an eerie voice sounded from behind him. Allen's head whipped around and his forehead met the barrel of a gun. It wasn't even cold and from this close proximity, he smelled gunpowder. This gun had been used just a few minutes ago.

"_If you smell gunpowder from a gun pointed at you, buy time to analyze whether it could've been fired at your friend"_, Cross' teaching hovered into his thoughts and he acted on instinct, laughing nervously:

"Umm…yea, I like to talk to God like He was my friend… But if it offends you then…" the grey eyes took in the sight under the black-leather hand holding the gun to his forehead, and what he saw was beautiful, wavy blond hair, a black hoodie with some silver ornaments, and behind, on the walkway between benches, another person with two guns. One pointed at the blond, one at Allen. That man had black hair, nothing like the blonde one, but his sneer was saner.

Too bad it was a murderous sneer.

"Hey, we really thought you hadn't remembered a thing, judging by the way you were acting –"

"-before, but now we know, heehee, you really remember a lot", the blonde continued the other's talk from the middle. Eerie really suited these two.

They were the twin Noah or more like two parts of one Noah, Jasdero and David, Jasdevi. Allen's smile became a bit crooked. He remembered the fight within the Ark and what he had later heard from Krory about their true form and powers, he remembered the mess they had made later… Still…

"Who are you?" he asked, voice trembling just a little to add to the effect. His ear started ringing and that registered faster than the noise that had caused the painful ring: David's gun had fired. The bullet had just missed his ear and gone through his messy white hair, cutting off some strands as it went.

_It appears my hair will be even more like Kanda's before long_, he sighed in his thoughts, slowly letting his arm activate. Both twins stayed put until the white arm had grown out, but when he lashed at the nearby one, Jasdero jumped away.

"I hate Innocence, hee!" he claimed as he landed down beside his brother. The whole time he had been pointing his other gun at David as well.

"You haven't changed at all", Allen commented, feeling a bit sick. Coming across the Noah wasn't part of the plan. Though who would be mad enough to plan meeting them in a city as densely populated as Paris?

"Innocence is the weapon of God bestowed upon some people. Why do you stand on Holy land if you still hate his creations so much?"

_They probably know I'm buying time talking already, so why do they let me do it?_

"To say the lands of churches are Holy, how pretentious, Bro'", David uttered slowly, a smile spreading on his lips, "Enough talking, you aren't gonna get what we've been doing like this. We'll show you what we have learned in the afterlife!"

And thus a battle ensued.

* * *

It was no different from what was expected. The twins never said a sane word after that one little clue on what was going on ("to have learned something in the afterlife") and didn't really put out anything special. Allen's arm took in a lot of bullets made of dark matter, but the battle was mainly more like a brawl, they stayed inside the church, only trashing some benches and icons, never making any serious damage on anyone or anything. It was all very similar to the fights with the akuma…

…Up until about half an hour later, when Allen was thrown out of a window and happened to look around the street.

Elementary school aged kids; there was a pile of about 15,

Teenagers, at least few dozen in number,

Men women of varying ages, more than a hundred,

Some babies,

Old people,

Dogs and cats, rats, birds,

The trees and streets, cars and bikes, were black and red,

Everything was bathing in Death,

Even the air was heavy of it,

And the smell of it all was…

The scene was of such level of horror Allen found himself helplessly crying and throwing up in a matter of minutes. How could he not have noticed? All these people, they were simply shot to death. While he was happily sitting in the church, mumbling on about Kanda, all these people were…all these people were murdered, brutally, and not just people, but their pets and the little nature there was in the city…

"Poor boy, poor boy, heehee, only now has he realized just how stupid he is…"

"Shh, let him enjoy the abundance of his own sin – the ignorance."

"Yah, you talk big words today! But where do we go then?"

"We go find the others. This was our mission so we're done here."

"Hee, right, let us go, let us go! "

A little later, when Allen had fallen unconscious trying to close the eyes of those with faces up at least and praying for each one, a familiar figure walked to the scene. The gaze covered everything briefly then locked on the church's door – there was a black envelope with a rose crest. A hand snatched it and opened it. Eyes followed the curvy, classic handwriting and brains memorized the contents. The letter was crumbled and then straightened again as eyes rested on the figure of a white-haired youth. Letter stuck into a pocket, the person surveyed the area once more, before pulling a golden ball out of nowhere and throwing it into flight. Then the figure disappeared into the young night.

* * *

"_Oi, wake up, you little fuck - its way past sunrise already."_

_Why did that person always have to be such a prick?_

"_I'm not…a fuck… I have a name you know…"_

"_Whatever, but you're fucking on top of me!"_

"_Just move me then… I'm not that heavy…"_

_A silence ensued._

"Moyashi._"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_Where is your blanket?"_

"_Don't have one…"_

"_The HELL? …Can't be helped, then…you do better job as a blanket than whatever else it is you do."_

_Allen smiled into the bare chest under his cheek. The prick was such a softie sometimes._

"_Just admit it; I'm better than a blanket."_

"_That would be a lie. Just sleep you idiot."_

"_Try to decide already, do you want me awake or asleep?"_

"_Whatever I last said."_

"_Which is…?"  
"S-L-E-E-P, baka moyashi…"_

"_Okay okay…"_

_

* * *

_

"_Oi Moyashi,_ wake up already."

…

"I _said_, wake _up_", the voice came again.

_I…don't want to._

"You piece of trash, if you aren't gonna open your damn baby eyes I'll fucking throw you down from the freaking balcony."

_Sounds…painful. This person sure knows how to lengthen the speech with extra orals._

"I know you heard that, don't go pretending that frown was an accident. Now wake up, stupid, I can't stand your loud stomach any longer."

_My…stomach? …Oh yeah…it is kind of loud if I don't eat properly._

"_Moyashi…matteiru yo."_

_What…what was that? I know "moyashi", it means bean sprout. But what was that jumble of speech afterwards?_

"_Kikoe nai? Che…"_

"You…you're talking Japanese…right?"

"Of course I'm talking Japanese, its way easier than this, you Brit."  
"That's not true…I don't understand so it can't be easier."  
"Oh yeah, you must be right – you're such an idiot you'd only understand the simplest languages", the sentence was followed by a grumbling jump of noise, which he knew was a small laugh, "Now open those freaking eyes, I hate having to repeat myself."

"Repeat…yourself…? Oh!" the white-haired young man suddenly jumped up in the warm and comfy bed; immediately regretting it for all the dizzy, hazy, swirling things he felt. A harsh hand pushed him back down.

"I said open your eyes, not get up, Moyashi."

Soon Allen was sucking in all things visible from within the huge comforter and heavy, thick blankets. He saw a blue and brown coated room, a low ceiling, furniture tucked away in the corners and by the walls, covered by white, dust-covered sheets. Two big mirrors of which the other was delicately decorated with carvings, spirals of paint and quietly shimmering stones, and the other seemed to be just a huge, misshaped mass of glass. The mirrors and a few decoration items and lamps were the only things that didn't have any cover on them.

Except, standing just next to his bed – which, he noticed, was still partly covered by a sheet just like the other furniture – a small night table and a wooden stool that didn't match any other figures of stools in the room, and the man sitting on it busying himself with slow movements around the tea-making…tutorial.

"What is this, you giving me a tea ceremony, Yu?" Allen couldn't help himself, the disbelieving and teasing words ran from his mouth without him noticing. A very quick motion set the deep-blue eyes on him, suddenly very sharp and alert, maybe with a hint of sadness and longing, before getting fired up in anger.

"I know well enough not to give you any green tea right when you've woken up, stupid. Even though you find this place ah-so-interesting, I don't find it to be that way, so whatever the fuck I can do _other_ than what you're doing is better."

"Ha ha, and I'm told to be bitchy in the morning."

"Well this isn't morning, _moyashi_, but late afternoon."

"Oh…so I'm being served afternoon tea in bed, how luxurious!"

Kanda stared at his bright face quietly for a minute before he handed Allen the blue-painted porcelain mug.

Over the edge of the cup the younger one noticed the bags under Kanda's eyes had grown bigger and darker, it seemed like _more_ than bad nutrition from the soba-only diet and sleep deprive from overworking in practice sessions. In short, he seemed worn down in a more to-the-core way. For a while as he sipped the tea, Allen gave himself some time to take a closer look at the Japanese. He seemed a little unfocused, which should probably ring many warning bells within Allen, his hair wasn't quite as shiny as usual, his lips seemed dry and there were those eyes, too. And his posture, which of course would've seemed tip top to almost any eye, messaged Allen that Kanda Yu here was dead tired, judged by the eyes and his overall lack of Kanda-alertness, the problem was mainly something mental.

_Though_, Allen reminded himself, _for something psychological to leak into that man's outer appearance, it must be something hugely traumatic. Kanda is a little like me, hiding in a shell of his choosing instead of facing everything free of bounds._

"Don't call me Yu, IDIOT", the dark voice suddenly rose only to fall silent again after one furious glare.

Yeah, Allen seemed to have a good reason to worry. Such a slow reaction to something that happened ten minutes ago… Suddenly the soft-hearted Xion forgot all about his own worries and traumas about the fight and the murdered people. He couldn't afford to let that man break ever, ever again.

But how could he possibly do anything?

Even in the last life, Kanda had been difficult, and as Allen had come to realize training under him for those precious two weeks, he was even harder a person now. He seemed more open, throwing his insults more often and easily, but that actually _was_ the new wall: he openly threw shit on people, exploited their weak points and jabbed them to the back until people just broke down or started avoiding him. It was in a way amazing, really, since it seemed like he had no empathy whatsoever, yet he was able to so efficiently spread hurt. Only Allen and Alma had seemed to like hanging around him in Mygdi.

_I don't even remember how I USED TO console him, for God's sake. Life would be so much easier if I didn't care about him like this._

But life would be very different and – he believed – empty, too. Of course, his life right now was built on the one before it. Allen was a Xion, a modern Exorcist, who used the Innocence, though it had changed a little, and also technology and memories of the past. He had told his Master that he wanted to correct at least some of the mistakes he made in the previous life this time; that he wanted to do things right for himself as well. Did that including loving a person of the same gender, he couldn't be sure. It was sin by the word of the church, but nowadays it had become more accepted. Was just delusion leading the homosexual rights defenders?

Even if it was, as some anti-homosexual people said, a lie, or even if it was a disease after all… Allen had simply not found any woman who would pull him in like Kanda always did. That man, even though it was tough to admit, was someone Allen could be totally, honestly himself with. He had always disliked how people acted different than they wanted or thought, even if he was one of those people. Kanda just…didn't care. He did spill horrible comments about…well, basically everything, but even if people disagreed with him, he didn't leave them behind. He didn't _really_ ever kill anyone. He never stopped lecturing, but it was kind of just him trying to bring sense to everything. Kanda judged people as whole and made it clear from the get-go that you were no different to him than anyone else.

His darkness was a lure Allen couldn't ignore. It was like a vast ocean of new knowledge, new things to find and new places to visit, a view of the world so different from his own it made him want to get physical. Smack his very self into a new level of understanding. Nothing made him feel same Kanda did; _nothing_.

"Your tea is getting cold", the sudden comment was whipped into the air and in a flash Allen was back to here and now, back in this mysterious room in a mysterious time, back with the man he loved, but had decided to keep his ugly fingers away from this time. This time he allowed himself to be in love – but he didn't allow himself to pull Kanda into it, at least as long as the man appeared "innocent".

"Oops…"

"Idiot Moyashi", the samurai mumbled and rose to his feet, all in a swift and controlled movement. He had hidden the things Allen had seen before, his eyes were dark and hard again, his posture flawless, his lips a tight line pointing a bit downwards from the sides. He looked like he was mad, though it was just his usual scowl.

"Are you going somewhere?" Allen swallowed his tea in own gulp after the hasty question. Kanda moved his hand to his hair, tousled like someone had messed with it, and let his fingers straighten the short locks of black.

"The town. You stay here – that's an order, _student_", was the answer and soon his form was gone.

_You bitch of a man. I'll kill you._

_Well, after I eat what you bring, because I'm sure you're going grocery shopping._

_Ah, but I'm dependent on him as to where I am and what's been going on._

_Life sure is hard._

* * *

/ A/N: (When I write A/N, I read it as "eien" in my mind, kind of like the Japanse word you know. xD)

So... (the manga) is getting to a point where I should probably draw a line with this fic - decide until where the plot has been the same in this AU etc. Chapter 203 just came out a few days earlier... *sigh* Man, there's marticulation examinations coming soon in real life... xDD

If you have any questions, feel free to poke me any way you can. :D I know I'm making life hard for you readers, but that's just the way I am. :) /


	8. Plummeting

/ A/N: Heya! :) This chapter concentrates wholly on Allen and Kanda becoming more familiar with each other. Or maybe the more appropriate way of saying it is that in this chapter they become used to each other's presence for the first time in this fic. :3 This is, again, a peaceful one.

Please enjoy! ^^ /

**8. Plummeting**

Standing up had proved impossible. His knees gave in and his ankles didn't move properly. So Allen had to stay in bed. On top of that, the depression came back every time Kanda was away (when the man was present, his thoughts concentrated on him, bringing up the past so very many times and new memories as he thought deeper into them). Allen was always such a mess after the day came to an end he fell asleep like a log the minute he was told to.

Like this, he managed about five days. Just exchanging random insults and small pieces of "conversation" was all his brain seemed to be able to handle under the pressuring thoughts. This was the end of the fifth day and Kanda was yet again sitting on the stool he had said to have brought from the kitchen. If there was a kitchen, why didn't the man cook? Maybe he found his soba outside. The dark bags under the samurai's eyes had maybe gotten a little better and he no longer bothered to hide his condition as securely since Allen hadn't said a word about it. But, unbeknownst to him, the silver-eyed one had actually decided to get it all out of him starting from this moment.

"Hey, Kanda…"

"Hm?"

"Where is this place? What town, what country?"

"Paris, France, of course. Where else would I be bringing you fresh croissants as breakfast?"

_Oh…right…and I did even read the address of the bakery on the package. Rue de…something, of course it's France._

"It's so calm suddenly, how…"

"You don't need to worry about those Noah or the civilian casualties. Your friends are all taking care of it already."

…_Did you say that to…comfort me?_

"Of course I'll still worry! And what friends?"

"Those Xion partners of yours and some reinforcements from the HQ."

"You mean Krory and Fou are up against the Noah?"

"Whatever the names."

"N-no way, I can't just leave them to die…!"

There, the depression was lurking in, in the form of panic. Kanda eyed him sharply and Allen's back tensed. That was the kind of eye he had gotten in the past when he talked about someone else on their rare private time.

_Don't make me want to tell you about our past!_

"The Noah twins are no longer present, Moyashi", Kanda's eyes were very disturbing suddenly, changing their depth rapidly, "The Xion are fighting the akuma born out of the victims' relatives and friends. They're only level 1s; even _they_ can handle that much. Your mission is here now, stop worrying about useless things."

"_You just stop worrying about them, they're Exorcists, weapons of God – they don't need your protection."_

"Yu…"

"Don't call me by my first name, _moyashi._"

_Ah, that memory made me slip._

"But…I don't like being called a bean sprout either!"

"I'll kill you if you use that name again!"

"ARGH… Why are you even here! Why am I being taken care of by _you_? This makes no sense, the memories flooding is hard enough but you're making things even more complicated with your anger issues!"

"As long as you still can't use your feet I am responsible of keeping you alive, but your sanity is your own problem!" Kanda was on his feet now, towering tall over Allen who still couldn't make his feet work properly. Neither of them noticed the other's cover-up.

Allen's whole self went against his decisions and he threw himself into a shouting contest – not for the first time during this period of course, but one a little different from usual. This time he was seriously letting out all the things he could use against Kanda: his no-friends attitude broken obviously by Alma, his acting as a superior though he wasn't even a Xion, the Thunder Breakdown's happenings, his beautiful face and sour nature, the straight lines he always drew in his life (like only eating soba and the way of the sword), his relationship with Lenalee, how he always overworked himself, how he was not supposed to even have come here since he didn't have Innocence, and on top of all that, Allen was basically accusing him of forgetting the Past and being a BaKanda in general.

All this of course only managed to tick off the Japanese even worse, so soon the albino was enduring worse than usual torment; explicit curses and humiliation by harsh words and physical torture, mainly on his wrist and stomach. This made their usual fights seem like friendly sessions for letting out fume.

In the end, somehow, Allen ended up activating his Innocence arm and grabbing the older male by throat with his long, long nails…

Their eyes locked and the fire of the situation suddenly froze and for a moment, everything was gray and blue, black and white, like in the death of winter.

Kanda was the first to move: his right hand stopped trying to push off the fingers and instead slid down the white, wrinkled and inhuman surface of the Innocence. He couldn't breathe but he was still calm and the movement of the hand was flowing as always. As he touched it, the activation slowly dissolved; in the end leaving only a human arm to squeeze the vulnerable part Kanda's black, tidy shirt was showing. His knees soon supported him to hover above Allen again, this time from the bedside, and the albino let go, tears starting to well in his eyes. What has he _done_?

The eye-contact never broke, even as Kanda hissed a plain "Fuck you", massaging his neck that had turned a little red and even bled a little from the tiny scratches. Then Allen broke it, though not because of anything more than sheer crying. He had never been like this, never really done something like this…just suddenly using his special power to try and kill someone he cared for, it made no sense he _had really_ _tried to stop Kanda's breathing for forever_ just now.

Then something warm and firm squeezed his shoulders and a breath was blown to his teary face.

"Stop saying stupid things, you stupid _moyashi_. I won't die that easily."

Had he really been crying out the fears in his heart?

"You probably don't like it but I am assigned to stay by your side until your body and heart are healed, that was an order from above. That is the only reason I'm bearing with your tears though, hear me?" even though the words themselves were more on the comforting side, they were said in a rather rude and pissed tone.

_But you really shouldn't heal my heart fully, you know. You don't love me like I love you, so it'll just become another tragedy…_

"Your breath…stinks", he vocalized to help himself get a grip on calmness.

"_Che._"

* * *

It so happened, after that big eruption of emotion they suddenly grew closer. Kanda started actually helping him heal in his own quiet way, warming his unmoving feet and supporting him when he went to his slow, short and painful walks around the house. It never occurred to Allen that the Japanese might even know how to be helpful, but thanks to the raven-haired man, his day to day routine changed. Whereas he had stayed in bed for almost the whole day as Kanda went outside for groceries and news, he now could walk through his room to the hallway and sit on the stairs without help, and if the other helped him a little, he could reach the room where Kanda was supposed to sleep every night. Sit on the high stool beside a window, watching the life flowing in the park below.

The apartment was on second or third floor – Allen wasn't sure of these Parisian buildings – but the treetops were far above his window. The rainy days which had basically continued through his stay in the city had lessened and his mood has changed for the better. He had been able to think about the meeting with Jasdevi and even come to terms with it by the help of Kanda…

"_I'm fine with them going against me. That is natural since I'm a Xion and they are Noah. But what I'm not okay with is that they went and destroyed so many innocent lives – those people were pure civilians, just passersby…"_

"_That is what the Noah do different from us, Moyashi", Kanda rolled his eyes, looking like he wondered how Allen had survived not understanding the difference._

"_Still, it's my fault they died! Jasdevi probably knew I cared for them so they went and made them suffer so I would! It's terrible…"_

"…_You're right; it is likely they did it because of that weakness of yours. But don't get fucking depressed over it, idiot, since that's just what they do to deal you out. It means they're taking you seriously, that you propose a threat to them."_

"_But they died…! And more people will probably have to die!"  
"I don't _care_! It's the prize you gotta pay to win this ageless war", the Japanese snarled, angry, "You have decided to side yourself with the DI, have you not done it because their goal is what you wish for, too? The DI strives for peace of humanity, co-existence with people of different perspectives and lives. The Noah family wants a total renewal of the human race or for them to disappear, that's why they don't need to care about any freaking civilians."_

"…_And that's why I who do care have to fight harder, so not as many will be lost. Is that what you're saying?" Allen had a knot in his stomach for the harsh speech he had gotten, for some reason, he had the idea of being worried about Kanda. Kanda just frowned and crossed his arms for the answer – Allen took it as a "you're correct but I won't say it aloud you shit". The white-haired youth smiled heartily:_

"_Thank you, Kanda. You really made me feel a lot better."_

But because of this closeness, he also felt more worried. Kanda gave off the aura of darkness and no matter how subtly Allen tried, he never got anything personal out of him. He blew all those questions away with hatred and ignorance, causing a fight. Yes, they hadn't stopped fighting, still. There were times when Allen felt kind of like he had a kin, but then the whole thought turned around when Kanda was an ass again. They had serious fights and some that were just purely ridiculous: like the one about languages, when they just basically shouted to each other on whatever language they could and at the same time taught each other new words of their own mother tongue.

He knew this couldn't continue for long anymore, even though Kanda had hidden them from the DI so Allen could recover before the movement of things caught up to them…even so, this was Paris, many eyes could watch without being noticed.

"_You probably don't like it but I am assigned to stay by your side until your body and heart are healed, that was an order from above."_

Remembering that sentence was a little painful for his heart but he had to keep thinking about everything Kanda had told him. Order from above, telling Kanda to watch over his healing. What was that all about? Kanda wasn't some good healer – he might've had special regeneration abilities in the past life, but Allen didn't know if he had any now. For them to give such a weird order was…peculiar. Kanda hadn't said when he got the order, but he had brought Allen French newspapers from before the fight happened, indicating he had at least been in the country. Had he gotten the order before anything more than akuma attacks actually happened?

_That would mean the higher ups had known what was going to happen. _If not, then why had he come in the first place, how had he found out Allen's whereabouts when the albino hadn't even told his friends?

Surely Kanda was not a Xion. That was…out of question. Since Mygdi village had been full of knowledgeable people, someone would have noticed if he was compatible with Innocence.

But, then again, what _was_ he? Allen had the feeling that maybe, before he had been brought to this apartment, he had been conscious for a little while and seen something disturbing…

A weight landed heavily on his deformed hand and he launched his head up – only to notice it was just Kanda, his head, to be exact. The very object of his secret affection was in deep sleep, his frown almost gone and his shoulders for once relaxed. Allen blushed even though he tried to fight it. He had never seen Kanda like this, the man had been growing very evident bags under his eyes during their stay here, but he had still not fallen asleep for real.

_I guess even the mighty Yu Kanda has a limit at sleep deprive_, Allen thought to himself, relaxing into the scent from the dark hair.

It was useless for him to struggle, to try to find out the truth behind Kanda's actions and words. He loved the man, as he had before, and he just couldn't help trusting and believing in the other – forever and ever. He had kept his faith after the fight between Kanda and Alma…he would not give up for some small whispers in his own mind.

* * *

"Hold on! You're going…too fast!" Allen felt his cheeks beaming red, as he tried to match the older male's pace. All he got for an answer was a grunt and the trademark Glare. The younger one smiled as the other finally stopped and stumbled into a halt the best he could. He squeezed Kanda's hands as he steadied himself, then glared at the other the best he could:

"I only really got on my feet yesterday; it's unfair of you to demand balance and speed like that already!" he complained angrily and then flinched when Kanda's reaction was a smirk:

"No one would know you're a bean sprout if it wasn't for your hair, tomato", he said and Allen just stared at him, bewildered. What in the world had put _Kanda_ into such a _good_ mood?

He had been getting special training these past two days. It was one week and five days since the Noah incident, dubbed the Walkway Countdown by the media, and he had only yesterday become able to walk through the apartment without help or keeping a break. Of course, it was a ridiculous idea still for a Xion like him to fall right after a hundred meter walk, so he had asked Kanda for help. Basically what he got now was the same kind of cruel work he had had to do in Mygdi, except this time it was all about walking.

Holding hands and doing something that was akin maybe to dancing from an outsiders point of view, Kanda had forced him into a training he called "replacement for proper gym", muscular rehab for the whole length of Allen's feet. Well, for all Allen knew, it could've been dancing just fine, seeing as they jumped, span around, ran to a fro, did weird postures and kept them through eternity…but he really had no idea why Kanda of all people would train anyone anything through dancing. Which brings us back to the thought a while back: why was Kanda on such a good mood? It was very weird indeed, how the sharpness of his tongue had suddenly lessened and those lips turned upwards into a smile – though devilish – more often than not. It was suspicious to Allen, who had known the man since before he was born to this life. It seemed like he was either acting very well or something was actually wrong with his head.

_Or_, he thought to himself, _I just don't really know him._

Kanda suddenly pulled his hands away and Allen wobbled a little from the force of it – his knees really were weak, he had to lock them to stay up.

"Enough of that", the other grunted, "Loosen up your knees to this angle", he showed and angle that was something from between °90 and °130 (Allen would've understood from the numbers but maybe he was right with his old instinct that Kanda wasn't really any good with school things), "There. Now hold it until I call you."

"WHAT? No way, this is ridiculous!" the white-haired one immediately went on the offensive, "My feet are already dead from all that bouncing around, and even if they were fine they'd be too restless to hold an uncomfortable position like this for long!"

"You are the one who asked my help, _moyashi_."

"Yes but…"

"See here", Kanda held out a black phone, it was sleek and thin, the screen was big and it had all kinds of buttons no ordinary cell phone had. A small golden icon proved Allen right in suspecting this was an invention of Cross', probably something mass-produced for the members of the new Desert Institute.

"Ooh, very high-tech, you're sure to get yourself a girlfriend in Tokyo or New York", Allen went with sarcasm rather than letting out much confusion.

"Not that you idiot, the message, see, on the _screen_ that's _lighted_", Kanda retaliated fluently. And there it was, on the screen was a rather dull-looking message, until you perhaps read the contents and realized the anonymous sender had typed this:

**Permission to use whatever**

**means necessary to bring**

**back the clown. Take time**

**to unravel the mystery of Tim**

**before catching up.**

"…Huh!"

"Hold your knees, idiot", Kanda snapped and pushed the phone back into the tight pocket of his leather trousers without locking it. Seeing as he naturally wore tight clothes just as well as baggy ones – _and_ managed to look good in everything – their differences shone even greater than back in the Exorcist days. At least they had had the same style of uniforms…

_What kind of uniform would Kanda have as a Xion…?_

_Ugh. Bad thought._

His knees gave in and the older one didn't even try catching him, so Allen fell to the dirty floor. His breathing had already evened out after the dancing session, but now his feet hurt even more.

"Che. It seems it's no good pushing you any further yet. You bean sprouts sure take your time recovering common abilities."

"For 73rd time today, _I am NOT a BEAN SPROUT._ My name is _ALLEN_, you lady-face."

They had a small glaring contest, which neither won. Then Kanda grabbed Allen's arm, pulling him up and walking him to the kitchen by force.

Sitting at the table, Allen watched the Japanese cook. Kanda made use of the age-old stove pretty well, only using the microwave for trivial western stuff like frozen vegetables. It seemed he would bear without soba today, though it sure made the man grumpy as a granny.

"So…what did it mean? I mean, unraveling the mystery of Tim –thing in that message?" he finally got to ask when they were both seated on the opposing sides of the small, wooden table. Kanda was very precise in cutting the egg and setting it on his plate just like he had done with Allen's share.

"That's what I'm supposed to ask _you_", he answered, picking off the ice cubes from his water class. Allen took them from the table and dropped them in his own water.

"Well I don't know what that mystery is anyway…"

"It's about Timcanpy of course", the other quipped, "They want to know where that golden ball is and how to make it follow their commands."

"Why? It's not like Tim's the only golem around these days…" Allen was buying time; he had to find a good lie.

"Of course not. But that one's way ahead of the technology of the science division, Cross has obviously made his special golem better than others. Whose commands does it even follow?"  
"Master's of course. And well, mine too sometimes, if he's been told to."

"It."

"What?"

"It. The golem is not a 'he', it's an 'it'."

"Ah well, _that exactly_ is the difference between Tim and other golems, I guess. He _understands_ things, not just follows orders around blindly."

Kanda didn't even blink, but it was obvious he didn't believe a word.

"The thing is that ball is the one that led me to you."

"…What?"

_Shit, my mind is running amok now; DON'T SAY SOMETHING THAT CAN BE INTREPETED LIKE THAT._

Kanda raised his eyebrow at the barked question before answering, slowly like he was talking to a loony:

"That golden ball was the one that led me to you. You should know, idiot, after you passed out surrounded by those dead people."

"…I didn't know, you haven't told me anything about that day!"

"You haven't asked."  
"I have too!"

"Well, there's nothing to be told."

"Tell me!"

"Che… I just arrived in Paris when I got that message from HQ and had no idea where you were though it was obvious "clown" meant you. So that winged thing flew out of nowhere and led me to you."

It was quiet for a while, as Allen waited for the story to continue, but apparently Kanda didn't mean to tell him anything more.

"...That doesn't clarify much, you know."

"Well I don't really care. I just need to know about Timcanpy – who ordered it to me, how did it find me, and _where the hell is it now_?"

"I don't know, he always finds his targets, and I don't know. My God you're so ill-mannered, Kanda… Why did they send _you_ after me? After all, Krory and Fou are here too, and they're _Xions_…"  
"No fucking idea. Might have to do with the new branch chief here in Europe, Alma says he's a weird one."  
"Oh, how come?"

Allen was already fetching his seconds of rice and steak, though Kanda was only halfway though his share because of all the talking. The Japanese didn't answer before Allen was seated again.

"I hear he let Lavi travel all the way to school badly injured, just 'cause the stupid Usagi said he wanted to heal in a familiar place."

"Well…if Lavi himself wanted to, then…"

"There is no way travelling over an ocean with his Innocence should be allowed, it poses a risk to lose an Exorcist. Even though there're more nowadays than back in the 19th Century, Innocence is still limited."

"Is this, what could be called a worrywart Yu Kanda?"

Allen barely dodged a fork, aimed at his forehead. If Kanda of now was anything like then one from the past, he knew that fury was real, not just fake.

"No. It. Is. Not."

"Aww, how cute…" Allen laughed, hiding the shock inside: Had he just been relieved that Kanda wasn't especially worried about Lavi?

/ A/N: I gather I'm too confusing. xD But I love tinkering with things, and have finally decided on matters regarding _Kanda_. (I just bought volumes 19 and 20 and I think now I understand the whole second & third exorcist thing better, so I know my fave character better. Yay!) I have matriculation examinations coming up in two months, so I might not be able to write much before they're over – they're the final tests of Finnish high school/upper secondary.

But you know, you have the power to inspire me, you know… :3 /


	9. Fortress of Memories

/ A/N: I know I'm not supposed to be writing before the biggest tests in my life so far, BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. My yullen fandom continues to amaze me! :O

Oh yeah, just in case you're getting confused, the thoughts of the speaker are just on _italics_ _on their own row and in first person_, but _the flashbacks are always in third person and usually divided to their own paragraph_. Also, I try not to make anyone else speak in the thinker's thoughts, unlike in flashbacks. xD I'm telling you this to make sure, since this is a big flashback chapter! :D

Please enjoy! ^^

* * *

**9. ****Fortress of Memories**

"…_The Earl calls him 'Apocryphos'", Tyki finished like it was the most natural thing in the world for Earl to know the guardian of the Heart so well. Allen was still stunned from the whole deal, with what happened to Link and the two most familiar Noah siblings' appearance._

_He…_

"Will you fucking stop that?" a familiar, crude voice pulled him out of his dream in a millisecond. He was back in the train cart again, sitting next to the grumpy Japanese.

_Oh…it seems the memory invoked my Innocence…_

Well, the though in his mind was surprisingly rational considering that the Innocence had actually cradled Kanda in the long fingers and was pressing the training sword tighter to his thigh – and probably the air out of his lungs as well. Allen's face grew into a state of bright red shock and embarrassment and he quickly de-activated his arm and pulled it away from the fuming man.

"Do you realize how lucky you are, Moyashi? Everyone else in this cart is asleep; any irrationality would've woken them up to see your demon arm squeezing the life out of a fellow passenger."

"I do, too! Why do you have to always sound like you're the only one who understands things?"

"Because you're proving it every second you open your mouth", the other spat, "I've heard a whole deal about your dreaming activities from Cross, but never did I think you'd go whispering your memories in my ear like you have just now. It's annoying as hell, _moyashi_, so will you _stop it_?"

"Whispering my memories…?" the shock on his face grew deeper, more worried, more…restless. Had he really done that? What had he told Kanda in his sleep? A weird expression appeared on Kanda's face, suddenly turning the Xion very aware of the situation: the darkness outside, the steady rhythm of the train, the quiet sleeping sounds of unknown people, with just the two of them awake. The opaque darkness of Kanda's eyes had a little spark of playfulness, a smirk forming itself on his lips.

"You want to know what you've told me?"

_What is this? Is this really Kanda Yu?_

"Of course I want to know!"

"Hmm…"

"What? Just tell me!"

_I gotta make him tell me. Somehow. My heart will burst if I can't stay with him, even just this little…_

"There's no profit for me in telling you."  
"Oh come on… Even an asshole like you should know memories are very personal things. One should know what he had told another."  
"I see no profit in that."  
"You're a samurai, not a merchant! Come on!"

"Hmph… I'll tell you, for one condition: admit aloud that you are a _moyashi_.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT!"

* * *

It was cold in this hemisphere this time of the year. It was almost Christmas, almost his birthday, and here he was – in a small village in the middle of nowhere (easternmost Siberia, Russia, actually) after a frustrating three week trip by trains and busses and a cigarette-smelling taxi. The place was called Baranikha in English, _Бара́ниха_ in Russian. The place was an old mining town from many decades ago, but now there was no more profit from the tin mines and the number of inhabitants had fallen to a handful. The place made Allen feel guilty, even though it wasn't his fault the economy here had declined so drastically.

Even though they didn't speak the same language, both he and Kanda were welcomed warmly. In 2014, the DI had come here and been the ones to finally dismantle the RTG with high background radiation levels. Now, four years later, the mostly undercover organization continued to support the original inhabitants who still lived here, though there were only two small families left anymore. Kanda gave his usual cold shoulder to everything, but Allen almost burst to tears from the sadness and love and quietness of the old town and its people.

Why were they here?

After Kanda had been forcing him through muscle-training for two days straight, Fou and Krory had found them. Allen smiled inwardly when he remembered Fou's fury:

"_You can't even imagine how worried we were! You should've told us you were still in the city, Kanda!"_

It had seemed she knew Kanda from somewhere outside Allen's knowledge in this life as well. Though, knowing Fou, she might just know him as the world champion of fencing and kendo, not personally: the woman had a skill of treating everyone like old friends.

Anyway, Krory had brought Allen his luggage, which he had been very grateful for, and immediately after he had changed into fresh, black-and-white clothes, his phone had started ringing and at the other end had been Komui.

"_Allen, finally I got a hold of you! There is a new emergency!"_

"_Eh? What's wrong?"_

"_My precious, precious Lenalee…! She's really disappeared: we can't reach her _or_ Lavi!"_

"_What? Since when have they been gone?"  
"Well, they already left months ago, but they've been keeping in touch at least somewhat until now…"_

_Kanda took the phone Allen had switched on speaker mode, his tone very calm and business-like:  
"When was the last time they contacted you?"_

"_They called or sent mail at least every two weeks, now it's been almost four!"_

"_Give me the damn date, curly head."_

"_Ah, yes, let me see… November 15__th__ 2018, sent by Lavi via his pocket laptop is the last contact."  
"What does it say?"_

"'_Hey Principals, happy to announce we have been good…'"_

"_I don't want a full version; just give me the main points."_

"…_He says they've been to many churches and… picked hundreds of flowers from around the globe… And that they are heading to Siberia next…"_

_Kanda frowned, to Allen it was clear he didn't understand what Komui was talking about, though to others, he probably just looked angry._

"_Any specific region? Siberia is huge…" Allen took the phone back, having regained his composure as well._

"_No, but we've had time to look into it. There has been some change of color in the flowers around eastern Siberia, known as the Chukotka Autonomous Okrug. We believe that is the area he meant."_

"_Have you contacted Master?"_

"_Well, I sure have _tried_ to…"  
"…I see…"_

"_Chukotka, I've been there. I'll go pull the weeds or whatever, the idiot and the girl will freeze to death there this time of year."_

Of course, Allen had been unable to let a non-Xion like Kanda go alone, and had tagged along. They had bought some clothes from Moscow after the long train-ride through Europe. That had been the ride Allen had been forced to admit aloud he was a bean-sprout and it had been the ride that had eased his mind and brought comfort to his heart. Kanda didn't know about what he most wanted to keep from him: he had only been whispering about Mana and the souls of the akuma, hadn't mentioned any names except for Mana, Tyki and the Earl. And the 14th, if you wanted to think of it as a _name_. Kanda still seemed to not remember, which was starting to make Allen wonder. How had the Japanese ended up in Mygdi village, really? He had no Innocence, no special powers apart from the fighting techniques (though they were plenty for anyone outside DI) and after listening to how he treated Link through the phone when the supervisor tried to contact him Allen now doubted his loyalties as well.

"Hold that arm prepared", was all Kanda said as he started down the dig. Allen sighed and followed the dark person with a huge torch in his right hand. He himself had a helmet with a smaller and weaker light, just in case they got separated. Watching Kanda's back, clad in a thick winter coat, he envisioned the other end of his scarf was his hair, swaying from right to left, catching the light, so straight, silky… God, he really missed that hair. How could Kanda not even blink? Maybe he was being sentimental or it was some unknown part of him speaking, but it seemed like the man didn't even really care much about his own things. To not care about others is one thing, but to not give any weight to their own suffering, the past that Kanda had to know he had been part of…

Many things about Kanda had been kind of off; he had been acting out-of-character. Like that sleep-deprive back in Paris, and _wanting_ to come here…

Was he not only colder than before, but out of his mind?

* * *

"_I was thinking…perhaps you'd like an explanation for the word choices Lavi made in that message to Komui", Allen filled the quietness between them, during one of their long stops on the way through the huge country of Russia. They were sitting at a small café; the outside tables were wooden and had obviously sat on their places for years. Kanda, who had been sitting opposite from Allen with his back turned to him, keeping an eye out for the bus driver, turned his upper torso and propped his jaw with an elegant hand. He wasn't looking at Allen, but the Xion knew he was to continue._

"_First I have to ask: you never got the letter I left for all of you back at school to find?"_

"_No."  
"'Section Leader, Chief, Bookman, Princess, BaKanda. Greetings, There are so very many flowers blooming in churches. I've been going to check them out. Many of the flowers already bloom red, under the strongest kind; tall and black.'"_

"_Never heard that before."_

"_I was sure you'd all see it in that order. But oh well. In that letter, I talked about 'visiting churches' and 'flowers of varying colors'. What I meant was going on missions like back in the Black Order days, seeing people, their souls. Tall and black flowers are how me and Master refer to the Noah."_

_Kanda's dark eyes turned to him for a moment and Allen realized he was talking about the past and the Noah family straightforwardly for the first time. He gave Kanda a ginger smile to hide his adoring emotion at how swiftly the other had noticed the change._

"_Since Lavi's obviously seen the letter and somehow cracked the simple wordplay code, what he meant by going to churches and picking flowers is obvious: he's been doing the work of a Xion, though he's really not been admitted in yet."_

"_Lavi has Innocence?" Kanda's question had no surprised tone in it, just a small flick of interest._

"_Yes. Me and Cross, we met him a while back, before we reached Mygdi. He had found his Innocence somewhere and appeared to also be on the edge of remembering the past."_

"_Wait. Lavi's a past Exorcist?"  
"Why yes, you didn't know?"_

"_Che…"_

"_Many people who have Innocence in this life had it in the past too. Lavi was a close friend to me in the past, and now that he probably has regained all his memories, I really want to meet up with him again. And Lenalee, too! I wonder if she has the same Innocence…!"_

"_Stop smiling like some goofy old man, Moyashi", Kanda grumbled and stood, leaving his coke almost untouched, "The driver's waving, we're most likely going to continue the journey."_

_Allen sighed and gulped down both of their drinks and ran after the other._

_

* * *

_

In last, violent fury he rose up to his feet uncaring of the wave of nausea and blood flowing from his forehead – he had hit the rock wall pretty harshly but his skull had withstood the blow by some miracle – and he activated his Innocence to the second stage. It was all he could take right now. Gun crying purifying beams, bathing in the glow of blue and gold, his body moving from sheer force of will (and maybe the Innocence), Allen finally made it. The last of the herd of akuma, a fearsome Level 3, turned to ash after a beam slashed through it, from shoulder to hip. Allen forced himself to take the few strides needed to reach his "sensei". Falling to his knees, Innocence reducing back to an arm, he carefully rubbed away the memory of its curiosity to Kanda, the ashy fingers on his neck.

Still affected by one of the level 2's sleeping power, the Japanese couldn't open his eyes. Allen took the chance to inspect his wounds, and was relieved to find out there were almost none. He himself had numerous more or less dramatic wounds all around his body, but nothing fatal. They had both been very, very lucky. A crooked smile managed on his face and he fell down beside Kanda, happily lying down as the pain from the wounds returned when the adrenaline levels lowered. He could hear the other struggle against the akuma's dark matter spell, even though he himself was gasping for air quite loudly after the strain of fighting.

_The akuma found Kanda interesting._

His thoughts started dancing in circles.

_It didn't seem to try to kill him like they usually do, it was… Well it was strangling him just now but… It seemed like it was curious as to…what would happen if it made him stop breathing…_

His mind went blank and his chest felt tight at the very thought of Kanda getting strangled.

_But all that curiosity really came out after he had fallen asleep… It's like all of their attitudes towards him changed that instant._

He turned to lie on his side, facing Kanda, whose face already had the usual frown on it.

_Hey, Kanda… I…have the feeling you have some big secrets again._

Allen sighed.

_If only you were a Xion, we wouldn't need a lifetime to reach that level of trust we had as Exorcists again. I know I'm being selfish, but it's allowed, right? After all, you're not able to read my thoughts._

"Mmn, fuck this…" the Japanese slurred a curse. His muscles were twitching as he slowly recovered control, but in a very humane way, his face seemed to work the earliest. Allen stumbled into a sitting position, partly just to be ready to help, partly to hide his previous thoughts and the fluttery beat in his chest from the low, sleepy tone. Then he was presented a wonder, as the Asian eyes opened and instead of unnamed darkness of opaque, he was met with deep cobalt.

He realized what he had felt for this man for some time now had not been real love. _This_ was real love. Allen was overwhelmed by both memories of those blue eyes and the sudden, pulse-like magnetism that kept him in here and now. It was hard to breath with all the thoughts at the same time speeding up in his head and disappearing from there. He could only stare helplessly, as Kanda raised an eyebrow at him, his mask not quite there yet due to recovery.

"Moyashi…? So you won after all?"

"_Allen…? So you…triumphed after all?"_

The words were so similar… Even though this situation and that were far apart… (Well, could anything be _close_ to the short moment before he actually died in the past? Not really – hopefully ever.) It made Allen want to cry, the painful memory he should not ever have had since he actually had been dead at that moment, and yet… And yet, he was already crying.

_The futuristic city of cubicle, high towers of houses, made of weird, homogenous substances, the huge windows incredibly thin as they were strong, streets straight lines crossing each other, covered by some other dark substance instead of stones…this was the new Arc. But why was he still here? For one thing, he was most certainly very dead. He knew it for certain, since he could see his own body, the bloody, broken bag atop the Earl's empty overcoat._

_So, since he was dead, why was he still here?_

_The train of his thoughts suddenly halted, everything came to a dead end, as he instinctively followed the sound of footsteps. They were heavy and unsteady, not like drums, more like scraping sounds and slow, desperate movement onwards. His eyes locked to the figure that lacked more than half of the other arm and bled like he had before dying. He knew it was impossible to recognize someone, who lacked almost every area of skin possible, bled so much and whose form was so…disgraceful, but still, he knew. His heart knew. This was the person he loved._

_He heard himself shouting his name, but the other didn't seem to hear him, or even realize he was present. The pace of the footsteps turned rapid, like there was some bundle of energy left in him after all, and Allen saw himself being pulled into the arms of that man. He wished to God he would still be alive, he missed those arms so badly! Even though the last moments had been filled with agony, both in spiritual and bodily manner, Allen was hoping he could go back in that broken body of an Exorcist and feel Kanda's touch for the last time…_

_It was so wrong for them to have separated in swears and disagreement. Their relationship was so much more than just that._

_Then his ghostly heart stopped at the sound. At first he had no idea what it was, what could it possibly be in an empty battleground like this? He felt himself falling to pieces as he realized it was wailing, crying, screaming; _mourning_. And it came from that fractured being that held what was left of the Apostle of God by the name Walker Allen._

_It was a sound horrible enough to make him lose his mind, or it should have been, but all he did was land on the floor as if he could without a physical body, and walk, slowly, towards the man making the heartbreaking sound._

"_BaKanda", he whispered, "You're going to make me cry. Like I haven't done enough of that already…"_

_Suddenly the other turned his face, which was already starting to slowly get back its skin due to the regenerative abilities of a Second Exorcist, straight to Allen. Not the body Kanda was holding but the soul that had come across the room. Those beloved cobalt blue eyes locked into his and Allen found himself crying rivers, as if he was still alive. He had never thought he'd see those eyes like this again, filled with endless, deep grief. Last time it had been because of Alma. Now…it was for Allen._

"_Moyashi…?"_

_Again, it was instinct – he had only been dead for maybe an hour, after all – for him to try to wipe away the bloody tears in those slowly healing eyes. But his hand just went through like there was nothing there, or like it didn't exist. As he had thought, mare souls could not touch living flesh._

"_Allen…? So you…triumphed after all?"_

"_I…yes…I think I did…" he gulped, trying to hold in his tears. He knew Kanda didn't like them, hated how he always cried like the world was worth it. But he only started crying more when Kanda actually struggled up a smile, it was both fake and real, there for him to understand, and he did._

"_Yu…I'm so sorry, I…I failed you, I…didn't survive, even though you did, and I'm just… I'm so sorry… _Gomenasai, Yu…"

"_...Stop apologizing…once should be enough… It can't be helped, now can it? I didn't make it…to help you…so it was inevitable… No one could defeat the Earl of Millennium without paying a huge toll…"_

"_It wasn't your fault-!"_

"_Allen, you're fading! Oi, listen to me, don't you dare leave yet!" those words were shouted out with despair and when Allen glanced at himself, he could see it too. He was indeed fading._

"_I guess…I'm not going to become a spirit like Fou after all…" he forced a laugh._

"_You idiot… Come on, you're still here! There's got to be a way to make you able to stay, we just have to think fast…"  
"No…"_

"_Think!"  
"No."  
"Che, like I'd let you die on me like this!"_

"_Yu… stop it. It can't be helped, and you know it just as well as I do…"_

_His heart broke at the face his "secret" lover made, it was, if possible, even worse than the wail earlier. It was the face…of a man twice heartbroken within the same hour. He somehow sensed that would be the face Kanda would wear eternally. That it would devour him from the inside and kill him._

"…_I…I'm begging you, please, I couldn't keep my promise, you keep yours at least! … Please, Yu, you have to stay alive! All the things we've seen and learned, we have to pass it on. There will always be a new generation that might need our knowledge…"_

_His words were followed by a deep, dark silence, then:_

"_I hear you…"_

_GOD, I BEG OF YOU, I PRAY OF YOU, PLEASE LET ME TOUCH HIM FOR THESE LAST MOMENTS BEFORE WE PART._

_He sent up his last and perhaps most selfish prayer and when he moved to hug the "Japanese" man, it really came true – he could feel the pulsing in the veins being reborn and revived, the skin growing back, the beating of his heart, his breath, and he felt Kanda lean back to him, though his arms were still tightly around Allen's body… _

"_Yu Kanda, I still don't know everything about you and it's my biggest regret in this life, but I have to thank you. Thank you for everything, for being my number one object of aggression and all the other emotions, thank you for being yourself, for helping me and supporting me even though I had a Noah in me. I thank you for…for caring so much about me and for surviving… I love you, Yu, everything about you, even the things I really hate. I love you and I always will, even if it's impossible…"_

"_Make that a vow… If you vow you will, I'll believe you, and I'll take your legacy on my shoulders. So you could rest in peace."_

_For a moment he eased his grip on his beloved and backed away enough to see his eyes, he drowned in the satin blue and the words came out calmly and easily:_

"_I, Allen Walker, Exorcist of Crown Clown, swear in this moment to forever and always again love this man I'm holding, Yu Kanda, Exorcist of Mûgen. This I vow in the name of my very self, the one that defeated the Earl of Millennium."_

_His hands had already almost completely disappeared and the transparency was probably already reaching his neck. But Kanda smiled to him and kissed him, tenderly licking his lips like he always liked to do in their rare private time, and he said:_

"_What Allen Walker has sworn I have witnessed, and I shall vow the very same loyalty to him, in my own name and self."_

"_What? You mean you're actually…"_

"_No time for that, _moyashi_. Listen. I will live but someday I too will die, and then I'll first catch Alma and finally talk things straight. Then I will come find you, and you better be ready, because I'm not going tolerate any disobedience to that vow. Is that clear?"_

"_Yes… I guess I'll…see you later then."_

"_You will. Good bye."_

_"_Sayanora_."_

_

* * *

_

They hadn't exchanged any words after Allen had come back from his memories. Kanda had taken his helmet which had gotten through the fight without losing the small light and slowly, with Allen supported by him, they made their way towards the surface. The mines were a place that made one nervous, even those of present day. But this one, abandoned for decades, was even scarier. None of the entrances were actually even open; they had torn off some plywood and metal bars to make a small gap to enter through. So, even if they were already close to an entrance, they wouldn't see it: not even if they were lucky and happened to be midday outside.

Anyway, they were both injured as well, so getting back up would take more time than getting up.

"_What I saw was the vast, blue sky. Though I had never seen it before, I knew what it was."_

_Yeah…if Kanda Remembered, this would probably be painful for him_, Allen thought, as he tried his best not slip and not to start shaking from the blood loss.

Then suddenly he smelled fresh, snowy air, and the cold seeped through the holes in his clothes. Kanda set him down and began to rip off the plywood blocking the small mine entrance they had stumbled across to. A lot of dust and icy sand moved and blew around and then Allen was pulled back up again and helped through the opening. He faced the sky and saw the stars, gleaming like jewels, just like always, and up north he could see the aurora borealis – green and lush fields of lights in the sky, moving like in a slow-motion film, like waves meadows. When he looked the other way, he could see the moon, rising as a golden ball behind Kanda's head and he smiled at the other man, exhausted but relieved and happy. What beautiful scenery.

"We should return", Kanda said, his voice somehow fitting the scenery so well it took a while for Allen to understand the simple words.

"Where?"

"To Baranikha of course, idiot."

"Oh… Yeah, we should return. The townspeople probably think we're dead."

"They'd better not have touched my stuff…" Kanda mumbled, pissed, as he lowered himself, "Get on my back, Moyashi."

"Huh!"

"You heard me. You're not gonna be able to walk in snow this deep when you already had trouble in there."

Since Kanda was right, Allen gave in with a submitting nod and climbed on the swordsman's wide back.

"Now talk."

"What? Why?" Allen stammered at the sudden request. They barely made it away from the entrance in the snow that sometimes gave in enough for Kanda to sink in to his hips.

"It's cold and your clothes are as good as their weakest point, which means you'll fall into hypothermia easily. Talking will keep you warmer and more over, awake."

_He's…he's right. He might really have been here before._

"But…I've got nothing to talk about."

"…Hmph. …How about the past?"  
"Are you curious about the past, Kanda?" Allen smiled at the thought and at the strong shaking of head he got along the answer:

"No. But if there's nothing to talk about, at least that would pass the time better than just chitchat."

"…Hmm, very well then. Since you ask… I'll tell you about you."

"What?"

"You. Since you were also an Exorcist I knew in the past. I can't really tell my story without all the pieces, you know?" inwardly, Allen was giggling like a teenage girl. Sure, he would not tell about their later, secret relationship but he _would_ tell about the day-to-day life in the Black Order.

_It's safe until the battle in the Arc and the 14__th__ being found out, as long I make sure not to tell about our secret…_

So, Allen started from the very beginning, from the teenage-himself climbing up the peculiar mountain on which the Black Order HQ had stood.

* * *

It almost seemed like they had forgotten why they came to Siberia in the first place. Spending their time inside the houses of the two families, listening to their exotic language, learning their manners and recovering at the same time, they really would've passed as DI personnel whose mission had been this remote town's trouble of akuma. But they didn't forget why they had come. They had come in search of two people about their age: a beautiful young woman, Chinese, well-mannered, sweet and lovable, and a young man with an eye-patch and distinct, bright red hair, weird manners and an endless chest of knowledge and stories.

The people of Baranikha didn't have any information about people like that, but the akuma had given them a hint during the fight in the old tin mine: "A pair of people like you visited here briefly before they continued towards north."

In the north, there was the biggest town in the Chukotka area, Pevek, and Allen and Kanda had agreed to go there next. They had been told DI paid a helicopter to fly between Pevek and Baranikha once a month, and it would be coming on 23rd next. So they decided to get a helicopter ride rather than a car, and took it easy as guests for the few days in between.

Kanda's way of treating Allen had changed, though, and that made the albino pretty distracted from the subject of finding what they were looking for. After hearing the story on the way back here, Kanda had noted that if by any chance Allen was to become like he had been in the past, he would stand by him again. Just like that, the Japanese had turned around the whole perspective from which Allen had been looking at him. That, and the fact his eyes had been blue again inside the mine, though now they were back to opaque black.

When the helicopter came, they spoke to the pilot – who spoke fluent English – and he agreed to wait until they gathered their belongings and took a bath. The pilot appeared to be a distant relative to the people of this town, a woman who had lived her life following his father, a member of the Desert Institution. Her father was one of those who had died in the explosion of the original HQ, but that had only made his daughter more willing to help out. Allen knew he could trust the woman.

Since his injuries weren't completely healed yet, they had taken into the habit of him taking two baths a day, after which Kanda would check his wounds and help bandage them. It was rather comfortable, since the two of didn't need to change many words. Allen was reminded of the problems with his leg in Paris, and the fact Kanda was still there to help him recover – though his ways were still rather brutal – made him very thankful. It was like, suddenly they had been stuck to each other for a long time and now it felt almost natural.

But, every waking hour, Allen was also very worried about many things. First was of course his heart. It was doing fine till now, he hadn't done anything weird and the moments of being pulled off his feet had been rare. Even though it tingled every time Kanda touched him, even though his way of calling him a bean sprout in many different ways made him want to be closer, able to touch him and call his name more naturally, too, he just couldn't quite take it.

_The only reason I'm able to stay so calm and act so natural is that we were pretty much like this once already. It feels like I'm back to the time we worked for Black Order, I'm suppressing my will to love him freely and he's holding himself back from killing or having his way with me. We were both acting like this out of respect for the other's character but is it alright to be doing this even now?_

He sighed and pressed his cheek to the cold glass of the helicopter's window and let himself fall asleep. They would have a lot of work to do in Pevek.

* * *

/ A/N: Okay, now you might very confused, since the timeline of this chapter is not the easiest possible. What I want you to understand here, though, is that _that's how it's meant to be_. Allen is still getting consumed by the memories of the past pretty easily, and since this is his POV, I wanted to show how he sees the days. If you're very confused, you might want to go through it again, just to check the confusing places, since this was an important chapter. :)

I still want to recommend reading this fic with the fanfiction's Dark "form": click the work Dark beside "Light" in the upper right corner of this page and the background will turn black and the text white. I know for some people that is hard to read, but if possible, please read this that way. I always use it and think it suits dark'ish fics well. :3

**Important note: **Baranikha in the autonomous ogryk of Chukotka _exists_, and so do the two other places in Siberia I'm going to introduce in the next chapter. I have never been there and am very limited in my skills of Russian, so I've had to rely in Wikipedia for information. :( What I tell about Baranikha in general in this fic should be true, but the number of inhabitants in 2014 onwards, how could I know? And what the mines are like, how much snow they get in December? No, no, no... So I'm kicking in my AU from there.

Searching photos and information about these three places has made feel very sad and and compassionate, and I hope no one's gonna go: SEE! THE COMMUNISTS ARE AKUMA! after reading these few chapters. We're all people, and living in a country next to Russia, I'm telling you: there're lots of wonderful people there! :) I'm only saying this because I know there're people out there who simply close their eyes and see the world as black and white.

As a person who loves world peace as an idea, be it impossible or not, I want to include the thought that all of us humans are equals and should consider each other and the nature as one big family, agreements and disagreements shaking hands.

Man, sorry for the long preaching... See you next chapter! If ever I can, I'll try not to post it before April! xDDD


	10. Finding Our Friends

/ A/N: The tests are OVER, for this spring at least. I didn't do well on two of them but that as expected and not entirely the fault of this fandom – on the same week we also had the premiere of our newest play and I have _five_ roles in it. Geez, people, DO NOT DO AS I DID. I mean it. D:

Anyway, this is yet again longer than the other chapters: the actual chapter is about 5200 words. Wow. :O I'll save the rant for the bottom, see you there. xD

Enjoy! ^^ /

* * *

**10. Finding Our Friends**

As they bid farewell to the pilot – Allen yawning and stretching, Kanda discreetly – the sun was already quickly setting behind the town. Everything and nothing was ordinary in this plane of existence, as the weather master decided to play innocent, letting snow fall slowly, in flakes so small you didn't really realize their existence if not for the glitter they had in the smallest of light. It was very cold, their cheeks and noses turned colder and started to get red, and the cold was biting where it could.

They were two people clothed very differently. Kanda had not accepted the furry overcoat and -hat the people of Baranikha had offered and ought to be regretting it by now. Allen had taken the offer, fully aware of the fact that he was not used to these temperatures and was thus much more open for frostbites. Simply having no experience of such cold places was sort of weird of him, who had travelled a lot with his Master. They wondered around until they found the place their pilot had recommended, an old motel from the times Pevek had actually been home for many more people and harbor for much more sea traffic. It was owned by an old lady, and kept up by her daughter and family. Kanda soon became pissed at the laughing, running, smiling, clinging and overall happy four children.

They got separate rooms, as they had always, but as Allen sat on his bed and looked outside from the small window, he could only sigh heavily. He had kind of gotten used to this, travelling in Russia with Kanda. But if their untrustworthy lead turned out correct, this would soon end. He felt himself expecting the meeting of Lavi and Lenalee with mixed feelings. They were beloved friends whom he missed, was worried about and wanted to be with, but the relationship he had with Kanda was still very fragile. He knew it to be too easy for them to fall back into the school-time fighting instead of the small bickering that was now getting more common.

"Did you get enough sleep in the helicopter, _moyashi_?" Kanda's voice came through the slit of hallway visible from the door. He cracked it more open as he heard Allen's humming yes, and the silver-eyed could now see the shadow of the tall man, the fine shape half of his body made into the plane of existence.

_Plain of existence again, eh… Since when was I such a poet?_

"There's no way that's why you're here though. What is it?" Allen had to ask, as the dark-eyed one seemed to only watch him through the slit of open door. A _tch_ and a _che_ followed close after his words and the Japanese closed his eyes, as if gathering patience.

"We have been called to join the table."

"Oh! Together with the whole family?"

"Yes."  
"Yay!" Allen jumped off the bed and straightened his gloves. When he pushed the door open Kanda moved only slightly.

"Why are you so exited you freak?" he asked, his expression telling Allen all he needed to know about how the Japanese _enjoyed_ the thought of yet _another _happy family meal in the foreign place that offered _no soba whatsoever_.  
"Seriously, meeting new people should not be that horrible", the Xion sighed as he took off, towards the smell of wonderful _food_.

* * *

It turned out they hadn't been very well informed after all. Pevek was _not_ the biggest but third biggest town in all of Chukotka, the biggest in the northern part of the area. It lay on the eastern bank of Chaunskaya Bay, a port and mining site by its origin and on its way to shrink into a ghost town, just like many other communities in this part of the world. Though the number of inhabitants had decreased drastically from its first years after WWI, it wasn't total downhill anymore due to Desert Institution's people. There were many people from all around the world gathered here for work, mainly to help keep the supplies and messages running in the DI-friendly towns (such as Baranikha).

The dinner took hours and hours, which fit Allen fine, and they were introduced to the whole extended family and friends and even some people who carried the DI Identity Card in their wallets. Of course, even the best he tried, Allen could not keep all the names in mind. But there was someone who caught his interest: a blonde, a little happy-go-lucky type of person, called Edgar. Yes, he was the very same man Allen had seen in Kanda's memories in the past, Bak's father, a scientist a descendant of the Chan family – someone Alma had killed in his rampage. Allen didn't really get to talk to him much, since Edgar concentrated more on keeping Kanda occupied (in means to protect the townspeople from The Glare and the like), but he did come across the fact he was now Polish. _And _that he seemed to know Kanda, yet again.

As more and more people turned up who knew Kanda from this life (at least), personnel of the DI and civilians the like, Allen found himself more and more eager to stretch his still no fully recovered wounds and _move on_.

* * *

When they finally got on the right trail, dozens of akuma, Kanda's acquaintances and places later, leaving Pevek felt almost like leaving home no matter the annoying circumstances (as in: he hadn't been told a single fact about Kanda). As he watched the modern-type buildings grow smaller from the small airplane's window, Allen could still see the rust and ruin piling in places where no one worked anymore. It started to snow, just like the day they had arrived, but this time the flakes were bigger and soon enough the field of vision was blurred.

The white-haired young man sighed and turned back to his Russian language books, stealing glances around him at the other people in the plane. Kanda wasn't even sitting next to him; the little closeness they had achieved in Baranikha was almost like it had never existed. Unlike on the helicopter ride from there to Pevek, this was an actual commuter flight, though very small. 18 people including them and the pilot sat inside the high-tech metal bird. Kanda was sitting on the co-pilot's seat, having agreed about it beforehand, but Allen couldn't even see him.

_His hair will be long before I see him again._

…

_Hmh, well, maybe that's a little exaggerated, even for a love struck fool I am._

The flight seemed very ordinary, except it was actually everything but: all the passengers, including the pilot, were members of the DI – volunteer workers on their way to new locations or so, two of whom had offered to come with them as Finders since they happened to have the same destination. Allen had agreed, since judging by the amount of akuma born here, he and Kanda would be busy. Allen because he was a Xion, Kanda because the akuma…found him interesting.

That made something a little brighter for Allen's sorry heart. At least during times in risky areas, like forlorn fabrics or homes where sorrow resided, Kanda never left his side. Considering he didn't have Innocence, his amazing illusion techniques had turned out pretty useful. He could fight a level 1 equally – though Kanda of course couldn't exterminate anything: that was always Crown Clown's job.

Because of Kanda's non-discreet avoiding, Allen had had a lot of time to think. So after thinking about everything else in the world possible, including memories and the new coming of the Noah (how they too looked the same again etc.) he grudgingly let himself dig into the subject of his re-awakened feelings and the rather enigmatic, cold character that was Kanda Yu of the 21st Century.

Putting everything together on a timeline was a little bit difficult with the memories he had yet to organize, but the lucky part was that they would first fly to Wrangel Island northeast and then return to Chaunskaya Bay and get dropped off on Ayon Island. He had time.

Starting from the basics, Kanda was a globally recognized talent in swords, 19-years-old, born 9.9.1999. At 183 cm, 79 kg, he was rather tall for Japanese. He had black, straight hair and black eyes, his figure was deceivingly slender, and he was antisocial. Though he had bad manners and foul mouth, he had many admirers partly due to his athletic skill, partly his good looks. Even though this was all true, there was no information on him having had affairs with anyone and it was a known fact he only admitted having one friend. This was all publicly known about him.

Alma Karma was the name of the friend Kanda had. The two had known each other for a lifetime, as far as Allen could tell, and it seemed impossible to break them apart. The way Alma was allowed to call Kanda by his first name and how Kanda bared with his cheerful act, even smiled when the other was around, told a story of a strong relationship. They did fight sometimes, Allen had seen it happen in Mygdi, but they would never beat each other the same way Kanda did with Allen. Alma had said, though, that it was just that Kanda had switched his target of aggression for some reason. ("He attacks you 'cuz you're _cute_!" Alma had smiled, which Allen had deadpanned ridiculous without a second thought.)

Now that Allen had spent some extra time with the Japanese man, he had grown even more suspicious of his motives. Kanda made it quite clear he didn't like people, especially not lively people like Lavi, so why had he insisted on coming along to this trip? Was it because of Lenalee – after all the two of them didn't seem to be in as bad relations as everyone else.

_Oh, for goodness sake, Lenalee's your friend exactly because she's everyone's friend – she treats Kanda the same as everyone she's known for a long time. There's no reason to be jealous…even if Kanda never nicknamed her anything and treats her like an actual being. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, ALLEN WALKER…_ he hissed to himself in his thoughts, the sound of air whizzing from behind his teeth collecting a few slightly curious glances from the others on the plane. He gave them a goofy grin and resumed with where he left off before being cut off by his own mind.

Kanda hadn't ever been nice to anyone but he had acknowledged some. On that list, Allen knew there were Alma and Lenalee, and possibly the man he just met in Pevek, Edgar. So, he concluded, the past Exorcist was on the trip most likely because of Lenalee. But it was still illogical, since Kanda had actually willingly gotten in Allen's company and even helped him. Had Allen gone to the deserted mine in Baranikha without Kanda, he would most likely have been in trouble… since the Xion always found new strength from the will to protect people, especially those important to him personally, so Kanda having been there as a target of interest for the akuma had probably made Allen able to pump his synchronization higher. And because he had been stronger, he had been able to go through it without too bad injuries. And since, even with him there, they had been lethal enough for Allen to need Kanda's help to get away afterwards, the mare existence of the samurai had on many different levels saved him.

_Owe him you do, me._

Memories flooded his mind.

"_Hey, Kanda?"_

"_What?"  
"I really owe you a lot don't I? You've saved my life and watched my back, helped me stay myself over all this and given me a shoulder to lean on when I tire out…"_

"_Che. I am not one of those fucking debt collectors you fear so much."_

_Allen smiled._

"_That's true. But I don't know if I'd even mind if you were. You know, I'm not the only troubled one…your brooding has a reason too. Why not trust me a little and let me carry some of your burden?"  
"…I will not do that if I can avoid it."_

"_But why? Don't you trust me?"_

"_I don't believe in those sentimental emotions. But do not think I'm blind. I can well see the weight of what you're carrying already breaking your puny back. Breaking it with shit would be damn useless."_

"_But…"_

"_First you rid yourself of that bitch Noah in you and then we discuss this again. Topic closed."_

"_But...!"_

"_No buts."_

_A short silence, then Allen caught the distance between them and plopped his forehead against Kanda's._

"_You're right. Saving everyone, both the human and the akuma, keeping my honor as a gentleman and becoming even better and better, the 14__th__ never did fit my agenda nor did the Inspector with his cold stare. I didn't think you would, either, but you're a sore loser, kicked yourself a lot of space in areas unknown to me, the cursed pawn of God. Now you have your own space in there and you've gotten so close it's wrong. But what is it Kanda, that you make of me?"_

_This time the silence was quite a bit longer. Their foreheads were touching but neither closed their eyes. Then Kanda licked his lips and said softly:_

"_Yu."_

"_What about me?"_

"_No. My name, idiot. Call me Yu."_

_Allen gasped._

"_Are you serious?"_

"_When it's just the two of us I'm allowing it. You hear me? _Oi, Moyashi._"_

"_I…I heard you… I'm just so happy I could wither and die like actually was some puny _moyashi_."_

"_Don't talk shit. I was serious."_

"_Yeah… Yu…" he tested the name with his tongue, his lips forming the 'u' with care, "If I call you like that, you should call me by my name, too."_

"_You mean Moyashi?" Kanda actually grinned._

"_GOD DARNIT IT'S ALLEN!"_

* * *

Ayon Island – a few hundred inhabitants, economy based on raising reindeer. The lifestyle of the people was still far from urban, sleeping and living at least partial times of the year in a traditional tent was far from rare. The island itself wasn't that small, but the only area that had inhabitants was the northwest cost.

"They say this is a 'Rural locality in Chaunsky district of Chukotka' and that most of the people living here are 'Chukchi'", the other of the two Finders accompanying them said, having read the prints they had gotten in Pevek. Allen nodded:

"Chukchi… Is there something special about them, except that they are the original people here?"

"Their old religion was of the type where each thing has a soul, but the Soviet Union prohibited its practice. Chukchi have suffered a lot under the Russian power in the past, but as they have become literate and gained university degrees, they are mingling in the urban culture. Places like this island are like rare memories of the past."

"Okay...so they're official members of the Russian people now. That's good…"

"We do joke about them a lot though", the other of the Finders, a Russian man admitted, talking for the first time in the whole trip.

"Really? What kind of jokes do y—"

"Shut it with the chit chat, _moyashi_, right now", Kanda snapped. He was further ahead from them, on top of a small hill. His back seemed tight even through the thick coat. Allen could see how he was suddenly tensed up.

The Xion frowned and ran up to the other, glancing at his face before looking down…he saw nothing out of the ordinary, just a tent a few hundred meters north and the snowy scenery.

"What now? It's just a tent…"  
Kanda punched him so hard his sight filled with colorful dots and his whole body did a 180. And then he could see it. From the corner of his left eye, he saw a huge black and grey orb right behind the tent, partially hovering over it. He gasped and turned fully that way, but saw nothing than the tent.

"I can't see it if I look straight towards it…" he mumbled as Kanda continued to stare in the direction the black orb had been.

"Che. You played around with your Master for so long and he didn't teach you even this much. Useless…"  
"I didn't play around! My hand used to only be able to banish some lame evil spirits and I don't have the eye that sees the akuma this time around… It was important training though it was basics! And I _am_ currently one of the strongest Xion."  
"Why do you suddenly want to boast in situation like this?"

"I'm not bragging, I'm telling you not to look down on me!"  
"Tch… Whatever training you have actually had it's gonna be no use if you can't see the enemy."  
"That BALL is the enemy?"  
"Idiot, that is a Cell – a space distortion not much different from the Arcs, designed to keep Innocence locked in and normal people out. It's made of dark matter and very time consuming to make."  
"…So it's the Noah's doing?"  
"Of course."  
"…Maybe they are in there. If it can keep the Innocence inside, it could keep people easily…"

"Normal people can't even get in. So if they are inside, it's obvious they really do have Innocence. And if they have Innocence, they must be brought to the DI."

Kanda never stopped looking at the direction the tent was and his hand was twitching like it missed something. Allen sighed, turned his face a little off-direction and from the side of his eye, he saw the orb again.

"Can you two see it?" he asked when the Finders came to stand beside them.

"No…I can't even see anything there like you seem to, Master Walker."

"Same here... Can you describe what you see?" the Russian man asked, a DI mini-laptop balanced on his knees.

"Hovering partially over the tent in north is a huge orb, grey and black in color. Its size is about 800 meters horizontal, 800 diagonal. Kanda says it's a…Cell, made by Noah."

"You two got the basic equipment at hand?" Kanda asked, hands now forming two tight fists.

"Of course and we've got even more…"  
"Then make a stronghold on this place, a triangle shape with the sharpest angle pointing toward that tent…"  
"Kanda, I'm going to go now. You'll be able to do that without me as well, right?"  
For the first time after taking notice of the Cell, the Japanese turned his eyes from it. The black wavered a little, turning slightly cobalt as the two travelers faced each other in a way that seemed like a staring contest. The frown on Kanda's face hardened and his expression became stony epitome of anger. Still, his words were steady and professional:

"Go and do your job, Xion."

So Allen activated his Innocence, forgetting the tiredness after the extra travel today and all the old and new questions that had risen regarding Kanda. Then he took off, ready to see how that orb would break. He'd probably have to break to get out himself.

* * *

"Hello, hello, dear customer, good day to You.

May I ask what to serve you?"

"Why, good day Mister and hello to You, too.

I would like the usual cup of coffee, if I may,

and the morning paper please."  
"Sure oh sure, coffee and the Times.

The lady has good tastes. Any sugar, milk,

would You like, may I question thee?"

"No sugar, thank you, but milk sounds good.

Are the topics here familiar to You?"

"A little bit of milk to make coffee lighter brown.

The topics of the paper I'd gladly discuss with You."

"Looking at the date today, it seems it's Christmas soon."

"By all means You are right, December's climax draws near."

And so they go on and on, repeating what they had said and done three times already, and Allen can't do anything from where he is, stuck to the door of the so-called café by nothing less than sharp candles. He understands now what this place does to its prisoners and he can already feel it in himself, too. This is a puppet factory.

But when he came in it didn't seem like it was anything. Everything inside had been white: the air itself appeared white, and when he had taken five steps back he had gotten outside without any trouble. So he had thought Kanda was perhaps wrong, that maybe Innocence could not be contained inside after all, and he had checked it, going back in and out a few times and it was still easy. Then he had started further inside the whiteness and a hundred and twelve steps later he had found a white door and opened it and gone inside and…there he had met a girl that looked a lot like Road with white hair like his and she was older than the girl he Remembered and here he was now. It was obvious the candles were Road's; they even had the same stripes as those from the day in the past he had gone on a mission with Lenalee. They were just the same in many ways – he just couldn't get off no matter how he struggled.

Then the two had appeared: Lavi opened the door Allen was stuck to, put the lights on by lighting candles all around and setting a few small ones on the tables. He whistled as he went and changed to a dark brown vest, white shirt and black, straight trousers. He readied everything in a precise but carefree manner and then the door opened again and Lenalee came in, in a dark green dress that reached her ankles and a stylish, flowery hat and the conversation started from the greeting and continued on for half an hour. Then Lenalee gave Lavi a flower from her hat and left without noticing Allen on the door at all. Later Lavi left too and Allen was left hanging by the candles.

_This is SO like Road_, Allen thought bitterly. He had gotten into this without noticing and worst of all; during the second conversation when he had still tried to struggle he had noticed his Innocence wasn't there. He simply lacked his arm. If these two really were Lavi and Lenalee – which had to be true, since Allen had been there when Lavi's hair had burnt and it was short here, and his skin seemed to have traces of fighting on it, too – he suspected them to have once been hanging from candles, too.

Everything went dark, as it always did for a while before the same thing would happen again, and Allen felt like he was hanging in thin air.

"I know you're there, Road. Come on, show yourself. I really don't care about this games you play."

Of course, there was no answer, and then light came back and the café was there again, and in came Lavi. Allen sighed, exasperated. He obviously could not be seen or heard or sensed in any other way, so it was useless to try to get in contact with the man whisking around like the actual thing.

"You know, I really missed you two. Even Kanda was worried when we heard you had gone missing!" Allen said.

"The lady has good tastes. Any sugar, milk,

would You like, may I question thee?"

"No sugar, thank you, but milk sounds good."

"Oh, I wouldn't mind some coffee right now, either. You always liked to go for some, didn't you, Lenalee?"

"Are the topics here familiar to You?"

Allen heaved a long sigh. He was so close to his friends. Even though they were basically living like puppets in a theatre, he wanted to be part of the conversation, to be looked at and heard, to play a part in their lives.

_Such a selfish wish._

* * *

…

"No sugar, thank you, but milk sounds good.

Are the topics here familiar to You?"

"A little bit of milk to make coffee lighter brown.

The topics of the paper I'd gladly discuss with You."

"Looking at the date today, it seems it's Christmas soon."

"By all means You are right, December's climax draws near.

What is it you mean to give him, if I may inquire?"

"Oh, he is going to get a—"

"Hello, good day to the both of You.

The weather outside has turned to rain,

it is nice You keep it warm and cozy in here."

"Oh, welcome, welcome dear customer.

What may I serve You to ward of the cold?"

"A sugary coffee as per usual would do the trick, thank you.

I see You have the paper, any changes in recent debates

or news to be mentioned in there, dear lady?"

…

* * *

He had just settled down on the seat beside the lady, when his head was yanked back so harshly his whole body went along, and he fell to the floor backwards. Well, not to the floor it seemed, though he really felt nothing. Something that was hard to get off from was between him and the stone floor.

"Ah, how troublesome, I can't seem to get up.

If You could lend me hand I would appreciate it", he looked at the owner or the café who smiled and came, offering his hand but it suddenly snapped away, like it was hit with something. They stared at each other, certain something was off now. The lady looked at them with a question almost at her lips and then they heard it, all at the same; a whisper:

"You three are to stop playing her games now that she's not even here anymore. A ridiculous routine like that will never do any good beside keep you busy."

1st heartbeat: _What? Who?_

2nd heartbeat: _Whatever this is, make it go away!_

3rd heartbeat: _GO AWAY!_

4th heartbeat: _You should not be here, you're_

5th heartbeat: _in danger! RUN! Kanda…_

6th heartbeat: _Kanda? It can't be…_

7th heartbeat: _Are you really…?_ _How come you are not…?_

The café slowly disappeared and so do their old-times clothes. Lenalee fainted and Lavi held his head, looking like it hurt a lot. Allen…saw the one who whispered the words. He was held in the arms of a man with dark skin, long black hair and amber eyes. He looks familiar…

A Noah?

_So I mistook his voice?_

Then the whiteness turned to darkness.

* * *

In the tent, there was a fire, kept surrounded by non-burning materials like stone and steel. The fire wasn't as strong as it was an hour ago, as it was running out of pure wood to burn on, but it was still very hot and casted a living light to the insides of the tent. The fire was in the middle and above it was a hole, so smoke got out. There were all kinds of materials and objects around, including pots and pans, clothes, books, wooden handicrafts and seven beds that might've looked like useless piles of fabrics, animal skin and fur to someone too used to the comforts of the modern world. Indeed, in this tent, the most modern thing you saw was a box of Russian matches and a pile of photos on the only table.

In one of the beds, two people lay, only recently having turned back to a living color. They were like knitted together, arms and legs sprawled all over each other to keep the warmth. Yes, these two had had a near-death experience just a while ago; they had almost frozen to death as their consciousnesses were elsewhere, under a Dream by the Noah of Dreams. They were not quite aware of having been saved yet, but it wasn't that far now. Soon enough hunger and thirst would wake up these two young people and they would find their way to the makeshift stronghold a few hundred meters south from this tent.

Before that, everyone needs to understand what lead to this situation.

When Lavi went missing, at first he had no idea where to start looking. He had decided to find Allen and maybe Cross too, since it seemed to him like they should be together. After a lot of travelling and sneaking around rather unpleasant places, he had found them in the middle of a big fight against the akuma. There were certainly dozens of different level new akuma in the area in Italy. He got lucky: Cross and his disciple had just found an Innocence piece there – though that was also was also what attracted all the akuma – and it turned out to be his Innocence, Ozuchi Kozuchi. Once given the Innocence, he activated it by instinct and all his memories flooded into his mind, forcing him to cut apart his body and mind for the time being as he had to fight, too.

During and after the fight he learned pieces of the results of Cross and Allen's research, but because of his serious injuries, Cross denied him the full story. Unwillingly to stay in a foreign place, he simply took his Innocence and extended it to the very limits, thus returning to his home town on the other continent. Thinking it'd be better not to gather public attention he somehow made his way to the school, met Lenalee and was taken to the emergency ward. Unfortunately, by extending his Innocence so far when fatally injured, he had let go of it once on land, and it had returned to normal size, meaning that it had stayed where the extending had started, in Italy.

Later, when he had filled Lenalee in on what he had learned and found out about her Memories, the two decided to go look for his hammer, worried that the Noah and the akuma might well find it, especially now that it had returned to its hammer shape. Using an old Arc gate Allen and told Lavi about, they traveled to Rome and from there, to the wasteland area and picked up the Innocence after clearing the few akuma that had found about it. As it was now obvious to both of them that all this was actually happening (again), they decided to do some research of their own, following the trails of the akuma and Noah to learn more and also defeating the akuma they came across. Lavi stayed in contact with Komui in various ways, but once they got on a hot trail leading to Siberia, he simply found no time for it anymore. They had to fight numerous battles before finally confronting a Noah, Road Kamelot of all possible ones. Eventually she launched the Cell on them and they were caught in the "Dream"; first Lenalee who really dreamed of getting to live a normal, safe life with silly routines with all her friends, and then Lavi, who in the end fell to the same emotions as Allen weeks after them.

Now the Cell was no more and their bodies had been found in the freezing cold tent, a fire had been made and their clothes changed so the ice on the older ones wouldn't melt and freeze them again when fire went down. There was a note on the "door", saying: "We're waiting for you on the hill in south so once you get hungry, please come." signed by the two Finders and stamped with the seal of the Desert Institution.

* * *

/ A/N: Plot-wise, this chapter was extremely heavy, and at the same time, I think it ended too soon. O_O But it was growing on word count and became longer than usual even though I didn't get all I had planned in there. lol I also had to change the name of the chapter _3 TIMES_ because of this. x'D Lovely. Anyway, gotta say that after this chapter, if you actually read it with care, you should now have clues as to what this is turning out to be. I'm pretty boringly serious writing this fic, eh?

Ah, but if you want something that's not quite as serious, I wrote yullen oneshot as a Secret Valentine for person in DA and also posted it here, it's called **The True Smile**. *pepsodent-smile*

Okay, see you again in the next chapter! :D Click the review button to vent your frustrations to me directly. (I always answer them, anyway. xD ) /


	11. Voices

/ A/N: First: Sorry for not updating. I suddenly have a lot to do, since I'm going to Texas for five weeks this summer, leaving 26th and there's a play to rehearse and it's been so hot I can't think and… Second: I beg your forgiveness, for this late chapter is also SHORT! D: Only about 2000 words. I don't know why it was hard to finish those last pages, it just _was_… I promise to present you with something better next time, hopefully, before I leave! (If not, I'll see you in August.)

Enjoy the (first) chapter in Kanda's POV. :'D /

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**11. Voices **

"Lenalee… Lena, please wake up…" his voice trembled only slightly and even that could be dismissed as something caused by the hunger. He still continued trying to awaken the woman.

"Come on, Lenalee…your brother will be mad if you don't eat your breakfast!..." as a last resort, the New Usagi pretended it was just any morning, babbling on about birds and sunshine etc. Not so surprisingly, that worked.

Her awakening caused a small scene as she seemed a tad bit too embarrassed considering she was safely with her boyfriend. That made it obvious there had been some debate on the matter of sleeping together, especially since she actually apologized for something past.

_What a headache – get a move on already…_

"Uh…hey, um…where are we? Did... that really happen?" her voice betrayed her face, telling of worries.

"I think this is the tent where we met her. About if those things really happened…I'm not sure on the details myself, but I think the basics are true. We got ourselves trapped and then Allen came in, and we were saved. …I don't think that orb-thing is there anymore, either…"

"Allen…of all places, how come we met him _here_? And besides, how long exactly has it been since Road appeared? I'm hungry and weak all over…" she tried to get up but had to be caught by Lavi as she swayed worryingly. It had to be admitted, it was good those two had been left together, otherwise that fall might just as well have split her pretty head.

"I don't know, Lenalee…I don't know. But I think we should try to get ourselves dressed and look for something to eat…or at least drink."

Slowly and by helping each other, they managed to get these tasks underway. Lenalee was the first to notice the piece of paper sticking to the doorway, and she walked there while strapping the white, ripped piece of clothing on her shoulders to shield from the winter cold. She read the text and smiled, turning to Lavi with an almost triumphant look.

"They're still here, they are waiting for us!"

_Che, that should be enough already, seeing that they can't _not-find_ us._

As he returned from his mental rendezvous, the hushed sounds Moyashi made as he instructed the non-Russian Finder on cooking Russian food were carried to his ears. Frown deepening, Kanda pushed himself to not let it bother him so he could actually keep pretending he was asleep, but it turned out impossible. That cursed fool was just too noticeable, his gentle voice just too unreal.

Yes, Kanda _was_ bothered about how _fake_ Allen Walker was acting. That is, he was even _more_ of a fake than _usual_.

_That motherfucking idiot... Why haven't I killed him again?_

The cobalt eyes opened as he decided to stop the sleeping pretence and stretched instead. Lenalee and the carrot-head would be here soon and his stomach actually dared to feel _empty_. The one time he had actually messed up his routines and not eaten for quite some time having to do with Russian cuisine was rather frustrating. His mood went from the usual bad to way worse in a matter of seconds. Kanda really hated breaking his routines, even just slightly – it always led to these maddening situations where he had to break even more of his Rules.

He had already dressed himself up when the missing duo finally managed to stumble inside. Though the journey from the tent to this small, triangular stronghold (which in fact was one of the most updated and common systems using biotechnology the DI seemed to use) was merely a few hundred meters, they seemed worn out.

"Ah, it's Yuu-chan!" Usagi spilled right from the door. Kanda's veins popped and he went stiff the way a predator does just before jumping at their pray.

"Do _not_ fucking say my name _you piece of shit"_, he spat using every ounce of self-restraint. Glaring at the one-eyed young man, he sniffed the air, disgusted:

"And take a bath, you stink like a rotten carrot. Not that anyone would find that surprising."

The words had their needle effect on everyone _but_ the target, to his displeasure. That guy had nothing to do with him, it was bothersome that he had to work it a little to make the man fuck off.

_-Hmph, like you even know why you don't want to treat him special…-_

_I don't need any arguments on useless matters from anyone, including YOU._

_-How WEAK can you get?-_

"Shut the hell up…" he muttered, breathing out the words one by one, like flames of the very Hell he was cursing.

"Ah…" a voice sounded and his eyes flashed downward and met with a wavering silver orb and a doubtful deep red one. He glared at those eyes without a thought and then smacked the Moyashi away with a fist to his gut.

_Fuck, just how much more of a mess are you planning on making my brain? Even the moyashi is starting to see it you freak._

The familiar, broken voice didn't answer. It sent chills down Kanda's spine. Well, he was a mess anyway, even without some preaching doll inside his head.

He sat down and pulled a wooden comb out of his small bag and starting to comb his hair to make sure no one disturbed him anymore. True enough, Moyashi, who had probably had something to say to him before, just sat himself to his bed next to Kanda's. Everyone's beds were next to each other in this tiny space. Good thing they had bothered to make a separate bathing area, at least there would be no way for him to be faced with a naked Lavi. Kanda kept on combing his hair, only hearing the sound it made and his and Moyashi's breathing. Had the Finders gone out again?

Kanda had already stopped counting the days; it felt like he had always been on this ridiculous journey with the albino. He didn't enjoy admitting that the boy had proved himself capable of many things, including disappearing into thin air though he was obviously still sitting there. No, of course, this was not caused by the fact Kanda was getting _used_ to the moyashi, who would think of something like that? Moyashi was a Xion and a weird one to boot: he had proved it himself by telling Kanda all those stories of a past life.

For a second he saw the black clouds of behind his eyes and felt like throwing up. He should not have done what he had, he had been balancing on a single straw before a cliff and now he was falling in. Yet if he hadn't, the puppets would've just stayed put in their happy alternate universe. What a mess, one big bloody mess.

"Kanda…please." Moyashi's voice was calm for a change, he had been freaking out and worried all the time since he had come to.

"Hn?" Kanda had to use force to get that short sound out of his cold lips. He could feel _It_ creeping all over his body and the thought of _It _taking over had never felt so dirty.

The Moyashi sighed deep:

"I said, would you please finally tell me the truth. I know you probably think it's none of my business but honestly, I've told you many of my secrets…it'd go well with your morale too if you paid back with some secrets. …Please."

Kanda didn't need to look at the other to know he was restraining himself to a motionless and proper form like some gentleman. Maybe it was the headache he was rabidly developing, but Kanda decided to give in this time. Judging by the time from his phone, he could expect to be gone in some three hours anyway.

"…I'll answer all specified questions so long it's just us here."

"Nothing general?"

"Nothing general. Takes too long."

Moyashi actually had the nerve to smile through his fake face.

"Well then, don't mind if I cut to the chase. It was you who saved us from within the Orb, right?"

"…Yes."

"Why did you do it?"

"It's complicated."

The white-haired young man frowned slightly:

"… Hmm… then, how did you break the spell?"

"I was never inside it so it didn't affect me, obviously.

"Huh? But wasn't it a spell you automatically go in? When I came, it affected me like it was meant to even though I hadn't been there originally."

"It was."

"…It _was_ one you walk straight into? Then why us and not you…?"

"Because we're initially different. You were of the target kind, I wasn't."  
"What was the target kind?"  
"Xions of course, _boke_", Kanda slipped to Japanese again, not because he didn't know the word _blockhead_, but because the Japanese version fit the guy on the other bed a lot better. The guy in question quirked his eyebrow; as if smelling something fishy.

_Idiot, there's been nothing suspicious in this conversation so far._

Crossing his arms Kanda gave the moyashi a Glare, which made the other fall silent for a while. Then, unlike Kanda had thought after straight-forwardly staring him silent, Allen Walker went and asked the actual question, the one Kanda didn't want to answer:

"You are not a Xion, not her pray. So how did you get inside the Orb?"

"I did, and that's what matters."

"No. I mean, it does: you saved our lives, but _how_? Since you're not a Xion, we need to know _what_ you are…"

"We?" Kanda was getting angry on a deep level, though on the outside it seemed he was just ticked off by the conversation like usual. His short response seemingly put Moyashi off balance for a second, since his mask slipped off and showed the worry and nervousness which like a candle in the darkness.

_Candle? I really am going crazy._

_-I think it's proper to call Allen a candle in the darkness.-_

_I didn't want _your_ opinion._

"…Oh…well…of course Lavi and Lenalee deserve to know, too, but I… It's been just the two of us on this trip for many weeks now, Kanda, and it… I… I just feel like you take but don't give… And I don't mean it like we should be best friends or anything, there's no way that would happen, huh? But it's just that…whatever's important about me, I let you know, but you don't even begin to do the same…"

Kanda just frowned and let the quietness linger, made it grow to a type of anxiety.

_I still don't think you have to know anything, Bean Sprout._

_-But he needs to know. More than anyone else, this moyashi needs to know.-_

_I'm not telling him. Especially because I'm hearing voices that say I should._

_-You're weak.-_

_Lies._

_-Shall I show you just how weak?-_

_Ha, feel free to try._

He regretted it in a matter of minutes, being thrown into a level of self he had no recollection of.

"Nowadays you sure like to speak on your own behalf", the words came out in a calm manner before he even knew what was going on. It was like lightning, he knew, this was that inner voice, speaking with his tongue. Allen flinched, surprised by the words, no doubt.

"Speak on my own behalf…? Don't we all…?"

"Not A—en Wa—ker. It's fucking hard to get a single speck of selfishness from that name. You've turned out something interesting", Kanda kept talking, in that nostalgic, strongly accented English.

_-Nostalgic. Yes. It wouldn't hurt for you to let yourself in the rest of the facts.-_

_Stop doing this shit! You're ruining everything! _Kanda was mad.

_-Listen good: This is not what you're meant to be doing. I've watched this show long enough. Your lips won't even utter his _name_ right, you're running away from what's supposed to be…-_

_No, YOU listen: Destiny is _bullshit_._

And then he was in charge again and from Moyashi's expression he could figure his face just went from calm to rage in an instant.

"End of Q&A", Kanda growled, so mad it was hard to pronounce anything decent. Without waiting for answers, he stood up, already dialing a number as he stormed outside.

Just to top it all, _It_ awoke in a rather excruciatingly painful way, pulling his mind and body inside out, making him _wish_ to just _laugh_.

When the other end of the call picked up, his self was already distorted from Yu Kanda, it was a person with long black hair and rather dark skin.

"…You ripped out again, Promise? That's not good, you're right next to the enemy… I'm gonna be there in one hour and 11 minutes, so hang in there until then, okay?"

Leave it to Alma to take the Noah like the most natural thing in the world.

"I'd rather you hurry up. Staying contained like that for so long rather hurts", he just answered and closed the call. Eyes closed he listened to his thoughts running in the quiet, black universe inside his mind, and couldn't help sneering: no sign of any bothersome voices. Proof, that this was how he was meant to be.

* * *

/ A/N: ...Yeah, I think now you know what's up with our favourite Yuu-chan. Just a few...issues. I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself with the inner voice... ^^; It'll be gone eventually...err...or I hope so. The chapter had no dividers whatsoever! :O ...My mind is a mess, it's 2:25am. xD See you...and I'm not expecting ny reviews for lame chapters like this one... :( /


	12. 19th Birthday: His Gift to You

/ A/N: It's amazing how the simplest review can inspire me to write if it happens to come at the right time. :') I am still in Dallas, Texas, but here I go, posting another chapter I had only half-done before coming here. Baffling. Anyway, I realized I was doing exactly what I don't like everyone doing: not updating in the summer. xD

I'd say this chapter is LOADS better than the last. Seems to have some quantity…

Enjoy! :D/

* * *

**12. 19****th**** Birthday: His Gift to You**

Kanda had always been a bit…strange, you could say. But this…it was confusing Allen to no end. The change in his behavior, to something not like he had already gotten used to, then back to it… Kanda was acting strange for Kanda. Knowing it was Kanda Yu, the one he had known so well in the past, just this one flip on a coin had Allen worried.

"_Not A—en Wa—ker. It's fucking hard to get a single speck of selfishness from that name. You've turned out something interesting."_

A'en Wohker?

That definitely hadn't been Japanese, so it made no sense. Kanda never spoke nonsense.

_From the context, I'd say he was comparing me with somebody. Somebody…alike to me, since it was…_

_Wait._

_Not Aen Wohker._

_Cross had taught you to do these things, now do it. First, the phones: A, like in adapt, weight-like pause, then E, like in ether, followed by N, like in nigh, W…_

_Wait. It has my initials. …And it fits otherwise too, it wasn't W-o-h, it was the W-a, of Walker._

_Now wait, wait…_

_Why?_

_I can't be sure it was my name either. I mean, it was Kanda, he never—_

"Allen-kun~! Guess what I just heard from Lena-chan~?"

"Geez, Lavi, don't just pounce on me from nowhere", he snarled, then took it back with a light-speed apology. It wasn't like him to snarl at his friends, especially when it was Lavi, especially since that man was surely tired, hungry and had been missing for a long time.

"…You two are so tight today. I thought it'd be more like, 'it's great everyone's safe' and all…" the red-head cut in on the apology. So very like him. No patience.

_At least Lavi's himself. Kanda's acting weird and now I am, too._

"Anyway, let's put that aside for now. I don't wanna talk serious 'fore I get sum food!" Lavi claimed, having, without Allen's consent, sat himself comfortably on the bed. Lenalee walked through the small room and unlike Lavi, she was fully clad. She made the perfect decoy to make Lavi quiet for a moment again, helping Allen gather himself and lock away those thoughts he'd have to finish eventually. Lenalee gave him a knowing smile; she had probably sensed Allen needed that.

"You scumbag. No one wants to see too much of that scarred skin, go dress up before you say any more. Allen, I'm sorry, he's turning out even bigger a moron…"

"Its fine, Lenalee, I'm happy he has energy. Really, after what happened, I've been pretty tired. We looked for you for so long!" while he spoke, the young woman ushered the red-head to dress up, giving the man a pissed smile whenever he tried to turn on his heels.

"Looked for us? You, Kanda and those two people?"

"No, just me and Kanda. We only picked up those Finders recently, in Pevek. They knew something was going on here so we got them as backup."

"So these two people are Finders? Quite amazing, I knew they existed but I never met anyone. DI always ever showed their face to us as scientists. They didn't trust us, I suppose."

Lenalee started braiding her hair, her pretty hands smoothing her hair. Her hair was thicker than Kanda's, but it still had the same Eastern feeling as his. So straight it was amazing.

_When Kanda just moved to our school, I liked to watch these two. It felt like another universe, helped me live with my Memories. …Kanda, hey, just how long are you going to stay out without proper clothes?_

Like called by his thoughts, the man appeared, his movement fluid and image flawlessly composed, but his aura…Allen got this restless feeling. Like there was something…off.

_Just try not to think about it right now. You should be concentrating on Lenalee and Lavi._

"If you mean to feed us burnt food, I'll pass", the Japanese grunted, without having even glanced at the kitchen area. Allen jumped and quickly made his way to where the food was affectingly getting burnt. Both of the Finders were out and he had totally forgotten, what an awful welcome for the ones they had worked so hard to find. Kanda meanwhile just went to his bed next to Lenalee who had sat there since it was opposite Allen, nodded slightly at the young woman's greeting, and closed his eyes, going to his pretended-meditating-mode. Allen knew that mode very well. Kanda probably considered it trying-to-meditate, but if the man was really serious about it, why do it somewhere everybody else is?

_What a bothersome guy he is indeed_, Allen thought as he saved the food. It was only slightly burnt, not too much to make it inedible.

"ANYHOW, as I was _saying_ before you dears interrupted…" Lavi's voice was a little high-pitched again, he was truly energetic, "…we should use this day we have here to celebrate Allen's birthday! Though it's late, I think it's already past Christmas, BUT, we're all here, well and good, so why not?" the grin plastered on the red-head's face was as stunning as ever. Sometimes Allen wondered if Lavi had been born with that kind of face. It was just like him to announce a birthday party was to be held in the middle nowhere in Siberia, in a small, rather uncomfortable and _foodless_ biotech-stronghold. It was winter out there, too, nothing they could really do but huddle in here together to stay warm until the rescued two were strong enough to walk to the sea-side.

Before, it had always been just Allen, Lavi and Lenalee on his birthday parties, which of course were always held only after the Christmas Day – those were family holidays, after all. Lavi had been his friend for so long…in this life, they had already met way before Allen had begun to Remember, when they were both 11-year-olds. The Grayman family had consisted of an older brother beside Lavi's parents and himself, but the brother had died a few years after Allen met them and his parents had left the country for work in China. Nowadays, it was rare to hear Lavi ever even mention his family beside his Grandfather. Allen's case was even more complicated though, since he had been so young when the Walker twins had taken him in the DI that he really didn't even know the country he was born in. Anyway… birthdays…never meant anything that special after Mana had died.

"…Fuck, Usagi, you idiocy has even you friends gaping at you like the lunatic you are. Look at this hole we're in, who would even want to get festive in a place like this?" Kanda was the one to break the silence and this time, it was a bit hard to argue with him. Allen met Lenalee's eyes, she smiled at him a with a bit desperate feel. He decided to give in to Lavi's whim this time. The albino had the feeling they wouldn't be able to get together soon anyway, so why not "celebrate" now, indeed?

"Oh well, it's not like I want a fancy party. It's just another year passed from the day I was supposedly born."

"Supposedly?"

When he turned to Kanda – who had been the one to question the word he had accidentally slipped – the black opaque eyes had the smallest glint of blue in them. It was unreasonable, but he felt drawn to that and safe to speak his mind.

"…I cannot presume those who merely picked me up would have known my real birthday."

Those eyes were sharp and cold, it felt like Kanda wouldn't care anyway, but Allen wanted to speak.

_Even if he doesn't give anything back; keeps all his secrets secret from me, I still want him to know mine._

"I'm a double orphan. First were my real parents, I was left alone somehow. And then the ones that gave me this name: the first ones I remember from anywhere. After they were gone I ended up with Cross…nothing pretty about that."

"…Allen…do you not remember anything about your real parents?" Lenalee asked, seemingly worried even though she should know the white-haired youth was a pretty balanced person nonetheless.

"No, I really don't remember anything. I don't remember ever having a Mother."

"But…what about the ones that picked you up?"

Allen sighed. He had kept this thing from Lenalee, though Lavi already knew.

_Or does he, really? No, I don't think I told him just _who_ the Walker brothers were._

"It is time you learn this, I suppose", he mumbled absent-mindedly and when he then lifted his eyes to meet the others', one person at a time, his silvery eyes shone the same level of calm certainty they had in the past, "The ones who picked me up, as Lavi already knows, were Neah and Mana Walker – twins, scientists, genuine geniuses, but not many women in their lives. They made themselves famous by simply being ahead of their time…they founded a research institute at a young age."

"Wait… That couldn't be…the Desert Institution?" Allen grinned at the young woman, though she seemed simply shocked.

"You know about it, Lenalee?"  
"Yes, of course, brother has told me… Before it became known under the name Desert Institution, the research team worked under the name of Walker Acrobatics Research and Laboratories: it was a community of scientists from all over the world, connected via their own Internet portal system called…"

"…Graphica, right? You recognize it from the crazy speed, black basic color and from the fact it includes everything you need for browsing of any kind, but there's only a manual installment possibility and you need to have a legal copy of the program on a separate chip for it to work", Lavi came into the conversation, surprising Allen, actually. Only members of the DI were supposed to know even that much. Lavi smiled his more mysterious smile and gave a piece of explanation:

"Panda just happened to have a copy. He never let me see it, though, but I spied on him sometimes."

"Well, I was taken in by the very two people who started the DI. They both worked in all the branches, but they never took full credit of almost anything. When I became their "family member" I automatically got involved with all kinds of things – yet they never really made me a member. Only after the catastrophe in the new laboratory that killed Neah and Mana, after Cross took me in, I got membership and it became fulltime membership now that I have returned to their reach. I was sent after you two by the DI, your brother, to be specific", he gave a steady gaze to Lenalee. The woman blinked:

"Brother gave you an order?"

"Well, yes. It wasn't direct and I'm not certain as to how much he knows about me, even if he knows I'm in the DI, but he was the one to request my help. I know that he's got one pretty high position in the whole organization. So went together."

"What? You and that sour-puss samurai? Since when were YOU two such good friends?"  
"Never", Kanda's answer was so naturally quick it wasn't even worth thinking twice about. Lavi pouted.

"Um…he's got a high position? I…never learned what it is exactly he's got to do with the DI…except that he's the principal of our school, which is sponsored by the Institution…"

"…If he hasn't told you, I don't know if it's my place to say anything… Anyway, I digress. What is important is that we actually found you after wondering around so long, and what more, the liable threat to any Xion personnel was taken down. It's wonderful everyone's safe!" Allen smiled widely, realizing he had been talking about pretty serious things. He had just agreed to "have a birthday party now", so why on earth did he feel anxious to speak out everything he could, as fast as possible?

_Because…I know I could lose them so very easily… Yes… This is what I need to tell them…_

"Hey, the food is ready, right? So how about we talk over eating?" Lavi suggested and Lenalee and Allen were eager to agree. Though it's not like Kanda seemed unwilling to have some food, either – rare as it was, he seemed to have gotten hungry at last. So they helped themselves to some of the wannabe-Russian-style food that did _not_ become burned. A more comfortable silence fell to the stronghold.

Then…

"I…have something important to talk about with you guys. It's serious and it's very important to me, so…"

"Go on", Lenalee smiled gently as she replied. Allen put down his utensils (his plate was almost empty after the seconds) and crossed his hands in front of him on the table. Closing his eyes he considered how to start.

_Whether I like it or not, I'm following my instinct._

In the end, it just came out just like the words about his present past had.

"When I was 16, at the very time when I visited the school for the first time during the entrance exams for high school, it started. Flashes of things…things I thought I would've done better without. A clown's smiling face and gentle words, reassuring me I was needed and a good person. Sounds of guns and screams, people falling to ashes... Quilt and despair, losses of precious things. In short, I started remembering things that couldn't possible have happened to me. Things…from another person's memories."

"Your past life!" Lenalee's smile was so warm and she seemed relieved.

_No way…_

"You…have some Memories as well, Lenalee?" Allen asked carefully and the woman nodded eagerly:

"Yes, yes, I remember people. It's like a big puzzle, with all their faces and…everything about them. Allen, I've known since I was young, I already knew your face before I met you!"

"Really? Then you remember everyone…?"

"Yes, yes, even the ones I'm not so sure I want to…like Tyki and…"

"Enough", it was Kanda's voice, interrupting her, "…This is one big pile of bullshit."

"Kanda…you can't say that to her, you've already heard about it from me and I'd thought you saw her as a sane person at least…" Allen hurried.

"Well I was wrong."

"Kanda…!" Lenalee cried out, sensing the cruel coldness of the Japanese.

It became quiet after that, the icy Glare he was giving them was just perfect to ruin the little bit of good mood they had managed to accumulate. Allen frowned at the older male, frustrated at the sudden temper Kanda was showing. Certainly, he had never been nice and often his so-called samurai calmness had been gone the instant Allen came to the picture. But this was too much; it was as if he was _working_ to not let the good mood come. Where was his usual respect towards Lenalee?

_God I hate that man._

"Oh enough already, Yuu-chan, stop it_._ I've had enough. You have something on you that you are itching to let us know. Just say it now so it'll be over with, _ne_?" Lavi's voice sounded a bit cold suddenly. He was obviously getting angry, most likely for the same reason Allen was. Kanda's opaque eyes turned into such thin slits he probably couldn't even see details.

"_You will fucking stop saying my name you piece of shit, you hear me_?"

_I've never seen him go this mad at Lavi_, Allen manages to think before Hell breaks loose. As Lavi tries to somehow answer the ageless words, obviously sensing the danger as well, he suddenly sees a knife flying at him in a speed that to any normal-sighted person would be impossible to recognize. He pushes himself to the right, away from Lenalee and towards Allen, only barely missing the utensil-turned-weapon. Glancing at Kanda with his eye, he does something he knows he has to, and takes off his eye-patch.

Allen doesn't even have the time to take another breath before the fork also is launched towards the redhead and the young man ducks, using Allen's thigh for support. But the sword is already there; a black sword, not a katana but a big, unrecognizable one. Everything freezes except Kanda's hair which…is long, longer than it had been when they were at school, longer than Allen had seen it in the Past, and…

_That grey skin…those amber eyes…_

"Bookman is one that draws the lives of the people on the lifeless paper with ink. But you are no Bookman, no, this time, your lifeline is the same everyone else's – just ink", the words the person before them speaks come in flawless English, more American than British, more high-class Washington D.C. citizen style than that of a businessman. The words are placed before them one by one, like the kinds of venom they had to choose from. Allen was petrified, his heart was beating rapidly but his mind was churning like it could produce vomit. Kanda was a…

"Noah…" the feather light word from the lips of the woman they all had always cared for was the one they all should immediately react to, their Innocences more than anything. But the freezing moment just continued, continued… The huge sword, almost like three normal ones melted together by the handle, was two centimeters from Lavi's face.

"When…?" Allen broke the silence.

"Always", the Noah answered, without hesitating. The flash of memories in the white-haired Xion's head was of the two of them in the mines, the peculiar interest the Akuma has showed to Kanda and also how the man had helped him…carried him through the darkness and the snow… The long, silky hair of the one who saved them from within the Orb…

_Someone…save my heart…!_

_-Too late.-_

The dark-clad figure moved and the motion was smooth, familiar. The sword was pulled back, lifted on his right shoulder, as he backed away from the table. Lavi's face turned contemplating now that he was safe from the sword – even a Noah couldn't really do a surprise attack on him with both of his eyes open, so he used the chance to do some thinking. Of course, he also registered all the things the man before them did and said…which was also exactly what Allen's brain was focusing on without his will.

"I am told to properly introduce myself to the Exorcists. It's a pleasure to meet you three legendary ones, though only the reborn morphs. I am Adna, the Noah of Promise, known as the Double. I walk under special circumstances, so even though you have seen my disguise, you will not suffer today."

Suddenly, an immensely loud sound broke into the stronghold. The other Finder appeared, out of breath, shouting that a stealth plane was firing to him, and then stopping on his heels at the sight of Adna. The long-haired Noah didn't even turn to look at the man.

"It is time for us to part. Seeing as you hardly could handle the Orb for such a short while, I imagine we won't meet again…" as he was saying this, the Finder's skin started to crumble and he turned into ashes, as if attacked by an Akuma from the past times, "Please bare my thanks to Marian Cross for being such a fool, if you would. _Sayanora._"

Lenalee stopped Lavi with surprising strength considering her lingering condition from the Orb, so no one went after the man that walked over the ashes of the Finder with his long hair tied up in a high ponytail.

"Let him go. I don't know where he went and when, but that was definitely not Yu Kanda", she said, squeezing her boyfriend's hand like he was trying to jump to his death – which probably wasn't a very far option.

Then Allen got up, walked around the pile of ashes (these didn't disappear like the new Akumas' remains) and on to their hideout's door. Slowly he pushed it open and froze again at the sight. There was Kanda – Adna – walking up to this ultramodern-looking plane, a black one without any decorations…and there was Alma, standing at the big aircraft's door, skin as white as porcelain, dressed in the same type of black-and-white robe as Adna…surrounded by what was evidently the aura of an Akuma. The sight burned into his irises and his heart…was no longer there to support his world.

Allen felt like he'd never, ever, be able to think or feel again.

* * *

_Skin Boric, David and Jasdero, Road, Adna…_

Allen was standing still as people buzzed around him, taking measurements, talking their clothes-making gibberish.

_All five have appeared before me now. Does this mean I'm going to be involved in that family again?_

He activated his Innocence when asked so they could measure it, too.

_Is the 14__th__…no. No, Mana and Neah are dead._

_-As they were when everything happened last time…-_

_No, this time has got to be different!_

_-Why? History likes to repeat itself. Look at yourself, with the scar and the Innocence… Look at Yu…-_

Allen frowned and a shadow grew on his eyebrows.

_He is a freaking Noah! He wasn't in the Past, he is now; it is proof this time is different._

_-…But he is too dear to give up on, isn't he…?-_

_Bloody fuck…_

"…-ing hell, will you _ever_ shut up?"

The team of scientists that worked on the Xions' outfits, scattered, worried and scared of the new developments of the once so sweet young man.

Allen growled at himself, shook his shoulders, grabbed his checkered, red shirt and walked away with long, heavy strides. His Innocence deactivated after ten minutes, but that was not done by him. Oh yes, he was yet again carrying someone else inside him. This time, though, it seemed to be another him, another Allen Walker: the one who had been giving him all these memories all this time. The part of him that really Remembered, really knew, really had seen and felt the Past. What this was all about, neither parts of his self seemed to know, but it was clear it was happening…and it was clear that unlike at the beginning, when that Allen had felt empty to this Allen, it had actually turned out he was exactly the same.

_Aren't you angry? I made the same mistake again._

He knew the other was smiling distantly, his lips distorted a little when that happened. It had been the other to deactivate Crown Clown as well just now, he knew it.

_-Angry at you? Why would I be, when I did the same myself? If that is something that is done and doesn't just happen, that is. Just look at him…-_

The grey and red eyes spot the familiar poster on the wall and the rest of the body comes to a halt as well. It is a picture of Kanda, the school's official membership picture. His black eyes are staring straight into the onlooker, stabbing like knives, so sharp and clear yet cold. His hair was still long in September when the picture was taken as the transferred to their school, it was up in that high ponytail as usual. He wore a white shirt with his name, it was buttoned up properly but he had this non-proper feel about him. His shoulders were not aligned and his face wasn't quite straight either. It was like the photo was taken from below his eyelevel.

_Threatening_, Allen thought, feeling the smallest pinch of pain. His head started swimming with mixing pictures of Kanda from the past, of now, and Adna…he had to lean of the wall next to the poster warning DI members of this betrayal. If hadn't done so already so many times today and the whole week they had been back, he would've thrown up.

_-He was never that good with birthday presents…- _the Allen inside his head sighed and the present Allen cried out and cursed, again and again, smacking the wall with his bandaged hand until tears were falling on his cheeks from pain.

_God help me._

* * *

/ A/N: I sure love this pairing. _Seriously._

And: The edit of the first chapter will eventually come out. It's a pain in the ass to rewrite it (mainly because I still have to first read it again and again and it's _terrible_) but I feel like I ought to keep working. Thanks for reading! :3/_  
_


	13. Lonely

/ A/N: Hello again. 8D I'm back with another long chapter. More than 4000 words again. ;D School is so tiring. I hope I'll do well in English marticulations since biology is gonna _suck hard_.

Anyway, please enjoy! /

* * *

**13. Lonely**

Allen had become unable to do three things at the same time aside from staying alive.

Lavi observed his tries with keen eyes. He had voluntarily taken the post of Allen's partner even though it took him away from his specialty (information gathering and distribution) and his special someone (Lenalee Lee) because Lavi knew he would notice things about his best friend faster than others. It was a constant struggle, keeping up with the pace Allen's double-layered mind worked now. Why Allen's mind had split to two personalities and his and Lenalee's hadn't, was the least of his worries when the albino seemed to seriously try his best on burning himself out.

"Allen, ain't this enough already? You've been at it for hours on end, you need some serious _rest_!"

"No, not yet."  
"But your elbow is turning red; you're obviously straining your body too hard.

"Of course I have to work hard. A sword against an arm, it'll never work the way I am now."

"Sword against arm…"

_I see_, he thought, feeling pangs of worry cloud the realization, _He's planning to take Adna on heads first._

"Listen, Allen, it makes no sense. We have a lot of work as it is, if you wear yourself out by using every second of free time to train instead of giving yourself time to recuperate from all the akuma missions, you will _collapse_. …And then how do you plan on taking on a Noah?" he added the last question to his words without thinking beforehand, but it seemed to have the biggest effect on the young albino.

"-_I have to save Yu. No one else believes in him anymore but I, so it has to be me-._ Not even you, Lavi, even you don't believe in Kanda anymore," Allen's words came out in the same voice, yet Lavi could tell it had been the other Allen, Allen of the past, to talk first. They said the same thing though, this time both of the persons inside the same body thought the same. And it hurt, as it was the truth.

Allen was indeed the only one who put any faith on Yu Kanda anymore. No one ever even mentioned his name like the parasitic Xion did – he was Adna to everybody, including Lenalee and Lavi himself.

_But there are reasons for that, damn it, Allen, you make us feel so guilty for doing what has to be done!_

* * *

"He hurts every time we say Adna, just as we do every time he says…Yu or…Kanda", Lenalee said, glancing at the figure tied to his bed; Allen was on some really strong medication, forced to stay put for two days in a row after straining himself so much Crown Clown had appeared to go ballistic. The Innocence arm was pulsing under the many types of spells that kept it in its first level invocation. Lavi felt a pang of guilt and worry each time he saw that. Though their friend's face was motionless, the pulsing of the Innocence told of the boy's great efforts of breaking away.

"But it is not the same with him than us. He also hurts himself", the red-head stated, licking his lips as they felt dry. His emerald green eye closed, but the eerie amber one stayed fixed on Allen. His eye had started acting weird lately, ever since Tettsui took its second form in a sudden avalanche of higher level akuma. He had gotten some comments from people who knew or remembered the Past, about how he was now very similar to Allen in terms of Innocence power and cursed eyes.

_Ha, ha, very funny, can you make it stop now please? I'm gonna get sleep-deprived._

"Right you are. Yet, can we blame him? This is our second time on this planet…when you start to realize that, you just wish you could forget, or at least make it different from the last time. I am sure he sees what we do, too – this is no different from what we experienced last time, only now we know more from the get-go and are thus able to worry about the future…" her voice shattered at the thought.

"We will not allow _that_ to happen again, Lena", now he growled, low and sharp, making the woman shiver unconsciously. The strength was there, what the red-head so easily kept silent about and never took pride on, it was there in those words.

"Yes. This time, their hearts will receive what they need and carry on together", she whispered, smiling a heartfelt yet broken smile, as she knew it was a mission they should never take behind their friend's back.

It was because the two of them had already reached it once, the unity and peace of hearts.

Lavi and Lenalee sat there quietly, sharing a smile, knowing the other was thinking the same thing.

_I love you. You love me. Let them share this wisdom, too._

"When he gets up…he'll be flying to a mission sooner than he gets one", Lavi sighed, the moment they themselves only see each other gone.

"We can't stop him can we? His Innocence is so in synch with him, it's like his willpower alone is plenty to make it evolve…"

"Yes…and that is why only I am able to keep up with him at the moment. But there is something I've been thinking you could do to help and also train yourself."

"I'll do anything, you know it."

"…It's Cross. Marian Cross, disappeared from the vicinity in this time and age. Undoubtedly he is plenty for one man in this life again, but remembering we are living the early years of biotechnology, what he is up to could be _anything_. The DI needs him of course, but I believe we need him more – his disciple needs him more. Do you remember the letter Allen wrote according to his words and sent us? _Timcanpy_. That is a missing piece in the puzzle, isn't it, that golden golem? Has he already made a new Tim? Since 14th doesn't appear to be inside Allen this time, what is the meaning of making it? Why even utter the word if there wasn't one somewhere? Timcanpy was the link between the Master and Apprentice in the Past…and it carried the Musician's Notes."

"In other words, find Tim, find Cross, or the other way around, and the meaning behind his treatment of Allen in this life…if possible, as means to bring him to Allen."

"Sweet, you are reading me like an open book", Lavi sighed, feeling thoroughly content at this. Lenalee Lee smiled, sweetly as she was called, and gave her love a rather non-chaste kiss.

"Allen needs us…whatever he wants, we will try to help him achieve. Yet, I'm torn to have to stand straight without a rabbit in sight. It's like swimming through mud", she said, letting the man touch her in a fond, yearning way. Leaning on his shoulders, she stretched her neck and he kissed it, leaving a screaming love bite right above her collar. Lavi was aching to do more, but he knew he couldn't. Allen was there, in the same room, and the albino's selfless trust in a friend-turned-foe had him filled to the brim with guilt. He thought Lenalee felt the pang too, as she pulled herself away. They separated without a word, not knowing when they would be able to touch again.

* * *

"_INNOCENCE!_" Allen's other self shouted from the lips of the older him from the 21st Century, he was in a state of blind rage. An albino boy clad in gleaming, angry white, bursting his new gold and blue to his enemy: a tiny, bony girl with amber eyes and a row of crosses across her dark forehead. Road sure was just like she used to be – giggling, playing, like she was in a dream. The Dreams of Noah, indeed, she was able to take any form of attack and turn any battle so long your dream wasn't stronger than hers.

Lavi called forth his fiery snake with Tettsui. Somehow, the original name of the Innocence seemed to fit it a lot better on this level. His synchronization rate with the hammer was now 93 %, as Allen's had been 94 % before this battle started.

_It must be over a 100 per cent now. Sure looks the same it did back then._

He let himself get divided in two sections, one for fighting off the two level 3s and the occasional sharp object from Road's chandelier, the other for thinking deeper.

_What has caused these extra abilities to form for us?_ he wondered as his amber eye turned around in its socket, showing him what was important at the moment – Allen's body coated in the Innocence, Road's dreamlike figure, her outlines to be exact.

Lavi had talked about it with Allen at the boy's calm moments. It seemed his eye was very similar to the curse the albino had had in the Past, it just picked up some different things. Lavi didn't see souls, those of akuma nor human. It seemed to follow his instinct instead, reading what he needed to see to get knowledge of and show that. He hadn't yet found a way to make it lie – turn to look at something he wasn't wanting to. So resulting to the eye-patch again seemed imminent. In this life, he had worn it not because his eye was special like in the Past but because the color was strange and it had always caused him headaches. Now _covering_ it meant headache. Allen had told him his cursed eye used to pick up the akuma on its own and cause him tremendous pains if the target was something beyond saving, something he would have to destroy to make the world a better place. Lavi's eye was acting on its own as well now, and yes, it was causing pain – though minor to Allen's recollections.

"GROW, GROW!" he burst the words out as he was pressing against a level 3 that seemed to be very persistent. He had gashes all over his body and they surely would cause some bad blood loss if this kept going the way it was. Fire Seal jumped into his mind and he let it blend in with the Heaven Seal to form a more formidable attack. Usually he would wait longer before using these powerful mixtures, but now…he had this feeling all this was supposed to be nothing compared to what was to come.

Suddenly Road's endless giggling halted and Lavi practically panicked, concerned about what had happened down amongst the car wrecks of the junk yard.

_Allen couldn't have won, could he? No. But he couldn't have lost either…?_

Hastily he forged the Earth Seal atop the Heaven and Fire and made a huge, huge mess of the surrounding area _and_ blew the akuma to smithereens. Briefly he whistled, astonished. If this was how much he could do when he didn't think too hard, what would be the power lying behind letting go to his instincts?

_ALLEN._

And down he went, faster than his terminal velocity with the help of his endlessly growing and extending Little Hammer.

Then pure white blinded him and he was stopped by a clawed hand, Allen's mouth was a straight, tight line but the eyes behind the golden-rimmed mask said "watch out". So Lavi made his Innocence small to make a smaller target and glanced around to check the situation. Sure enough, in a matter or tenths of seconds, they got a rain of very, very sharp objects raining on them. The roof of the office they were standing on gave out but Allen's cloak stayed like a cloud, Lavi was able to stand on the soft fabric and the albino himself was carried by it. Allen gritted his teeth.

"I was about to get an answer, but she suddenly stopped moving and quit talking", the words were more humane than the double-minded Xion had given anybody for a long time.

"We wouldn't want to talk in private, now would we?" Road's voice was suddenly there, between them. Lavi swirled around and threw his hammer in a quick snap to hit her head, but a movement of the amber eyes was enough to break the attack.

"We just love our darling friends enough to wish them have what we do, too, don't we, Allen? It all comes down to caring about your friends, doesn't it?" her way of talking was dark but the playful way of setting the words was still there.

"Road no-!" but Allen was late with his realization, as Lavi already got engulfed by the darkness of the Noah. Or maybe this was just his darkness.

"_You again, 49__th__. Will you ever learn…"_ a voice came to him from the emptiness.

* * *

Unbeknownst to Lavi and Allen, Lenalee had done a lot better job tracking the former General than even she herself would have thought she could. She was in the same train with him, actually, though the cart was different. She knew that red-headed man was in the luxurious one, usually meant for high officials or the like. Where he had gotten the funds to do so, she had no idea. Even the normal ticket she had had cost a fortune. Well, that's war-zone secured rides for you, seriously costly but still very popular.

Who ever had been the airhead to start this sure made lots of money that was for sure. It was an invention of only two years old – a super bullet train that went through the world's most war-torn areas of Middle East. Why was it there? "We wish to offer the safest route through land for the people of peaceful parts of these countries and the peace bringing officials from the countries aiming to help reconcile the conflicts. Sectra (Safe Train) will take you where you wish to be, safe and sound, fast and in time, and stay as the number one safe place." said the advertising. Nice goals, nicely reached… and the whole reason behind a need for something like this _nicely_ ignored. 1010 US dollars per 3rd class ticket. As if someone from a country in a state of war would have money like that – not to mention US dollars.

_And _I'm _nicely digressing. It's been a hour and I haven't even tried. What's wrong with me…_ she thought to herself, slowly standing up from her seat beside a sleeping old woman, and slipping past her to the alley as carefully as she could, _Well, that much should be obvious. I'm here without brother's support or consent, on my own money since Link didn't give me a penny when he let me go, _and_ I'm worried about Lavi. He hasn't sent me a text for two days. He's not supposed to be concerned about money or timing._

Sighing, she made her way to the cramped bathroom and combed her hair in a prettier do and reapplied some blush and lipstick. If she were to get close to the infamous womanizer, she better become someone who looks like something he likes. Lifting her bangs up the focus shifted from her glistening hairpins to her oriental eyes. Oh, how loudly Komui would wail had he known how used his little sister was to manipulate.

Well, the luxury cart was…luxurious. Like, modern & romantic era mixed and some rather futuristic-looking TV-shows non-stop on the screens -luxurious. Like personal maids luxurious. This was probably why none of the woman-population even looked twice after affirming her gender. And in the middle of the whirlpool or beverages, women, chocolates, more beverages and even more women, was a man with long red hair messily curling up from the ends, half his face covered by a unique mask that Lenalee knew covered his burn scars from the destruction of the original DI. Cross Marian – dressed more like he had back in the Past, in black and gold and many belts fastened around different parts of the leathery, well-sitting clothes – was carelessly smoking and calling all the women around him by their names, flirting like there was no tomorrow. Lenalee suppressed a shiver. She hoped she could've had Lavi with her. Or maybe Allen would've been good, too.

_The both of them had better be safe_, she thought for the umpteenth time as she stepped closer to this lion's den.

For a few seconds, she reconsidered being herself. She could've done a more dramatic makeover on herself and become a very different looking Chinese woman, but doing that she'd also have to change her behavior and voice…it would have taken time to master a role her old teacher didn't know about. Oh yes, that would have been hard, considering it had been Cross and his ever changing women to teach her what she knew, the things that were new on her character compared to the one of the Past. Now that she knew he had helped her all the time courtesy to her brother, someone of a considerably high rank in Desert Institution, it felt like she had ignored so much…

Ridiculous as it may seem now, she really hadn't had an idea about the whole thing. She had thought Komui was a teacher in the school she had gone to from when she was 11, as well as Cross…she had really, really honestly never thought they knew each other from somewhere else. Lenalee knew now that Cross also Remembered and that Komui had at least vague knowledge of the Past times as well, but did her big brother really _know_? Had he _always_ Remembered? How long had Komui Lee been in the DI to be able to get the knowledge of Lavi and her having taken off to Siberia and _order_ a Xion after them? It was bothering her so much, her ignorance.

"Marian Cross, I presume", she finally stated, but didn't offer her hand like in a first-time greeting it sounded like. The man cocked an eyebrow, swore under his breath and then a smile pulled up the corners of his lips. The smile wasn't a flirty one. He looked a lot cleaner than he had when Lenalee last saw him, too.

"If it isn't little Lena", the low voice answered her and she knew from the way the women piled around to touch him that his muscles had shifted, as had his mood. Lenalee smiled inwardly. She was not able to read this man, but these women were. Useful, for once.

"Come to ask my service, milady?" came the next words and Lenalee shivered. Not only had Cross used her pet name, but also that "milady" thing that some people referred to her as. It was ridiculous to presume she had ever forgotten, but the Chinese Xion had to remind herself:

_This man is bright, he never messes up. Everything has reason and the reason is everything. Did you not learn this from your brother? Did Cross not live up to these words as well?_

"Unlike some, I do not find your company pleasurable enough to follow you into war-zone just to seek your presence. And it is not Lena, nor milady", she added the rest as an afterthought, uncertain of whether or not she should lighten her previous words or not.

It turned out to be the correct decision on her part, since the remnants of the smile on his face faded away at the laugh he gave out. With a gentle, shooing motion he made all the women leave, though it took quite the many minutes, and then lighted a pipe. Almost regretfully he pressed some button in a remote and the AC started running louder. She appreciated that.

"Which question are you seeking answers to?" Cross finally grumbled, managing to appear frustrated as much as distant. Lenalee didn't take the offered seat.

"Depends on what you know the answer to", she calmly answered, collecting herself.

"Is the bookworm being nice? You smell like young love", he said leaving no pause. She gritted her teeth, knowing better than to let him bounce her feelings around.

"You smell like a rotten old hag. Hang around her often? If you Remember, you better not try to hide it."

"I like the experienced. Though virgins like you are nice when they have their act together."

"So you do."

"…I didn't say that."

"No, but you didn't question me."

"Hmph. Alcohol consumption speaking."

"Marian Cross", she folded her arms and shifted her weight to rest on the left, a posture everyone connected to her knew to avoid. Cross obviously knew there was a lecture coming as well. Only Lenalee would do this to anybody regardless of age. Curse that Komui for being such a stupid sister complex, he was the one to blame for this habit of hers.

"Lies are rotten and you know I don't like such things. I may not know you as well as brother and Allen, but I do know your petty avoiding tactics. I will not…"

"I don't."

"What? I mean, _what_?"

"I don't Remember. I just know. They're two very different things."

"General Cross…" it slipped before she knew she was about say the title. He grinned and saluted with the pipe.

"Well, you obviously do. Just be careful about telling that to your brother. He so likes the idea of protecting you from the evil and so on."

"…How much do you know?"

"How much? Everything. I have met far more reborn people than you, girl, and most of them have memories or pieces of them in their subconscious at least. Actually, many have started remembering this past year, isn't it a nice coincidence?"

"If it's something that has to happen eventually, now's the best time…" she mumbled, then sat down on the couch next to (but as far as she could from) the red-headed man.

_Couch, in a train? For God's sake…_

"I see. You were a witness to Thunder Breakdown."

"How do you—"

"Lavi was a witness right? Saying 'I don't know, I couldn't see'. He protected you, didn't he? And you were the one that saw everything and slipped something out of that pretty mouth of yours which lead to him asking and you explaining."

"No. You're overanalyzing it."

"No?"

She blushed.

"I did slip something out of my mouth then but…he didn't question it at all. It was only after Allen's disappearance that he…" she was interrupted by a fit of laughter so loud she was sure it carried over to the ladies waiting behind the door through the AC. Even though she had the feeling this cart was _so_ luxurious it even had its own air conditioning system.

When Cross calmed down – and that happened in a comparably short time, considering the power of the fit – he leaned on his knees and stared off into distance. Then, finally, color of his voice turned serious.

"I know a lot more than any of you and that's why I really have no time to come over to help a weeping apprentice. But I will give you some details and directions, all right? When the train reaches the Indian Sea I will be off.

The way people Remember can be quite sufficiently categorized. It's directly related to one's innermost nature. Your type is the fastest one. You are deeply connected to all the people, connected from the very bottom of your heart and soul, so once you are reborn, your spirit will reject the new people before meeting many enough of the old ones to be reassured of them still existing. Very lucky your type seems to always have someone right there from the very start, a sibling or other close family."

"Brother…is that why I always felt he had saved me, even though he really hadn't in this life before I Remembered…?"

"Possibly. Now, me and Lavi, we are of the analytic type, the slowest one. He doesn't Remember anything himself, does he?" at Lenalee's agreeing nod he continued, "We don't even always trust our own senses or hearts, we need proof or the word of a very trustworthy person we know well to believe something is true. That's why the both of us have to always keep investigating. He's chosen to do it by staying where the action takes place like Bookman always does and I've chosen to stay away and ahead of it to make grounded guesses of what will happen and then alter it if possible.

The idiot apprentice is in criteria of his own, he's tightly connected to everyone as well as the actual happenings around him. Since he's the Breaker of Time, it's hard to tell what happens with him next. But I know he's been remembering the past for a few years now and that he should pretty much have it all by now. Maybe not all names but those will come when needed, too. I have this inkling it may be because of time: he's older than he was when he died last time", Cross concentrated on his pipe for a while, so Lenalee had to release the tightness of her abdomen into words to a silence:

"What about…Kanda?" it hurt to say the name. She had been so happy when he had returned in the Past and when she had seen him grow up like an almost normal kid in this time. Cross's lips twitched slightly, but she had no idea what that meant. Discomfort? Uncertainty? Or just surprise?

"He's Tiedoll's disciple, I don't know."

"I smell something rotten…" she noted, pissed but keeping it inside. She hadn't yet learnt anything she needed to.

"Well, he is. Go ask that Grandpa if you need to know, I just met him and told him what I told you just now. He's in Turkey, Alania."

"…Very well. Tell me about the Noah."

"Hm. The family doesn't seem to be complete at this time. I haven't seen the Earl but I have to suppose he's there."

"Names?"

"Urgh. …Road, Tyki or Sheryl, Boric, Lulubell, the Earl supposedly, and maybe two-three more."

She didn't even bother to ask what they were planning. It was obvious, even though they weren't bad guys any more than the DI was good.

"Why did you make it into a new Order?" she was hesitant to bring up the name Desert Institution which brought a grim smile on Cross's lips. He straightened and sat more comfortably.

"I was the only one who walked away, you know. Not even the boy was able to stand on his own two feet…after all the work they put into giving him strength and training him…" he shook his head, the raid hair, "To be honest, it was all for him. In a moment of delirious exhaustion I promised him I would have the labs revived and finding the ones behind the destruction."

"…So it _was_ the Noah, wasn't it?"

"So it would seem at the moment."  
"At the moment?" she was getting tired of this, she had the feeling she hadn't asked the right questions or maybe Cross was manipulating her.

"There have been other theories as well… But what you really need to know now is something completely different…how to get a good power boost before you fall behind…" his voice and face turned very old-looking when said this and when he continued, Lenalee felt her heart turn numb.

* * *

/ A/N: There we go. How did you like it? I wrecked my brain while writing this and I learned a lot of new things about where these guys are taking this fic of mine. *haha*

_HANDS UP EVERYONE WHO SQUEELED OUT- OR INWARDLY AT THE LATEST CHAPTER!_ I want to fangirl over it but I don't have anyone to really talk about it with... D:

I've been reading yuri. I mean, _yuri_, not just the usual shôjo-ai. What a turn-point. xD

Please keep inspiring me. Usually I don't update on my own. _ /


	14. Snowman and Instinct

/ A/N: First of all: SenpaiNoSasuke, your review got me pumped! xD You have disabled PMs and don't have stories I could review on so I have no other way than say this here, publicly. (…sorry about that.) The question you ask is _exactly_ the one I _want_ the readers to be asking at this point! (For those who don't wanna check the review themselves, the question is basically _What Is Kanda: a real Noah? a non-remembering Noah? something else? _and also:_ Are They Ever Gonna Be Together?_) I don't have many reviews so I generally have no clue if I'm reaching you readers or not. Everybody, applaud – this person really energized me!

So here comes the next chapter…more questions or some answers? See for yourself…

Enjoy! ^^/

* * *

**14. Snowman and Instinct**

"_You again, 49__th__. Will you ever learn…"_ a voice came to him from the emptiness. It was so familiar yet he didn't know it at all. 49th? He had heard of the Noah addressing each other by number, but why was _he_ being addressed in such a cold way? And more over, why was he suddenly in this very cliché-type darkness with nothing to look at but someone that appeared to him as a little kid. The kid was very close, less than half a meter away. When he reached out his hand he didn't reach that kid, that other, though, which made his logical brain twist in agony.

"_I-di-ot"_, the kid spelled out in an older man's voice, somehow so tired...ah, God, why was it so familiar?

_I could swear on my soul I've never seen… no wait, no oaths like that should be made when you have been reborn._

"_49__th__, will you ever change? Do you realize what you are holding in your hands, it's the whole world, again! You have indeed been reborn, congratulations, ONE question of the important ones answered. Yet here you are and you don't even know who you are talking to. Would you like me to do the stuff with the knife to you again?"_ Lavi could swear he heard a sigh and then the boy was gone and instead a black-and-white clad man was standing up ahead of him. He had red hair, it was so much wilder than Lavi's had been since he had been a child, a textured bandanna covered an eye and the emerald-green eye seemed to tell a completely different tale than the simple, quiet smile on his lips.

_You…you are me of the Past._

The Lavi smiled.

"_Whatever form I must take to teach you the much-needed lesson will do. I am you, but I am not you of the past…"_ a finger reached out to point at Lavi's chest, not touching, as though the other was still very far.

"_The you of the Past is a very tiresome part of 49__th__. You are not much better but there are things the other side of you is better off with than this you. Like that eye…"_

* * *

"ROAD!" Allen pushed at the girl with the urgency and strength of a human in distress: the most powerful thing yet to grace the planet Earth – or so had Allen Walker said back in 19th Century.

"SET HIM FREE! Let Lavi GO, right now!" his anger was almost taken over by his worry. He Remembered how the red-head had plunged into the darkness in this very Noah's hands back in the 19th Century.

_I can't…I can't let anyone else suffer alone like…_

Suddenly she was there, arms around Allen's neck, pushing her nose down to his skin through the white locks of hair and kissing his hairline; just her style, simply not what you expect and nothing you would like. He almost screamed, taking it back by pure force. Allen did _not_ like feeling such intimate touches, not…not when…

He broke down, a silent scream on his lips as he had to lift his hands to hold the white-haired head.

_God, IT HURTS. Kanda, what did I do wrong? Just WHAT did I do wrong? I tried to act like had back then but you didn't…_

"There there, Allen-kun, little darling, you are wasting your time here! Your misanthropist friend is not here after all…come on; let me take you to him…!" Road's words were clear as sky, gentle as the wind, her hold around Allen's neck painful for him no more.

…_if I think rationally…this time around my goal wasn't supposed to be saving everything._

This was something he had already come to think about a while back. Though Allen had stayed silent on the outside, inside, he had been talking. Talking with his other self as it seemed to try to find a way to fuse into this new version of himself, and thinking, yes, Allen had done a lot of thinking.

In a weird way, all these long, long weeks had felt like the time in the Past when he had been under strict surveillance of the Order. Staying right next to his friends yet still somehow so very far away from them, confused yet very aware of the truth he needed to deal with.

Road clung to Allen and the said young man ignored her while he thought about his options. Even though it kind of seemed first like Road's proposal of taking him to Kanda had come out of nowhere, now that he thought about it, it hadn't. Allen had been letting out all kinds of small facts about his broken heart and the broken feelings it had spread around, like the hurt, sadness, loss, worry, repent and yearning, at the beginning of the fight with Road. When a friend wasn't there to overhear, when Lavi had been focused on those akuma, when his other self was busy figuring out his new powers…

"_Like I'll ever give up on him!"_

"_He keeps me strong…"_

"_Why did he leave me behind!"_

And Road had listened, carefully, then coached him to spill more.

_She was planning to request this of me from the start. This is why she suddenly came to fight us._

Then, something inside Allen clicked to its place.

"Road…"

"The Arcs don't work in this era but my doors do so… AGH!" some blood trickled down to her knee and her eyes popped round from the sudden, real pain. Allen pushed the handle down and the white sword pushed through the fake tissue of the fake body the Noah of Dreams was currently in. He hardly felt it as he sliced through the thigh bone and into the knee. He pulled the Innocence out and immediately a line of crosses appeared on the wound that stretched down the whole length of the skinny thigh. He didn't feel guilty or delighted at all by the screech it pulled out of the Noah, as he stepped away from her now twitching arms. It was clear the one he Remembered to be Road's real body in the past was it in this life, too.

He had sworn to be Yu's, forever. How come he had needed this girl to show her an easy way around before he had actually _understood_ what he had promised?

"I'm sorry, Road. Your way…or anybody else's…is not the one I'm supposed to follow. My way…is to keep walking on my own two feet. I will find him on my own", then the 19-year-old carrying his newly (re-)found sword-formed Innocence turned around, hastily making his way to Lavi's limb body, without a drop of worry over Road suddenly attacking again. The Noah wouldn't do that, she had not come here in order to hurt or get hurt too much. Allen smiled knowingly when her power flared and the sound of a door opening and closing came from the direction of the remains of the junk yard office.

_I am not here to save akuma or the mankind. But I will not just leave them be, either, _he thought as he deactivated Crown Clown at the sight of the emerald green eye opening. A sense of relief washed over him. He had not lost another precious person to the Noah.

* * *

This time, their return to Mygdi felt like coming back from a mission, coming back to a safe place, something he would offhandedly call home since it _was_ his place of accommodation without any fees and all. It had been forever since Allen Walker felt like that for _any_ place on Earth.

This time, Allen was _hungry_.

Howard Link the Branch Director himself came out of his office when he heard of this sudden…renewal of the Allen of the Past. Well, Allen himself was very aware and surprised about it, too, why had his infamous appetite returned out of nowhere? But because he had that old him still inside his head as well, it kind of felt natural and comfortable to eat more than five men's worth of delicacies.

_-It might be because you are becoming yourself,- _Allen of the Past mused while humming in delight. It was weird how that presence was sometimes so real and humane when most of the time it was just a distant whisper or a sense of something you know so well but have no words for.

_-You were actually considering finding a Noah to take you to their house for so long, I was worried you might actually do it…-_

_Like I would. And why should it matter to you?_

_-Well since I seem to exist alongside you, I am taken where you are.-_

…_Can't you stop that humming? It's eerie, I have no sense of melody so stop making me want to whistle along!_

It was _so_ weird to lighten the mood between parts of yourself. But it was undeniably amusing.

"Allen! Why, it appears you have skipped your lunch _and_ dinner a couple of times too many", a familiar voice chuckled from close by and Allen waved his free hand at Arystar Krory, unable to answer with two boiled eggs in his mouth. The man got the hint and took a seat at the same table, making a space for his own tray between a grape-salad and pile of chicken bones. A grin flickered on the vampire-like Xion's lips, exposing those exquisite teeth and only managing to double the vampire effect.

"No! ...Well, maybe I have…skipped a few but you know…sometime you're bound to realize food is what makes you strong and that you have to keep moving, you know?" the white-haired man finally answered, trying his best to grin but not doing a very good job. Even if he had regained some of his old self today thanks to Road, it didn't mean everything was back.

_I'm not going to be myself ever again if I don't get to see him. Without him, I'm so hollow. The smallest emotions show through right away and the stronger ones I am incapable of._

_-That just shows to prove you are just as in love with him as I am.-_

_God forbid, for we are the same after all_, he sighed after stating that, he was unwilling to really be the same. Wasn't this life a chance for him to do better? One where he might be able to be selfish and a bad person, without everyone's eyes on him as if he was their only hope?

"Are they being too nosy?" asked a whisper of a low, understanding voice. Allen almost smiled at Lavi who had seemingly been freed from under the psychologist's measuring eye. His friend sat down next to him and pushed the empty dishes back with considerably less respect than Krory had.

"It's fine. There is no reason for me to avoid contact, even if it gives me nothing", he answered, not exactly whispering but quietly nonetheless. Lavi frowned into his huge cup of coffee.

"You really took a big step forward because of her, didn't you…not that that surprises me", he said, mimicking Allen's low and steady-paced manner of speech. The white-haired man raised an eyebrow at the his red-headed companion – who, by the way, seemed to be so intent on growing his hair back he even went as far as to _use some chemical nutrients_ on it, as deducted from the smell – and cleaned the greasy mixture from his hands with a handkerchief before sipping his own drink.

"There is indeed no reason for you to be surprised, you had the same type of experience after all", Allen dropped the bombshell nonchalantly and Lavi only made it to wince a bit too late. The albino was telling Lavi not to be too obvious.

Both of them knew, though not to pinpoint accuracy as to _how_, what had happened. They had regained important parts of themselves: Allen his never-give-up –mentality and Lavi his Memories.

Yes.

Allen could sense it from the way the other man talked, from his manners, his aura. Finally he felt he could trust Lavi again, it was like a breath of fresh air to his dusty, broken heart. No longer did he need to worry over whether he was being his Past self and worrying the friend who only knew his 21st Century self, no longer did he have to beat around the bush figuring out whether or not Lavi knew this or that had happened once. While returning from Bombay with trains and an insider taxi, Lavi's discreet notion had given it away.

"_You say you managed to wound Road with Crown Clown?" Lavi's breath was uncomfortably close suddenly, as the other man read what Allen had written into his report over and over again. He pushed at the taller man until he gave in and sank back to his seat in the retro-colored train seat._

"_Then she has the same body. That sure is a relief."_

They engaged in some normal chitchat with their DI friends as they came and went, in and out of the table, some only having a drink and a croissant for lunch, others having whole meals in a hurry before their determined time to leave for a mission. The Mygdi village was well organized, nothing but human nervousness could cause the slightest ripple of uncertainty over what to do next. Link was working his division precisely as sharply as you'd expect, just maybe with a slightly more human tint to it considering his once so uptight attitude in the Past. Still, it was also thanks to this that the both of them were seeing the psychiatrist every day and they were given the computer-estimated time for recovery and nothing less; Annoying for two people with loved ones away.

_-The Order not pushing you, even considering your mental health…I'm envious…-_

_Hey, you are me, you know? Being envious of oneself is just…too stupid._

_-Yeah…I'm an idiot.-_

Somehow, Allen felt like the other him was smiling lovingly.

* * *

"Hey, do you remember the snowmen?" Lavi's question came so suddenly and was so farfetched Allen had to blink and even roll his shoulders before he could physically pull himself from the depths he had fallen with their argument. It was so painful still, talking about Kanda...because that's what it always led to, asking Allen why he was so down. Lavi telling him about how the DI had reserved quite some resources for finding Adna didn't help his blue mood either. The DI didn't see Kanda as anything more than the Black Order had taken Allen for in the past – if not even less, seeing as they knew what the man had given as an answer for when he'd become one: always.

"Allen?" Lavi's voice pulled him out and the stronger Xion sighed, before answering vaguely:

"You mean the one we build the day we met in the Past…? We talked about the Noah…"

"Well that one, too, but my question was in plural y' know."

"Hmm…there were more…?"

"Heck yea there was more than one snowman. The times we were recovering, in the old HQ, when we had snow and we felt like there was a statement to make we went out and build snowmen instead to vent the frustrations. At first it was just for random and coincidental matters, like if the old Panda were to force me to do everything like he did…but later it was more like talking things through kind of thing you know…when things kept getting heavier and heavier and especially after Edo when you sometimes felt so disconnected from everyone…"

"Except for Yu", Allen's voice came out on its own and for a while, he thought it was the past him talking and not him. Finding out it _had_ been the present him felt…lonely. Lavi frowned, obviously dissatisfied with Allen's sad demeanor. He wanted to make _point_ with this memory.

"Well anyway, I was just saying, do you remember the last snowman we built? We had gotten quite good at crafting snow at that point, so it was more like a statue…"

In the while the redhead gave his friend for remembrance, Allen got this flicker of light from within himself at the rather unclear memory, that soon sharpened as he understood his old self's emotional guidance through the jungle of cobwebbed happy memories.

_Lavi stood squeezing his soaked-through gloves and watched him work with the finishing touches. Allen knew his smile was the goofiest so far, especially considering they had ended up with something like this after both waking up from some really sickening nightmares. He padded the snow gently to make the surface even and carved just a little bit on the other side to make the curve perfect._

_He heard the applause and turned to bow with fluid motion, grinning widely and then licking his cold lips as to wake them up for speech._

"_You know I find this just as gross as it is compelling", he stated and got a laugh as a reaction. Lavi sauntered closer and peeked at the delicate work Allen had given to some details. He laughed again – giggled, if you ask Allen – before giving his own comment:_

"_Yea I dunno if I want it to be gone by mornin' when he goes out for his routines or not. Aw, don't give me the evil eye; seriously, just think what a nice reaction it would draw out?"_

_Allen rolled his eyes and turned to give the masterpiece a onceover. It was slightly bigger than human, but human in its features. Their snowman was crouching, lips parted and uniform and hair all messy. It was Kanda – well, of course, it was _meant_ to be Kanda, but was quite flawed – since they had been complaining about the Japanese while building it up. The thing was, this "Kanda" looked tired, old even, and the spruce needles made a cross on his forehead. The cross reminded both of them of the Noah, but neither were thinking of taking it off. It's not like it really was the stigmata… right? Besides, those two needles just so happened to help hold the frowning forehead together. Mûgen was just slightly out of its scabbard._

"_It's…disturbing."_

"_Yea. What should we call it?"_

"_Adnak?"_

_Lavi burst laughing at the simple acronym of the man's name, it just sounded so meaningless._

"_Er, well, what about The Harbinger of Innocence?"_

"_Too melodramatic", Allen reasoned, "Um…Mutanda?"_

_Lavi rolled in the ground again._

"_Haha, well it _is_ a mutant Kanda but that's like…like it was some species of its _own_—"_

"_Aa'ah, I don't know then!" the light-haired Exorcist flailed his arms in the air, giving up._

_Lavi beamed suddenly:_

"_What would Kanda name it?"_

"_Hmm…I suppose he'd hate it so…" Allen frowned, digging into his understanding of the older male, "No, Lavi, I don't think he'd even spend a second thinking about the name, he'd just destroy—"_

_A black sword in its scabbard flew in a spin and split the snowman in half._

"—_the whole thing… I thought so…" their work crumbled to ground in heavy pieces, the head cracking in half and the upper half staring with the one eye at the real version._

"_Yuu-chan what's with the killing intent! We spent hours on it you know…!"_

_The infamous Japanese Exorcist frowned even deeper when he noticed the cross while picking up Mûgen._

"_What the fuck is THAT?" he swore under his breath and kicked the whole forehead off, "Noah are scum."_

Allen turned in his armchair and sat with his legs dangling over the armrest. He kept biting his lips even after coming back from the memory, afraid to lose the sound of Kanda's voice from his ears. It didn't make him feel better but neither did it hurt him like not having that presence nearby did. A state of standing still, that was what he had been trying to do between growing his strength and his search. That is, before Road brought it closer to his past self, closer to…himself. Still, letting go of the memory was incredibly hard.

"…Remember his words, Allen? He…never liked that family. Well, he didn't really like _anybody_ but…you know, he wouldn't _want_ to be a Noah. Before Remembering…I thought he was a sort of inhumane bastard, kind of like someone who trusted no one and who no one could trust. Even when I saw he was ok with Lenalee, I mean, _everyone's _okay with Lena. …When I saw that form, I thought: 'Should've guessed there was a reason for him not to recognize us, even you, as comrades…or friends.'

But now that I remember him… how can he be so similar to what he used to be? Sure, I have a special eye and you have the arm and the scar, sure we have the same bodies and the same Innocences, but…he's similar in a different way. In the Past, he was someone else in a new body, a Second. So what if…there's something akin to that there now, too? What if…he's been _made_ into a Noah, instead of Exorcist?"

Lavi's low and thoughtful color of voice, his mannerisms that were now a mix of old and new, really hit the nerve right there. Allen almost jumped; he had to consciously restrain himself. Yes, Kanda had been a type of manmade human back then. Yes, Allen had been wondering what it was had made him so _afraid_ of the man when they still went to school, what had made Kanda feel so…different. More distant. More cruel. Another person, almost.

Cold fingers ran down Allen's spine like so, so many times in the Past Lavi had spoken like the Bookman Jr. he was, he knew by instinct, that Lavi was onto something that was utterly and completely true as it was eerie. And that's when it hit him:

_Black eyes, blue eyes, amber eyes, catching the moonlight._

_Long hair, short hair, dark skin, pale skin, shifting from to the other erratically._

_A shoreline and the neon of a city._

_And a whisper:_

"_The Promise…"_

_And another:_

"_Allen…" _

The Xion jumped up, this time unable to stop the movement, unable to calm the breath that seemed stuck to his throat, unable to shed the craving, the _need_ to be where he was wanted.

Allen Walker had been _Called._

* * *

_During Thunder Breakdown_, he thought when his feet reached the muddy ground again not too far from Hong Kong, _I Called for help. I Called for help and he answered. There is no way he wasn't already a Noah back then, so that means, he is not completely lost in the darkness of that ancient family._

_-You emphasize the word 'call'?-_ his old self was back, a gentle voice – or maybe more like a feeling, an instinctual understanding – was helping him gather what he had come to realize in that small period of time between Road kissing his neck and him getting the insurmountable feeling of knowing where he was needed.

_Yes, I call it 'Calling' because I have no better word for it. When I regained some of my consciousness after Skin Boric stabbed that dark matter through my hand, I knew I needed help. So I…reached out into the realm of the unknown and I found…I found a presence…then many more of them. Now I realize I probably found everyone, all of us who have been reborn. And I cried out my emotion of "Help me!"._

_-Yu answered…-_

_Yes…_

_-He…was probably the one you were unconsciously looking for. He was probably the first light you found.-_

_Yes…and he heard me, how else would someone like him have come to help at a scene of "an accident"? But…when he found me, he was rather…confused, surprised? So he didn't know he had been Called…_

Allen only got silence as his answer, which in itself was quite unsettling. Since when had he grown _attached_ to that other voice in his own mind? Those other thoughts and feelings that seemed to linger around the pieces of broken heart?

He felt something vibrate in his breast pocket and flipped it open, pulling out his new phone made by the DI scientists and styled white and blue to suit his character. He hardly even checked the name telling the sender of the message, he knew it was Lavi. The guy had been calling him and sending messages every half an hour or so since he had left so suddenly.

/ u should b thr now ANSWER plz!

:OO /

_I forgot what a headache his messages are with all those shortened words. He never grew past his teenage writing_, Allen thought, sighing, but he gave up and leaned against a light pole to type his answer.

/ Pretty much. Don't worry, I'm fine,

just hungry. What's the currency? I

remember the account and the PIN.

I'm going to use the exchange ATM

they have here. /

Allen didn't need to wait long for the answer. Even though he was still on the China side of the so called Fragrant Harbor, he got no weird glances from the people passing by. The wonder of Asia, one can walk around looking like a cosplayer and still get ignored.

/ HKD, Hong Kong Dollar :D r u

sure ur gonna b ok alone? /

/ I am sure. Not that I can stop

you from doing what you certainly

are over there, anyway. /

/ hahaHA! m gonna work

miracles so u btr not try! xDD

u work hard to moyashi-chan! /

Again, Allen sighed, but soon enough he was already tugging out his DI special passport and trying to flatten his ruffled hair. He had flown all the way here with Crown Clown, it had not by any means been comfortable OR fast. Stretching a very small rubber band he had found from the pocket of his trousers, he used it to bind his white hair back. It was getting so long it was almost scary. Even though he was finally starting to feel like he could one day be one with his Past self, whenever he looked in a mirror he saw an adult Allen with long hair and marks of bad eating habits he had sported these past...weeks? months?

_-You don't even know the date, how're you going to prove the guard you're sane?-_

Well, he'd have to be honest and hope it's enough.

Even during daytime, Hong Kong was quite breathtaking, almost futuristic even though many of the skyscrapers were from the 80's, 90's period, more than 20 years ago. Allen felt restless, waiting for his passport to be accepted. It was almost 24 hours since he had been Called. That's an eternity when you need help.

And Allen just _knew_, even though he had claimed otherwise to Lavi, that the one to Call got him had been Kanda Yu.

* * *

"Wow, it's finally finished! …Um, can we talk now?"

The old man laughed gently at the persistent girl.

"Certainly, though words like these should not be for the ears of young ones…"

"Even if I look like this now…I am not standing on this Earth as a newborn…" the serious words cut off the artist's warning alias affectionate babble. The changed look in the man's eyes as well as the change in the air around him to heavier had Lenalee nervous but this was what she had come here for and the reason why she had stayed even when Froi Tiedoll had made it seem like he completely didn't see or hear her.

She was _not_ going to stay behind and cry this time. This time, she was going to lend her help from the beginning to the end.

* * *

/ A/N: Hmm, what a filler-feel I get from here (...from ALL my chapters lately?)... Ugh. But hey, I had some fun writing this, Allen's mood had to change at some point or he'd never get anything done, right? I promise you all this playing around with their other selves will end soon. ;) And in the next chapter...hmm...maybe we'll see a Kanda? ;D That is, if I'll have someone to inspire me to work faster than normal again...

Did you notice I alredy posted the renewed version of chapter 1? It still sucks since I realized I can't change that much without giving too many hints to all that's happened this far. I'm trying to work on chap. 2.

And OHMIGAWD chapter 208...! Cheers to that and what ever else you can imagine to celebrate! Everyone was so pretty~ x3 Tell me what you thought of it! /


	15. Birds of a Feather

/ A/N: January 28th, 2009, I began to work on a fic I had gotten inspiration to from somewhere. It was the first time I really seriously wanted to write a proper fanfic. It was the first time I wrote anything but very random, usually rpg-style stuff related to . This, as you probably realize, is a summary of the birth of To Call and Be Called – this fic you are currently reading. :3

Originally, I meant to write something along the lines of high-school/super-hero –genre, as ashamed to admit it as I am. *blush* Then my plans changed…and changed… and they continue to change even now. This is why chapters 1-3 make almost no sense whatsoever, and why even 4-6 are bit iffy. I'm truly sorry. n_n; I think I've got it now. xDD

Why do I tell you this long story here where nobody wants to read long Notes anyway? _Because we have reached a milestone!_ In chapter 15, 'Called had become a file of 100 pages! :D Without Author's Notes, it's a 57 000 words and 107 pages long (not counting the renewed chapters) almost-4-years-old. :DD I hope you will continue reading and supporting me till the end – because I will NOT leave this one unfinished.

Now, off to what you really are interested in, the chapter (which is also like 8000 words without the A/Ns! :O):

Enjoy! /

* * *

** 15. Birds of a Feather**

The hot instant coffee was the last thing he ordered from the comparably scrappy looking street vendor. The small crowd that had gathered to gaze at the amazing show the young and rather good-looking albino had put on by conquering _three_ max size portions of deep-fried dishes started separating now that there was nothing more to see. The dark-blue, black and white –dressed young man had even handled payment with a completely normal looking bill. But still, they would not even try to stop themselves from telling their family the minute they arrived home, that's just how much of a peculiar incident this had been.

Allen sipped at his coffee as he rose and started off on the straight asphalt streets, towards the bigger streets not that far away. It had been a long time since he last was in a western style big city and the darkness of the night was confusingly bright with all the lights and neon signs. He glanced up with a start when one of the skyscrapers started flashing blue and green in wave-like patterns. He blinked, frowned and smiled simultaneously. Allen didn't know if he liked that or not. After all, everything like that took just as much energy as it looked and compared to the newest inventions within DI, even the most advanced LED technology of this new year of 2019 was just helplessly outdated. He pulled out his innocent-looking phone and opened the map application with street view to the background as he scanned the area for Innocence activity and composed a message to Lavi. The red-head had already mastered the DI computers, which honestly just confused Allen with the amount of programs and applications _they_ could handle at the same time without slowing down the slightest.

/ Any news so far? There is one

other Xion and a raw Innocence

somewhere close…S3452 B.

What about THEM? Any

activity? /

He zoomed in and scanned closer to the new Innocence, purely out of curiosity. The black map of the scanner grew bigger than the street view on the normal one and pointed towards a very new and not as tall building about five blocks away. Allen fumbled through his pockets until he found the wireless handsfree Lavi had shoved to him right when he had activated Crown Clown for departure. He took out the sticker-type black capsule and stuck it to his earlobe. Instantly as it recognized his body temperature it grew out a small black wing that was left hanging like the thing was an earring. The Xion smiled inwardly: it reminded him of the golden one he had had back in the Past. He was taken by surprise when it sounded a gentle chime even faster than his phone showed Lavi's name as an incoming call.

"Yes?"

"_Stop on your tracks right now, Allen, and listen carefully!_" Lavi's voice came through eerily calm compared to the grave tone. Allen did as his friend told him, instantly growing more wary. Lavi never called without a warning even if he liked to send texts like that, and never started a call without greetings if it wasn't an emergency.

"_Open the Cobwebs and close all other apps. Put 'Timeout' on search, I named the thing for you…"_

Allen did as he was told and was soon very confused by what he was seeing. His self of the Past appeared to practically go into a state of panic, _he_ obviously recognized all that.

"It's giving me power signals and analysis and showing a mess of black, dark blue, violet and… Lavi, WHAT am I seeing? Those numbers are going through the roof!"

"_Shush, don't shout, you're in one of the most populated spots on Earth! That globe with violet tendrils flashing inside is caused by Innocence. It's Timeout…_"

"Wait a second… you named it that because it _is_ Timeout…?"

"_Well, we think so. But as you see, it's a total mess inside that building even if it looks normal and peaceful on the outside, so we can't be sure. Allen. I think there is a Noah in there, seeing as that dark color doesn't seem solid. And that blue light…_"

"I'm going in."

"_No, listen to me, Allen! You must not go—!_"

/ _BEEP… _/

He was already running.

* * *

"Break, break, BREAK, BREAK BREAK! Fucking Exorcist, BREAK already!"

"Kekeke, yeah, BREAK, break break!"

"Are you sure you can hold?"

"I…I'm s-sure… How…how is he?" the woman stammered in accented Mandarin, sweat dropping from her brow. It glistened in the lightshow this had turned into.

"Still plagued by whatever it is inside his mind…"

"His Innocence is still working. So there is still no reason to worry", a young man stated as his knees creaked under the weight of the ceiling.

"Young master…I don't know if we can do this long enough…" Noise Marie sighed at the black-haired youth, whose fingers came out of Miranda's Timeout (which she hadn't yet Remembered before just now) and its protective shield. The stark white skin on those hands was cracking a bit.

"I trust him over any likelihood you can count, Marie", the young master answered, not letting the constant strain sound from his voice. After all, to his body, this was not supposed to be even half as hard as keeping up the Timeout on Miranda's Innocence. Marie turned his eyes to the man lying curled up in the middle of the protective shield; his skin had stopped turning back and forth between light and dark. But he was still very restless and his hair was weirdly partially long and partially short all over.

"Turn to ASH!" David's angry scream resonated from the walls of the room with a broken ceiling. The Noah twins had no trouble leaping over and around the leftovers of the ceiling which were scattered around on the floor except right above their targets, all the while beating the shield shining a cold violet with endless bullets.

"We just want our half-little-brother, hee, stop resisting!" Jasdero's words were just a bit unnerving. Usually he made a lot less sense than his dark-haired twin, but now he seemed to be the more sensible one compared to the raging David.

"…You just might be right, though…" Alma mumbled under his breath as his knees cracked again under the enormous weight he was keeping from falling on them and straining Miranda even more.

He had been soothed, after sensing his best friend's sudden change of mood, his sudden…spark of hope. He had been calmed…you know, it was only natural, that something like that would mean there was some _help_ coming, right? That his worrying over _Them_ never finding each other again had all been in vain, that Yu had always had the connection… Ah, but this situation was doing a good job of ruining this hopeful calmness Alma had regained at the – let's admit it – uncharacteristic, helpless change in that shredded friend of his. Had it just been one of those mood swings caused by both being a Noah and carrying and controlling an Innocence? Those had been very rare after Yu had suddenly disappeared to "get an education" somewhere on the New Continent of Blessing. Actually, it seemed Alma's instinct had been correct – the only way for Yu to find peace again was to—

Alma gasped, from his position in a more upward stance he could see further through the messy state of their 7th floor apartment, and what he saw was at the same time surprising and what he had expected. It was the boy – _man_ – that he had come to know a little himself in Mygdi, that pure white-haired Xion, who had become Yu's punching bag the _second_ his friend laid his eyes on the albino-like human. A lopsided grin blew itself on Alma's white lips as he briefly locked eyes with those of Allen. Alma blinked at how the other silvery eye had turned red briefly the instant Allen saw the situation, and how the overgrown hair managed to surround that face like a halo for a saint.

_I think…I finally understand what you meant when you said he's everybody's special someone. Look at that. Just look at that aura, that beauty, that…gentleness and try not be swept along_, he thought, almost shouting out Allen's name as he sensed the Noah turning their tables and lunging towards the obvious new opponent. His heart skipped a beat as he saw Crown Clown's fluffy cloak surround the Xion and a white and golden mask dropping on his eyes.

_He's gotten back his best Invocation – he's stronger than David and Jasdero this time!_

Allen didn't seem to think so, though, as he dashed around the crumbled apartment, forced to his maximum speed in the small space to avoid the bullets raining on him from two directions at once. He had remember his last meeting with these two since he didn't seem surprised when they continuously reminded him of it, sniggering and trying to wear out his decisiveness. Allen probably also knew from the Past that they were actually one Noah, able to fuse into someone a lot stronger and a lot less humane. They had basically been strong enough to kill Krory in that form. The Xion would have to somehow defeat them or make them run away before the twins actually did that…

"Young master, we are running out of time… Miranda's not hearing me anymore… look at her! She won't be able to hold!" Marie's worrying tone pierced through Alma's concentration on the new fight ensuing right around them. He grumbled deep from his throat and deemed the situation as exactly what Marie had described it as: Miranda was becoming weaker by the second, which meant the shield would break any heartbeat now. The shield breaking was something they couldn't afford, not with the Noah twins still rampaging in the apartment and with Yu still in the recesses of his mind…

_Yu!_

"Marie, you gotta wake Yu up! Mûgen's insects are still there to shred anything that touches the sphere, it means he's not completely unconscious…we need him to stand!"

"But…he's been in a very odd state of mind and…how could I possibly wake him up now when I couldn't do it earlier, either?" Marie frowned, he seemed conflicted. Even though Marie for the first time in a rather long time doubted Yu Kanda's ability to always stand up and walk away from the traumas he was continuously burdened with, the gentle man soon did as he had been told, before Alma had time to rephrase his wish as an order. Since the gentle approach didn't seem get even the slightest answer from the oriental-faced man, his big hands now grabbed Yu's shoulders and Marie shook the limb body; adding force when there was no response and calling the name everybody but Alma seemed to _always_ call the man when he was in his human form.

The half-Chinese-half-German Noise Marie had served Alma's fake family and remained loyal to him even after the two high officials had been discovered to be dead since long ago and mare Akuma serving the Noah family. He had such a strong sense of justice, yet he had chosen to follow the path "his young master" was walking and building.

Suddenly, there was some extra weight on Alma's shoulders as Allen landed heavily on the piece of ceiling he was trying stop from falling on the Timeout shield. Alma couldn't have seen him had he been in his human form, but with the extreme senses granted to him by this body, he could peer at the figure crouching right above him. Allen was clad in a renewed version of his black and blue Xion uniform and pushing back the white locks that seemed to get into his eyes; he wasn't wearing the mask at the moment. This was the man Yu Kanda of the Past had risked everything to stay together with – including not only himself, but the whole world.

Alma had to breath deep to pull himself from the daze he was in, of the whirlpool of thoughts.

"Hey, could you maybe do something about this rubble now that you're standing there, Allen? Miranda's beyond able to let any more of my body through so I can't do a thing…" he shouted up as Allen's Clown Belt slashed at the flurry of bullets, leaking out some blue power from the tips. Whatever that was, it had not been a part of Crown Clown or Allen in the Past for sure, but Alma gave himself no time to think too deeply. The scarred and somehow strangely skinny-looking face turned to stare to Alma below the rubble, and then the Xion pulled the mask back down, jumped up and slashed with one of his Belts, only missing Alma's white hands by an inch. Then he was gone from above them, engaging in hand-to-hand combat with Jasdero somewhere very close to the windows.

Retracting his hands inside as the now apple-sized pieces of the ceiling fell all around, disappearing and appearing somewhere else when they had touched Timeout, Alma sighed in relief. He was immediately reduced to his human form, the white, cold skin turning to a much more natural tone and the star disappearing from his forehead. One his memories of this life suddenly came back to him as he watched Marie try to wake up his friend.

"_Young master? And Kanda? What brings you here at this hour?" Marie was wearing a light blue cloth over his shoulders and his roadside-brown hair was a bit wet. Alma couldn't help bursting into a laughter when he realized that even though they had appeared in the middle of the night, the guy had actually been getting a haircut!_

"_High time you do something about that troll-hair! Eh, Yu?" he laughed as Marie let them in his humble residence behind a flower shop. But he got no answer from his dark companion, Yu – no, this was _still _Adna – didn't so much as cock his eyebrow. Yes, Alma really had worried for a reason. Something had rocked his friend's inner balance._

_Well, there was no question WHO that had been. Flying with the supersonic speed aircraft of theirs it had not really taken them more than about two-three hours to get to Hong Kong from Ayon Island, which seemed to be of Alma's disadvantage for once. He had seen no holes in the burning black aura of the Noah the time they were airborne and he sure knew better than to try to talk any sense to Adna. Yu was one thing but this other personality he had grown from all the pain and for need was completely and utterly out of control when surfaced. If it really even _was_ a personality and not something completely different… or Yu's new nature…_

_They caught up with each other fluently as Miranda carefully and slowly made a lot better looking cut out of her supporter's hair while they talked. Well. It was just Alma and Marie doing the talking again: Miranda didn't dare interrupt and Yu was just being his Adna self, a very, very remote, dark and bitter character. Since Alma had left Marie to nurse Miranda's broken self into health some seven months ago, both of them had changed noticeably. Actually, the messed up existence that was Alma Karma of the 21__st__ Century found himself entertained at the sweetest taste of possible romance._

_Allen had looked like a wreck, standing there, at the door to the DI's handy little portable stronghold. That had been a moment in Alma's life when he had doubted their chosen way and found it very hard to follow Adna inside the plane._

_This was, of course, because he _knew_. He knew about the memories those two shared, even if he hadn't been there. Allen's face at that moment proved him that their plans were going smoothly – nobody had made the right connections yet. Letting people know Yu was a Noah was something they could afford, or actually something that had had to happen eventually. But even if Alma knew, what was the point when _Allen_ didn't…?_

He brushed the memory away; it was not much use to him to keep "falling asleep" like this already. He was in a very dangerous position himself, with his body being the way it was and his existence such a mess of bits and pieces of two people. The useless flashbacks taking him over so easily and often, was a certain warning of what was to come. Yu had them too… Yet he was decisive in keeping his stance, holding his place beside his friend for as long as he was needed there.

_Even if Allen never comes to realize what is driving us, what we are trying to achieve, how important he is to us…even if he'll never do what I wish he would, I will at least stay by Yu's side. I will help him. We started this together and we have sworn to keep walking down this path._

His soft brown eyes flashed and his body tensed as Miranda's Timeout fell without a warning. His left side pulsed and started bleeding, as did his right arm. Marie didn't even flinch at the now returned broken knuckles, but his hands turned into fists and dropped Yu on a reflex. Well, that was understandable, Miranda had fallen to the floor with a hollow thud and the younger man was still not responding. The woman had Invoked her Innocence this specific way for the first time in this life, and even though it had been crafted into an easy-to-handle disk form already, she was lacking all those very much needed training hours. She was only used to taking others' injuries and returning objects with Reverse.

Alma swore as he took the sheathed sword from the floor at his feet and whisked it to the side to unsheathe it quickly from the fabrics that had spell papers all over them. It was a Chinese sword, made specifically for him; it had a wing-shaped protector at the hilt as a reminder of his Past Innocence. It was a very special sword. Yu had made it; with his own hands the dark-eyed man – only a 13-year-old at that time – had forged secret arts into it, not very unlike the ways of the Chan family in the Black Order times. He had made it into a thing that he himself had to fear, calling it the slayer of darkness, the Devil's Chalice. Because Yu had poured his blood into it while in Noah form it was able to wound any of the Clan, maybe even kill them, who knows? He had heavily warned Alma of ever invoking it, it just might act the way his wing-like Innocence had when Laboratory 6 was destroyed in the Past.

"_It is possible that, while attaining a soul from its connection to you, it's Master, it will take on the one of your Innocence from your memories and from the fact that Innocence always suits its holder: it wants to suit you. Because the last memory of your Innocence is that hatred and agony, who knows what will happen once you wake the soul in it. But it will definitely wound the Noah if you can just reach them…"_

…was what Zu had told him when he had shown the item to the old man. He had also said that he was amazed _Kanda_ of all people had acquired the ability to make such a thing.

"Yu… you know, I know you are a nice person, trying to protect me from what happened last time", Alma spoke, gazing at his friend while preparing for the worst. Allen would soon suffer, now that the twins had merged and become Jasdevi. Miranda was unconscious. Marie hadn't found his Innocence in this lifetime; the big man was practically just a very well behaved informant of sorts. Yu himself was still not moving. The only one able to go help Allen out was Alma…even if it would mean something even Yu Kanda had reason to fear.

"I'm going now. Allen's really important, right? Enough to do everything for… I'm gonna go help him. You work out whatever it is messing up your mind, all right?" and then he called out the invocation of his (and her) Innocence and the blade that was not Innocence…reacted.

* * *

_Mûgen went through him like he wasn't there but it hurt like it was physical. This was messed up, way too messed up. He clenched at the air and there appeared a branch of a giant lotus to give him support. This was obviously something that only existed within the deep recesses of his mind, otherwise…_

"_What's the fucking point of this charade?" he grumbled, coughing because it was instinct – usually one would be coughing something up after being stabbed to their stomach with a katana._

"_Che. You claim to be the true me? Quite unlikely", answered a voice – it sounded bizarre but at he knew whose it was. It was _his_. Kanda's own voice._

_Black eyes opened and the giant lotus field in the middle of darkness formed before them once again. Lotus, the damned flowers that had nothing to do with him – not in this lifetime – were proof that he was _losing_. The blue-eyed him was staring at him, wearing that cursed, sad frown, holding Mûgen. The sword was emitting gentle blue light, so very similar to those eyes but lighter. In the worn-out Exorcist uniform from after the War in the Past, the 19__th__ Century Kanda Yu, a projection of the modern one's mind, surely, stood there and waited for an answer. The 21__st__ Century Kanda Yu didn't bother answering. This was a disagreement they were unable to overcome, it seemed._

_Another "che" was aired and the third one glared at him with the amber eyes so strikingly light in the dark-skinned face._

"_A personality split in three…like hell this can keep going forever. Figure it out already", the Noah Kanda spat out, pissed, which that calculative one rarely if ever was._

_This was the state Kanda was in. After the storms of Memories caused by going to the same school with Moyashi (and Lavi and Lenalee) had finally subsided, this mental battle had started. At first, it had only been Adna and him, but lately, especially after the time spent in Mygdi trying to teach the damn Sprout some weapons-handling, the third party had joined the fight over dominance. Because the whole clash formed as changes in this inner scenery, he was endlessly aware of who was winning, especially when meditating. The current Kanda's scenery was void of lotus; it was an opening in a dense forest of spruce, a rocky area with a natural spring and a lonely, white tree growing partially from the water. Adna's scenery was the opposite, a thick, dark forest in the middle of a swamp-like field, an island in a black sea. Kanda of the Past had his meadow of giant lotus in the middle of a forest that felt void and dead somehow._

_As stupid as it seemed, there seemed to be no sensible way out of this. They had talked, they had fought, they had done the most outrageous things to overthrow each other, to find out who was superior, who was _real_. It hadn't been solved via peaceful conversation or debate, nor through violent showdowns. Anyway, one was not even supposed to have a personality split in two, not to mention _three_ as his Noah self had elaborated. Dealing with things like this did not fit his schedule. As if there wasn't enough to deal with in trying to steer clear of the Noah plans, there was Cross Marian's puzzling work and the DI that didn't see shit of what was going on. At least in the Past the organization had really been in touch with the core of everything, be it via Vatican's power or something else. This time, the Order's follower, the Desert Institution, was only good for gathering Innocence and removing the aftermaths of Noah plans; the akuma shadows._

_Picking up what was Mûgen of the 19__th__ Century, he growled; out of anger, frustration, even confusion. This was no time for him to be stuck with these two that were supposed to be non-meddling parts of himself. Through the haze of his mediation, he had heard them well, his companions facing a threat that wasn't supposed to yet have gotten them, the Noah. He had been filled with the urge to get up and fight, for honestly, Alma shouldn't fight, Marie couldn't, and Miranda was undertrained at best. The twins had sounded like they didn't really know what was behind their group of four but they knew their mission was to get him, the Noah of Promise, back. Which had been when that namely Noah had woken up inside him once again, tearing off the shields he had armed himself with to keep Adna away for some time, and Kanda had, quite honestly, been desperate for the final ten seconds or so before he was completely knocked out of consciousness and once again thrown into this battlefield. There was absolutely no way for them to beat Jasdevi, he would have to hurry to get up and save their sorry asses._

_It was a matter of time only, yet Kanda was unable to make this any faster._

_The three Yu Kanda's launched at each other, knowing no other way to get close enough to merge – that was what they all wanted, to merge, and be the one to open their eyes…_

…

_And one of them left behind an inner world, that was not a meadow of lotus, but…_

He took in a deep breath, swear words at the ready on his lips, but there was simply no time for anything but instinct. Mûgen had stayed conveniently Invoked with First Illusion all the while and he took the sword and called back his Hell Insects. Kanda rolled up and moved with pure momentum, crashing into Jasdevi's skinny form and giving a round kick to push the Noah further from their victims.

Taking in the sight, unlike what he had expected at all, he was in between the dark aura of the Noah and a bleeding, unmoving Xion. His eyes almost flicked back to really check the moyashi's condition, but his trained body knew better.

_When did that idiot Bean even make it here? Did they notice Miranda's Innocence…?_

"The FUCK are you doing, ADNA!" Jasdevi was up sooner than Kanda wanted him to, but all earlier happenings in his fucked up mind counted, he considered himself to be the one with an upper hand at the moment. As long as he could surprise the Noah of Bonds…

"The fuck are _you_ doing with my property?" he snapped back, controlled but venomous. It was no surprise that Jasdevi actually went quiet at this; Adna had never been one to consider anything his own, well, maybe with the exception of Mûgen. Kanda grinned, his hair was long and stuck to his dark face, but his eyes were not amber. They were deep, nightly blue. The blue they had so earnestly chased away, the blue that was supposed to be _dead_. He had gotten quite much out of the inner battle this time – he had some surprises to spare at this point.

Mûgen flashed in his hand, it's rumbling, distant voice getting closer to his consciousness as it reacted, going over 100 % for the first time in this life. 21st Century Yu Kanda had never been quite…adapted enough to synchronize properly with the Innocence blade, the personality of Adna and the fact he was a Noah had made him incompatible. But now, it was returning to him, even with the stigmata on his forehead. Kanda chuckled quietly as the Noah of Bonds wrecked his brains to understand what was going on.

"Too slow…" he stated and simply ran the blade through the Noah's abdomen with a graceful, low posture. This was not enough to kill, but quite enough to force the self-conscious Jasdevi to run.

It flashed in those amber eyes – understanding. Jasdevi had _understood_ Kanda's intention, right before splitting into those two incarnations that his "perfect" body composed of. He had understood he was being toyed with, pushed aside like he had run out of usefulness. This dawning disappeared though as the twins, much more practical than their sum, knew better than to stay and test the theory. Just as they had come, both disappeared in a flurry of cloth and body, maybe through the door, maybe into thin air.

"Yu…wha—why…?" a trembling voice uttered from behind the jet-black-haired man and he flipped around, his hair turning short and uneven, his skin losing the stigmata and the dark color. His chest tightened unexpectedly, he lost a sharp breath of air before even realizing he had ever been holding it.

Allen Walker looked so beaten up. He had marks of fighting the Noah of Bonds in both forms: the holes and ugly marks of the Dark Matter Bullets those two fired were not quite as common as the deep gashes and obviously broken places the complete Jasdevi had left him with. It was like walking through Hell, seeing that body in such a shape, _again_, for the Memories were so very fresh in this new balance of mind Kanda had. Allen's face was partly swollen around a part that looked like something had torn the skin off, it was right next to that scar Kanda could no longer be sure if this morph of Allen had always had or not. There were not many places where his skin was the normal pale color anymore. And that human arm was not supposed to bend over that much from its wrist.

"…_Call me Yu."_

_Allen gasped. His eyes became filled with mirth so fast Kanda had to blink._

"_Are you serious?"_

"_When it's just the two of us I'm allowing it. You hear me? _Oi, Moyashi._"_

"_I…I heard you… I'm just so happy I could wither and die like actually was some puny _moyashi_."_

"_Don't talk shit. I was serious."_

"_Yeah… Yu…" Allen slowly tried out, with such care it came out almost fragile. His name had never sounded so…alive._

"_If I call you like that, you should call me by my name, too", the boy added. Kanda found himself unable to continue on this trail, so he returned to the natural bickering._

…

"_Yu…I'm so sorry, I…I failed you, I…didn't survive, even though you did, and I'm just… I'm so sorry… _Gomenasai, Yu…"

"_...Stop apologizing…once should be enough…"_

_God, if He does exist, must have noticed the heavy lump in Kanda's throat as he was somehow given strength to keep talking. He had to keep talking. He was losing the boy…he was losing Allen to the fight that was _won_._

_..._

"Gomenasai, Yu_… I almost died on you again…" Allen sighed and smiled weakly. Kanda stared at him. What the fuck was the bean-sprout talking about?_

It took a real effort not to continue down the vortex of his memories. The last one was already of this life – and he knew there would have also been the incident in the mines in Russia had he not forcefully pushed the memories away. He had _just_ been able to stop the continuous flow within a few weeks, if this meant they would start overtaking his head again…

Crouching down next to the white-haired Xion, he frowned as he saw the human arm was still gripping a bulky, white-and-black sword, and Allen's Innocence-infested arm was nonexistent inside the airy sleeve. Slowly and lightly he touched the human hand, unable to answer Allen's words from before – too much had gone through Kanda's head between that and now anyway. The silvery eyes searched for eye-contact as the partly broken ribcage heaved under the darkened and bloody silk of the shirt. Whatever this blue vest-like thing had been, it wasn't anymore. Acid and fire had burned it and it was shredded where it still was present. Kanda knew the Xions' uniforms were full of the Laboratory's inventions, able to protect from weather as well as attacks almost as well as any government's secret high-tech armors did. But the Noah were no easy opponent for anyone…including each other.

_I should have gotten rid of Jasdevi, he dared to THIS to Moyashi._

The sword form of Crown Clown eventually returned to its normal place when Kanda wasn't letting go of the hand holding it. The dark cobalt eyes noted how the silvery ones slowly watered as the overly responsible role of the Breaker of Time diminished with the Invocation.

"K-Kanda… help Alma…" the smallest spark of worry turned ablaze in those silver eyes. Kanda felt his back tighten as Allen's eyes also glazed over, hiding the heart, as the white-haired one called out his Past lover's surname instead of the more instinctive first name from earlier. But the mention of Alma's name rang quite a few warning bells in the samurai's head as well. His eyes rounded just a little and he quickly made a makeshift pillow from his cardigan to support Allen's head as the boy still lay unmoving on his back.

Kanda swore under his breath as he had to violently tear his focus away from the Xion – he knew Allen wasn't nearly broken enough to really break now – and searched for the stark white he knew would let him in on Alma's whereabouts. Only now he became truly aware of his surrounding besides the Xion and the amount of destruction almost took him by surprise. It seemed only this apartment had suffered, but that was just because it had two floors; the ceiling was practically the floor now, with the leftovers of whatever furniture had come down squashed on and over whatever of the kind this level had had. He spotted Miranda from inside a perfect circle of almost no rubble and Kanda knew the woman had passed out from using Timeout. Marie was staring straight at him from beside the dark-brown-haired German, his eyes overtaken by emotions that shifted from ridiculously strong to distant within the dozen seconds Kanda kept the eye-contact.

Then he found what he was looking for.

"Don't even move a finger", he barked at Allen before running and jumping over to what had been perfect and thick glass doors to the balcony. Alma was heaving heavily on the floor, both his arms broken off his body. The sword he, Kanda, had made, was still squeezed by a hand, but the length that was supposed to be wrist and arm was merely white powder with a distinct footprint of Jasdevi's boot. At least the other arm was just ripped off and thrown away somewhere…but this one…

"…That…can't be fixed…" Alma mumbled, like he was reading Kanda's thoughts. The taller man frowned as he returned his attention to the face that had looked unconscious just now. Alma was grinning carefully, minding the cracks from the obvious fist-size dents in the whiteness. His eyes were still there, though, and that was _big_ relief. Kanda sighed out the worry over if his creation had taken Alma over the edge like the Innocence had in the Past.

"_Where's the other one?"_ he asked in Japanese, because that way Alma would stop grinning like all was well and wake up to the reality that they had just barely come out of this without losing everything they had worked for.

"Balcony", came the answer from the now more serious lips. Soon the blue eyes found it, too, it was just very out of place in the gray space with the pure white and cracked surface. Kanda went through the hole at the bottom of a big panel of glass and fetched it without a glance at Hong Kong nightlife far below. He crouched and used his _Kajiya_ (Smith) to mend the broken off arm to its place so it regained basic functions. He had done this so many times…with different body parts as well as this one.

_It's the arm as Allen's Innocence_, he noted unconsciously.

"_I'll have that Old Geezer fix you properly tomorrow. Can you walk?_"

"I'm fine. Just please seal this away again…" Alma meant the sword and Kanda was almost happy to comply. He had no idea of what had happened with it. It was supposed to be able to wound the Noah, but Jasdevi hadn't really had any evident marks on him. Yet he didn't even think of asking, his mind too preoccupied with the present.

_I need to get all of them the hell out of here._

* * *

The hot instant coffee was what Kanda ordered from the comparably scrappy looking street vendor. The girl with pink hair extension behind the counter smiled in a way that was perhaps what men orientated a little differently would think as cute.

_Stop flirting with him!_ he snarled inside his tired head before Allen even noticed the emotion flaring inside him. A small blush crept on his cheeks even before Kanda's fingers brushed against his as he handed over the coffee.

Tokyo.

Allen hadn't even noticed when they crossed over to the other country, maybe because the airplane they had used was the same, amazing one that Adna and Alma had used to get away from them in Russia.

_Too much has happened in three days_, he mused as he sipped at the coffee. It was bad, but high on caffeine. Just what he needed to keep going, so the people he was now surrounded with would give him a little fewer worried glances. Yes, he had been wounded, pretty seriously at that, but he wasn't only an Exorcist of the Past but a Xion of Present. He had the secret code to a special internationally working private hospital, where he would get the best possible nanotechnology-infused shots and a well-sized vile of the same stuff to take along before anyone even asked who he was. Honestly, it bugged Allen enough to hack into his phone's main system and cause his locator a breakdown without a warning signal going off, and well, even still, he had to block all texts and calls from Lavi and various other numbers. He had been trying so hard _not_ to use the tricks Cross had thought him…what Mana and Neah had both written handbooks on… Mana, who had left Neah's handbook to Cross, for him to give it to Allen; Mana, who had written: "For our dear boy, for use in an emergency".

Allen had tried so hard to keep himself away from the DI when he was younger and to not reveal the knowledge he had grown up surrounded with to anyone, but what little he had heard these past few days when he wasn't knocked out by the medicine shots he gave himself, made him very aware.

"_We are going to bring down the last remnants of the Clan of Noah", Alma translated from the muttered, almost mythical-sounding old Japanese Kanda had changed into. It wasn't just Allen who was worn out from this mental and physical bouncing they had done for a day, it was affecting the swordsman as well. And Alma was the one they had had to come to Japan for. To repair at least one arm._

"_The…Noah? But isn't…"_

"_Yes, Adna is a Noah. But no ordinary Noah, he's the Double. The…one that doesn't exist. The one that was handcrafted to suit its chosen holder…"_

"…_How? How can you bring down what exists in all of us, the part within us that is loyal to the original Noah…"_

"_Think about it", Kanda spoke, suddenly, still not looking into Allen's eyes, "Why would the original Noah ever have had children after the Great Flood if their true nature was to destroy humanity? Why have children with your comrades and then become so intent to kill your own offspring? Humans are cruel, but not in that kind of twisted way. No, this 'will' they carry is born out of the endless rebirths, out of the essence of human wearing out after many millennia. They no longer carry on the original Noah, but mare shadows of them."_

"_So you're saying… Humans are worth fighting for?" it was a weird question to form with his own lips, but Allen had to get it out. Kanda was the…holder…of a Noah, after all. Kanda's answer came slowly:_

"_Humanity is. Humane things… Humans are… rarely of the worth they think they are. As a whole, however… humans carry the rule of the universe, the will to live, to _exist_."_

"_They just often forget that is the most important thing. Succumb into their chase of pleasure instead of happiness. Forget everything else beside them is valuable as well... So we will take down the Noah, not only those carrying them now, but the Noah in all of us", Alma said. Allen almost choked in his own breath:_

"_But that would alter the whole world! The Noah have been messengers through time, they create a sort of a shared consciousness between all the population on this planet, they are a PART of ourselves…!"_

"_They are. But what they once were and what they are now have almost no relation. Now they have become the darkness, cold, distant, cruel: inhumane. It no longer pays back to have them awakened inside, their Memories, their so-called token elements, their powers…"_

"…_What of the Innocence, then? What would become of it, of us, Xions, if the power we balance against disappears…?"_

_Kanda frowned and stayed quiet, so Alma answered; his voice so weak it was almost a whisper._

"_Who knows... Maybe it will become the one and only power in this world. Maybe it will disappear alongside the Noah and Dark Matter. The latter would be better, a more…secure answer._

_Allen, humans are not what they used to be, either. Humans have developed from the sneaky hunters, the brutal kill-or-get-killed times. Humans are finding a way to bring hope to the planet itself, now, on the edge of its destruction, its children that so cruelly used the planet's resources, are waking up one by one and actually sharing themselves with people they never met face to face and have no relation to. They are forming an alliance, strength, just like the Noah did long ago. Even if Dark Matter and Innocence were to be gone forever, this new power would keep rising. It is time humanity turned a new leaf in the history books and cleansed the world."_

"You going to drink that cold shit, Moyashi?" Kanda asked, his brow creased ever so slightly. One would not notice these meaningful faces he made if they didn't know him well. And Allen did. Because Kanda had talked to him, late last night. Kanda Yu had, by simply talking with him, made the Past Allen Walker melt into one existence with the new one.

_His long fingers were holding Allen's, lightly, but there. So very _painfully_ there. This was what Allen had been dreading and waiting for since he saw the man launch himself in between the Xion and the Noah of Bonds. No, even longer: ever since the Call in his mind quieted down and the unstoppable urge he had felt to fly faster than nothing else had diminished. It was like a child fearing the day when they must become adults. Allen's heart was broken, in pieces, beyond repair. His mind felt like distant clusters of things in a gutter somewhere. What if he was wrong in trusting the man he loved? What if Kanda really had nothing but Adna, the oddity of a Noah, within his heart and mind?_

_Then Kanda spoke, and took the younger one completely by surprise in telling the same story that Allen had told on their way from the mines to town in Siberia. The story from their Past lives, the ups and downs, the War, the Order, everybody…everything came out and it was so fulfilling. And just like Allen had, their relationship, with its troublesome nature and late bloom, was left unspoken by the man. Up until Allen found himself crying from sheer relief, from happiness – he had been so worried and on edge about the Past but now it showed itself in front of him as a natural thing, a continuum to this day, instead of a circle where this life was just a repeat of the old one. Kanda's grip on the white-haired Xion's fingers tightened at the sight of tears and those deep blue eyes locked into the silver ones._

"_You…don't need try and…console me you know…I… know that you are bad with words anyway. It's just that…I'm so happy you really Remember. Not just what you said...but what you didn't say as well…" the tears kept coming, uncaring of Allen's tries to keep them at bay. This was happening so fast. Just like the whole thing with Orb and Adna, just like…well, practically everything in this and the past life that ever impacted him the most. He was acting like a teenager but in cue with the tightening edges of Kanda's eyes, the Xion also started to feel the pull again. Had he…already forgiven the man for betraying him?_

"_Baka", Kanda glared at Allen with silently fuming eyes, giving him that look Allen had in the beginning thought was the mark of confusion, of slow thinking. He had learned it meant something not quite so obvious: it was exasperation, an emotion hand in hand with Kanda thinking "How the fuck do I get through to him when his skull is so fucking _thick_?". Then the Xion realized this was the first time in these two days that Kanda had looked into his eyes _and_ the first time the man badmouthed him for since...since they parted last time. Allen's mouth fell agape in the emotional state he was in, amazed at how suddenly it seemed like he had not only forgiven, but also gotten Yu back. Yu, his beloved, the man that he could be completely and utterly honest with, who he could vent everything he had to hide on, Yu, who had seemed lost forever after the incident in Russia._

"_I-I have name! …What...what now?" he almost trembled; it was so wonderful to have this feeling of unity again, but at the same time, he knew this was the question that they needed to find an answer to. Allen now knew their plans, even if he didn't completely agree with them, and he was with them like an accomplice would, but… Allen wasn't ready to get rejected from this man's life twice within a few months. God, it was February, the month he had died in the last life. He didn't see himself squeezing the life out of Kanda's hands by now._

_Yet again, the simplicity and clearness of Kanda's swept him off his feet._

"_That is simple, _Allen Walker_", the name came out softly and the short, straight hair moved with the breath as a smirk went with the rest of the sentence, "You are kidnapped."_

"You bought it for me", he answered, smiling. Smiling still made his heart throb; hurt where it had been broken. But it was healing. God bless, he was being healed with every breath he took, every blink of an eye, every small, oh so small detail of physical existence, because he had understood why there was such a thing between them as Calling.

It was because Kanda was the same as him. A shift in the expected, the darkness walking under the bright sun and blue sky, a being of night under the glare of Light, like Allen was the opposite, the light in the darkest night, under the lightless moon, pressured by the Dark. Allen had had the 14th, the traitor among Noah Clan. Kanda now had Adna, a Noah that wasn't a Noah. They were two birds of a feather, the same. The blue tendrils of power this new Allen had were the same color as Mûgen's light.

"You are a very considerate kidnapper. Who would've thought", the Xion grinned even as Kanda was tossing the half-drank coffee into a bin.

He was ready to fight tooth and nail to keep this relative peace – and never let Kanda Yu slip into darkness on his own again.

* * *

/ A/N: There we have it. I'm nowhere done with this fic, but now this was chapter with information loads again. Hope you have gotten it by now: with my fics, the readers have to be awake. xDD Next chapter...hmm... possible true yullen (FINALLY!)...if I feel like it that is. Come on, I've been teasing you for 15 chapters with practically no scenes of the pairing this fic was born for, why are there NO COMPLAINTS, no SPECULATIONS, except for the few dear people who blow my mind into giddy-fangirl-mode without a pause? xD

This is what I want to say though: Please visit my Bio! I have a poll asking what series I should do my next fic on, and I really need some more people to click their answers in there. :D Seriously, I'm free of school now, finally about to graduate, and I have _time_ for more than one fic. :3 /


	16. Behind the Door Eye Candy

/ A/N: 6000+ words. I really wanted write even more, but then I once again realized how long it has been since the last update and felt too guilty to keep this to myself only anymore. ^^; Yes, I am very sorry, as you probably can guess, and yes, it was IRL stuff that was making me slow, nothing special.

For once, I feel like putting in a warning: OOC Kanda. Yep. Cuz he was being an ass as usual but what ended up written…well, see for yourselves…

Please enjoy. x3 /

* * *

**16. Behind the Door (Eye Candy)**

"Shut your trap", Kanda lashed at Marie, though it was more than obvious the bigger man was merely concerned for Alma. Allen watched the heated debate with a worried frown. They had barely come back from their little side-tour of getting Allen a horrible coffee when Zu had called Kanda and asked for help – and Kanda had agreed _without_ a scoff. By wearing Alma's clothes and with the big bruise on Allen's face partly healed, partly covered with make-up, the Xion had turned presentable even for the judgmental Tokyo residents. Not that they probably would have asked even if he let the pain show when walking or brushed his hair more to the side so that the two scars actually showed. Sitting on a stool backwards, leaning on it with his still hidden arms, Allen watched as Kanda used that "Smith power" of his again.

_I feel like outsider_, the white-haired man noted and smiled weakly. It was surprisingly unnerving not to get the touch of his old self anymore for these mental notes. Really, he was the same as he was before last night and Kanda's talk…right?

The grey eyes wondered back to the object of his troubles.

"_That is simple, Allen Walker."_

Kanda had spoken his name for the very first time in this life. Before, in Russia, he had tried to say it, but it had become just the first and last vowels or something. Why hadn't Allen paid that any attention yesterday night? He had probably missed the chance to pry out some more out of the secretive part-Noah-part-Xion.

_Feels good to hear my name, even if it wasn't said with the accent I Remember, even if it was just meaningless slip on his part_, Allen thought and smiled to himself as Alma opened his brown eyes and joined Marie's side in the debate of Shut-Up-When-You-Talk-To-Me (Kanda) against You-Are-Not-The-Only-One-Allowed-To-Worry (Marie). Really, it seemed like Marie was actually right with his thinking, that Kanda was just worried for Alma, whose condition had not exactly stabilized much after Zu's treatment of the still-attachable limb.

It was a long quarter of an hour later that Miranda's timid voice broke the angry curses Kanda had been pouring on everyone in the room:

"Uh…um…! The…the food is ready… Please come eat?" Marie and Allen sighed in unison, relieved, as the black-haired Noah stopped his endless profanities and the mood lightened greatly. Alma slapped Kanda's hand and forced his friend to stop his perfectionist retries. The light of the New Power faded as Marie and Master Zu already headed towards the small kitchen in the small apartment, enjoying some small-talk to wash out the dirtiness of their comrade's mouth. Alma glanced at Allen who hadn't moved from his place on the stool even though the white-haired man was _obviously_ the hungriest of them all, and slowly made his way to the door of his and Kanda's bedroom, closing it behind him. Allen mentally thanked the other.

"Kanda."

"What now, Moyashi?" grumbled from the back that was turned to Allen. Kanda didn't seem to want to show his _Kajiya_ to the Xion, even now when the white-haired man already had a pretty good idea of what it did. They both knew that eventually they would have to talk more. That the Noah would have to explain the Xion what they were actually doing to reach their goal, and there were also the matters of these New Powers as Allen mentally called them and the promise in the Past _and_ the problem of him staying with these people in general. He couldn't possibly hide from the DI forever.

_But now is not the time for that._

"I'm coming too. To that job interview tonight."

"What? You'll get in the way", the answer he got was lashed out at him even though Allen couldn't even see the undoubtedly pissed off face.

"I'll just stick to you if they don't know any English! Besides performing is my specialty, I won't be recognized if I went with colored lenses on or something…"

"Like hell you're going there wearing some fucking FAKE EYES", now Kanda finally turned to look at Allen, his deep blue eyes ablaze with something not quite angry but nothing nice, either. Allen knew he was pouting when he answered, but he didn't care:

"Hey, even if we aren't staying here for long we need to get some more money before we leave. In the Tokyo night life if anywhere even _I_ can pass for just someone who bleached my hair just to stick out, and you _know_ it's the two of us that are the movable parts in this puzzle", before he was able to shut up, his so far reasonable thinking also turned flawed as he continue in the flow, "Anyway, I _know_ the club that person you know owns is some underground bar or something – in that type of business, you can't deny the profit of a face that looks like a kid's when I'm already nine…teen…"

Kanda just stared at him, his hands, already in tight fists, shaking just the tiniest bit in his attempts to contain a new burst of rage. Allen knew his mistake, alright, he _really did_. What had been in that coffee, to make him blurt out something like that? He had sounded like he was _willing to sell himself_. He clamped shut his mouth which had been left hanging open at the clearly enraged reaction he received, now scared to the bone.

_I always pissed him off in the Past so this should not be anything to worry about… But in this life, I _always_ feared him to begin with! Back then, he was probably already a Noah, but he was in human form – I never feared Tyki in the train when we first met him, why would I have been afraid of this Noah… God, I'm rambling again, I must be pretty freaked out._

Indeed, Allen's heart was racing blood through his veins in such panicked speed it was a wonder. Maybe because even the fight with Jasdevi hadn't really provoked much of a physical reaction from him it felt like this now. He was overreacting at his own reactions, surely.

"…Do what you want", the low voice snapped then, taking Allen completely by surprise. His eyes widened and his grip on the stool loosened, his heart felt like it stopped before it continued ramming the life pace through him in another type of excitement. Kanda just agreed to take him, didn't he?

"Yay!"

The black-haired man turned and made his way out of the room so fast Allen's happy exclamation hardly reached his ears. It was ridiculous how happy something, like the prospect of going to work with Kanda in a place where he would see the man _dressed up_ and freely admire his working ethics, made him – it was mind-blowing.

_19 years without a sweetheart can do that_, his inner Lavi explained and Allen let out a small laugh, standing up and following in Kanda's footsteps through the door and to the kitchen.

The aroma of the food Miranda had somehow managed to make out of the very few ingredients they had had left made his mouth water and soon enough, the simple need to fill his starving stomach took over the well recovering Xion.

_Well, it's not like I have much of a sweetheart now, either_, he thought, glancing at the one among them that fit this country the best, _But being let into their secrets, bit by bit…I'm close._

* * *

Allen's mouth did _not_ hang open at the sight, but merely because he had just now been sharply reprimanded of doing so all the time while on the way to the place. He wasn't an uncivilized idiot, he had known Tokyo was crazy and that the night life was even crazier, but this…this city of neon, the well-dressed people of all ages (especially young people like him, though) and the sheer amount of _eye candy_ was just…mind-blowing. And by eye candy, he meant attractive places, windows _and_ people. Man, it was already causing his mind to go on a loop of "_BEE-EE-EE"_ like the sound the machine made when your heart stopped in dramas.

Then Kanda turned a sharp corner to something akin to an alley, with almost nothing but two high walls and some rare doors on both of them. The man didn't wait for him, but Allen had been sticking as close as he could with the long strides that formed Kanda's walk. Kanda opened a side door that had absolutely no signs or anything that would differentiate it from the others. It didn't creak the slightest when Allen pulled it closed behind him. He was engulfed in…fumes. Smells and swirls of both tobacco smoke and incense. It was rather dark, but the furniture on the short hallway was white so it glowed in what light there was. The hallway and the four rooms they passed among it were also packed full of people preparing themselves and each other. Allen saw some outrageous lingerie flash from under a button-up shirt that was still undone. Men and women were all mixed up in the rooms, which made him blush even with just the realization of just what he was volunteering to…

"Turn back, moyashi", Kanda's voice was suddenly close to his ear and he pretty much blushed even harder. The Noah was calm – he had _known_ the place was something…like this. They were standing in front of a white door that had a flashy sign in Japanese and some scrappy handwriting in Western that said "BOSS".

"What? I won't!" he whispered back, a bit angry at Kanda thinking he wouldn't be able to take any more than this.

"If the employees' rooms make you that embarrassed, you are going to faint on the actual side", the man said, pulling his face further from Allen's and actually daring to _smirk_.

"I said I'm coming so I am. And I won't faint!" Allen argued, trying to beat his red hot cheeks and compose himself as Kanda was already opening the door.

A huge person snorted, amused at the sight of Kanda in the surprisingly clean and organized office. The muscular build and shaved head added to the height that did well on the list of the tallest people known to Allen spoke of masculinity, but even from under the soft feather lining of the black, shirtless coat the Xion could see the English "Ms." from before the person's name. Meaning, that this giant that actually reminded Allen more of Marie than anything or anyone else, was _female_.

When she spoke, it was Japanese. Even the voice was on the masculine side, but Kanda had no hesitation in calling her and old hag (in English). Maybe he said that just to make sure Allen knew the gender of this person who had to be the boss. They exchanged a few words in Japanese after that, as the woman leveled Allen a glare. Then she went and sat behind the old but sturdy desk, in a seat that seemed too low for her, and leaned on her hands.

"Kanda I do know but I need your details, boy", she said in accented English, and Allen straightened his back.

"Certainly, Miss, I will answer any questions you have. I assure you my background is clean, as well", he answered with his best behavior. Her eyes glinted as she clicked her tongue approvingly:

"Cleaner than that boy's, at least, I'm sure", she snorted nodding towards the dark-haired one, "Why don't you tell me about yourself?" she had a professional smile on her lips, which actually made Allen feel more pressured than reassured, but he spoke anyway. He told her about his days as an orphan in Europe, fostered by Mana Walker and later on the New continent of Blessing by Cross Marian, summing up his education up till second year in upper secondary (since that was where he had been at when he had to leave) and his rather varied work-experience (leaving out the most shady stuff). Through the whole time Allen spoke, Kanda simply sat in the other chair in front of the Boss's table, his dark eyes fixed on something which probably only existed inside his head to begin with, and waited quietly.

_Was I expecting something from him? Something like _support_ or a word of recommendation? How silly of me. How NAÏVE of me._

After about an hour of chatting about necessary and unnecessary things, the woman simply handed them contracts, already filled and signed by someone who had a Chinese name (because _that_ is not what Japanese looks like, for sure) and Kanda penned an intricate character on the paper and finished his signature with two lines. His name wasn't very long, no, but to Allen it really looked like had only written one syllable and left the rest to be deducted from two straight lines. And the man hadn't even glanced at the paper he was signing. The Xion hurried to sign his document and agreed to come fetch his copy after work before running after Kanda who had already left the room.

"Just how many times have you been here? You didn't even read the contract!" he puffed as he entered a dark room in Kanda's footsteps.

"Infinite number of visits."

"_INFINITE_?"

The dark eyes turned to Allen as the lights flickered on in the room the younger one recognized as one that held the uniforms.

"As a customer, as a worker, too many times for you to care for the details. Seems you gotta make do with the women's button-ups for now, they've run out of men's small", the man went deeper inside, collecting uniform parts without much more than a brief glance at them. Yes, it was obvious Kanda had done this many times before.

_HE KNOWS MY SIZE_, screamed a voice inside Allen's mind but the Xion decidedly ignored it.

"Hey hey, at least tell what I am to wear…!" Allen burst, embarrassed at the info of having to wear a women's shirt, "Besides, I can just take a bigger shirt for today…"

In the end, this is what he ended up wearing:

Black jeans with some loose straps,

a light blue, long women's shirt ("The shirt has to stick to your skin, moyashi."),

a shining white waiter's apron

and a long, black jewel-tie.

Since Allen had already been wearing shiny black dress shoes he didn't need to change those, at least.

"You are supposed to have a nametag but since you have no name yet you're gonna have to make do with nothing", Kanda said, pulling his hair to a lower ponytail. As short as his hair was, it was obviously just a habit. He didn't wear an apron tied around his hips, but that was probably just his attitude again.

"You use fake names here?" the Xion was starting to catch up to Kanda's pace again, for his own relief. Kanda nodded, putting on his own tag which read "Rain" in Western. They walked from the otherwise empty dressing room (they were late to start the shift).

"No risks with the customers," was the answer he got.

Just as they were about to open a shiny white door that had the club's name sign hanging from it, the boss appeared from her room. Her eyes inspected the both of them carefully, nodding approvingly at Kanda and then saying:

"Hmm, Kanda-san, maybe you should help Allen-kun out a little with the details?"

"He's fine as he is, Mahoja-_san_", Kanda snapped at her words like they were a threat. He put a weight on the honorific and from that Allen concluded that the Noah was indeed being hostile.

"Uh, Kanda, you shouldn't be disrespectful to your employer…" the Xion lightly pulled at Kanda's arm as he said this, but the unexpected reaction got him to back out two-three steps. Kanda lashed a Glare of _Are You Stupid or What_ on him as the boss actually let out snort and laughed silently.

"That woman is not the Boss here, _idiot_ Moyashi. She's only her fucking bodyguard!"

"Well, I _am_ also her second-in-command, Kanda-san, so if you would be so kind and do those little pin-ups for our newbie?" in this sentence, her skill of English just rose sky-high from the interview in Allen's eyes, making the boy realize that this woman by the name of Mahoja might just be something completely else.

Grudgingly, after a murdering Glare at Mahoja, Kanda turned at yanked Allen closer, swiftly undoing four highest buttons from the shirt, lifting the tie from around the collar to the pale neck instead, like he wore it himself. He then went on to pull the shirt out from under Allen's belt, even though the white apron covered the front, and finally pulled the white hair to a neat and tight ponytail – all the while standing in front of the boy, clearly knowing what was where without looking around. Kanda's grip was painful when the man took Allen from his shoulders and made him turn two circles under Mahoja's watchful eye. The woman nodded, smiling with a slight amusement, and Kanda pushed the confused white-haired Xion to the club's side fuming with unknown anger.

"_Oi_, is that girl in this shift?" he shouted over the loud music and others to the worker near a flashy rainbow of bottles on a glass shelf. The man seemed to recognize Kanda and turned, a professional smile under the groomed moustache:

"If it is Cho-chan you mean, yes, she is here. It is rare of you to be searching for her first thing in the shift, may I ask what—"

"No, you may not. Look after the Moyashi", interrupting the older man's sentence the oriental man dived into the amazingly large group of dancers and Allen caught a glimpse of him making his way up the blue and green LED lighted stairway across the lower floor.

Soon the silvery eyes turned to the surroundings that simply _poured_ on him, all the detailed finishing on the club itself, the sea of different types and colors of lights crowned with a human sized glittering disco ball hanging from the roof by four wires which also supported some sort of pipe work.

_That's probably for adding a rain of glitter on the dancers below…_ Allen mused, thinking back on the clubs he had had to get Cross out of and well, the movies he had seen. He hadn't really visited even _one_ of these places voluntarily his whole life.

It came like fire from the sky, the realization of the reality. Because suddenly, his eyes were caught on this group around a table not too far to the right from the bar, they seemed to be all good friends together and they consisted of two gay couples (both gay and lesbian presented), a straight couple and two other friends that seemed to be a little to the cross-dressing side. Allen could feel his eyes pop from the heat on his cheeks as the other one of the gay couple turned around in his boyfriend's arms and kissed him lavishly. Gays, lesbians, straights, men in drag, women in suits, S&M…anything that had to do with sexuality and/or fetishes was present. The Xion was even able to pick up some talk about "back rooms"…

_And this is Kanda's usual workplace in Tokyo? I knew I might see something weird, but this is like…oriental Vegas!_

He woke from his circle of peeking, blushing and staring at the floor embarrassed by a painful nip on his nose. Kanda was back standing in front of him, frowning like the pissed off person he was as someone was obviously calling for "Rain" from the table Allen had first noticed. Beside him was reddish-brown-haired girl in the waitress' uniform, smiling a curious, fun smile at Allen.

"_What a cutie_! _Can I eat him, can I, can I?_" she squealed in Japanese (not that Allen understood anything), making to brush Allen's cheeks – only to be stopped by Kanda's fast hand.

"_No way in hell. Remember: this thing is mine"_, Kanda growled, obviously angered by the girl's delight. She startled a little and hurried a nod, but the smile soon returned on her face. Allen tried his hardest to understand the exchanged words, but failed miserably…

_I'm sure he said something odd!_ he thought, becoming interested in this girl who had gotten such a tone out of Kanda. Her name tag read "Chopin", which also worked to make the Xion interested in her.

"Moyashi, this is Chomesuke, she'll teach you."

"Wh-what? I thought you were going to teach me ropes…" Allen couldn't help blurting, the noisiness and the overall mixture of different sensations in the club caused a troubling inability to think properly. Plus, in these moving lights, those well-fit clothes, Kanda really looked good.

_I want him to teach me. I want to be with him…!_

"Mr. Rain here is a very popular waiter, so you just can't have him all to yourself if you don't pay…sorry! But I'll do my best to help you get gist of it!" Chomesuke said, smiling a wide smile and waving after Kanda, who took off to the table with various sexualities. Allen's eyes followed him, though he spoke to the girl:

"Uh…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say you are a bad instructor or anything… I… didn't know he was that popular… A-and, uh, your English sounds excellent!"

"Thank you. Oh wow, you're British aren't you?" her smile just kept getting wider, though the white-haired youth wasn't paying attention at all.

"Well, I guess…"

"Hehe, you're cute, staring at your beloved like that! Don't worry, they might try but he has never let anyone do anything to him. His fame is formed by his face and hair…though I wonder why he had to cut it like that…" she was pouting when Allen finally ripped his gaze off the Noah and forced himself to concentrate on the matter at hand.

"Well, shall we get to the business? I mean, we gotta earn our wages, right?" he smiled politely as he said this and rose to his feet from bar chair. Chomesuke smiled back.

"Yes. He told you my name already, but please call me Cho-chan like everybody. Fits to both the real and fake name, you know, really handy", she winked and took Allen's hand to pull him through the dancing mass on the shining floor. Allen tried to give his name in turn, but after a few tries at shouting he just gave up – and maybe it was better not to give his real name here anyway.

It turned out Chomesuke – Cho-chan – was a _natural_ at helping. She decided to do her work a little slower so Allen could learn by observing carefully, instead of just explaining on top of explaining. Her work was basically taking and delivering orders of food and Allen learned that he was going to do that, too (the apron was only worn by the waiters on that side). But Cho-chan also spent some moments simply having fun with the customers, almost-showing her panties to prove their color at a betting table, and so on. Soon enough Allen found the girl endearing, as presumably did all the people who called out to her for service, as well.

What was surprising about this club was that even though the alcohol was flowing at an almost Cross-level pace and there were seriously intoxicated people all over, it was relatively calm. The air of violence and illegality was simply not there; unlike in the pubs and clubs Cross had taken Allen to before. The customers could be called obedient, though extremely perverted and a little rowdy at that. Maybe it had to do with the all-sexualities-go mentality. Extremely liberal, yeah, that's what this was all about.

The club was open Tuesday-Sunday, from 7 PM to 5 AM. The working hours in their shift were from 7 PM to 12 PM, but after two weeks, or by special arrangements, one could change their shift. Five hours a day, six days a week – not bad at all, in Allen's opinion. The pay was good and the place was not too hard to maintain (except for the toilets: they made him wonder if there really was a God). Allen was introduced to Chaoji Han, a Chinese chef who had worked in the club since it was founded in 2009. He was a little hapless at times, a big softie, but Cho-chan said he was the kind that would save the world if he just had the power to. This made Allen feel even happier, after all, he knew Chaoji. He remembered the man whom he had only properly spoke with after their fight in Edo and the Ark, the one who had become one General Tiedoll's "sons" next to Kanda and Marie. Seeing him here, doing well and….simply living a good life, was a fulfilling feeling.

_I wonder what Kanda thought when he met Chaoji. …I wonder _when_ Kanda actually even Remembered everything_, Allen wondered as he helped Cho-chan clean the tables in an empty corner.

* * *

He was breathing hard, shallow breaths, his muscles trying their best to keep up with his opponent, but it was turning out impossible.

_Damn BaKanda, can't he even pretend to be conscious of my situation?_

Yes, Allen was running after Kanda and his damn motorbike.

In the beach.

In the SAND.

_Since when has he had motorbike? And here I thought that aircraft would be the only thing he would force me to live alongside._

To hell with the signs of a beautiful sunrise in the horizon, to hell with whatever the reason for them to end up like this after their first night at work was… Allen was not gaining anything from this, he had been up for 20 hours, and he wasn't completely recovered from the Hong Kong incident after all.

_Not to mention the mental trouble this Noah and his grand plans and secrets are giving me._

Then, rather suddenly, the black monster with an oversized engine turned sharply, the rear wheel making a beautiful cascade of the sand flying from the rotating force. Its owner set his foot on the ground to steady the bike and took off his black-and-silver helmet, turning to glance at Allen. A smirk turned the sides of Kanda's mouth upward slightly and suddenly Allen felt it again: the presence of his true feelings, of belonging to, longing for, wishing to destroy or devour, of both loving and hating the very person in front of him with all he had – all at the same time.

_I'm exhausted from the job and this whole side trip to top it off with old wounds, but… I'm alone with him. Just me and Kanda. And he just smiled. God, I'm insane, but it's all worth it!_

"The fuck… were you trying to kill me…? That was…too fast…" he panted, managing an angry look on his face with ease – hate was part of what he felt for this man, after all. Kanda hung his helmet on the bike's handle and lifted his other foot over the wide seat, now standing on the other side of the thing from Allen. The Xion knew very well what he looked like, breathing heavily, face burning and sweaty all over, his hair messy and his shoes full of sand, but he wasn't really paying attention to it all. Even if he really wanted to look his best in front of Kanda, the oriental raced man was simply something so stunningly gorgeous Allen could never, _ever_ match that elegance. So he didn't always bother.

"What a sucker for an Exorcist you make, Moyashi. This doesn't even equal to a fight with a Level 3", was the answer Allen's panted words received from the face now turned away. The Noah had no difficulties balancing his motorbike on the uneven, soft surface, so, quicker than the white-haired one made it to the other side of it, he was already sitting down on the sand, watching the horizon.

"Just…what is this? This… it's too romantic a scene for you to be in, with the sunrise pink sky and all", Allen couldn't help commenting, earning a long silence for an answer. He simply went around the bike and stood there, not far, but not close either, simply sharing the view of the slowly rising colors preceding the setting sun itself and the reflection.

Actually, the silence was so long the younger man had almost gotten his breathing back to normal before the least expected things happened.

"It's always been like this, hasn't it? We work, more or less, train, one on one if possible, then meet again, at a silent moment, and pass the time spiting each other to forcefully ruin the mood", was what Kanda said, with a serious expression on his profile, too. Suddenly it became almost too much for Allen to hold himself back, he…knew this part of Kanda, too, the one who spoke almost softly, coating what was reality into silken expressions with this English language he wasn't a natural in. He knew this side of the man he loved, because they had already shared a small lifetime, in the 19th Century. The short moments of peace, of alone time they had had, were such precious Memories to Allen… so Kanda had them, too?

"I… I have been meaning to ask, since you admitted to Remembering the Past… Just how much do you really Remember?" he blushed slightly, what an awkward question that was, considering his own line of thought, "And…well… What is it that you… you know… think about it…" …even more awkward.

_Way to go, Allen… He's gonna strangle me._

"Always, stupid. I have always had the memories", Kanda said calmly, if not just a little humored by Allen's obvious nervousness, "All of them. Before you were even born to this time, I had them. Why do you keep thinking about that so much you idiot?" then Kanda frowned, his thin brows making the shadows above his blue eyes deeper. He let his hand sink in the sand between them and then smoothed the surface of it.

"Sit here, Moyashi", he ordered coldly, but Allen didn't even flinch. Like so often in this life, this time he wasn't petrified by the fear he felt towards this man, but the opposite: like in the Past, he was drawn to Kanda, and…willing to endure the rough edges.

_We are finally going to have this talk, aren't we? He's going to tell me he knows what happened in the Past, knows the promise we made, but cannot comply. He'll reject me. So why am I not scared in the slightest?_

When Allen sat down, he did so towards Kanda, ignoring the beautiful sunrise, which was making the whole scene look somehow nostalgic and magical. That oriental face was glazed by the red and gold of the sunset.

The black-haired male was quiet for a while again, until he turned his gaze to Allen's silvery orbs and spoke:

" '_I, Allen Walker, Exorcist of Crown Clown, swear in this moment to forever and always again love this man I'm holding.'_ I gave you an oath with the same words, and told you that I would first find Alma and clear up all that's left between us, then come to you and talk things through. I have known Alma in this Century since I was but a child, that part is done. What is left is having this talk."

"But…you hate talking… Yu", Allen pronounced the name even more carefully than the words before it, shocked to the bone by the straightforwardness Kanda was showing. Suddenly all that was proving him he was alive at all (since it was impossible for this to really be happening after all) was his heart, pounding like a drum inside him. Kanda shrugged, well, it was just a very small movement, but Allen had learned to see these small things long ago already.

"Yes, I do. So you had better listen carefully, I'm not repeating myself: What I am working on right is not a wonderful, perfect world clear of darkness, it is a world where I can carry out my Promise without that fucking mad clan getting ahead of me in taking you. Otherwise, I wouldn't care fuck – even if I have a Noah inside me, even if the world is going to end up in another Great Flood, I just don't care.

Everything I used to feel for you, it's still there, only increased tenfold. I have seen you grow up, Moyashi, watched you battle the battles of daily life, and I've waited, I've waited so fucking long for you to realize who you are…who _we_ are. And you have chosen now, of all times, to try to catch up to me?" Kanda almost looked exasperated under the intense appearance, "There is no time for us here, it's the same as before, there are things that must be done and put first and it will just keep on getting busier when we leave Japan. Whether you come with me or not is your choice alone, but if you do come, you will be banished from the Order again, and pursued endlessly. It will be a repeat of the Past."

"Th-that… I don't really care if it will, to be honest", Allen whispered, feeling like he was suddenly pulled forcefully into those scrutinizing, blue eyes.

"What?" was all Kanda uttered, making the younger man shake with the force of the scrutiny, but he kept the contact.

"I… If…if you have always remembered… if you have always watched me… then you should have noticed… I'm not the same. You are not the same. Even if we Remember and hold on to what we used to be, it doesn't change the fact that…that in this life, I really don't want to end up like I did in the Past, I _wanted_ to change myself, and now I can see that I already had it in me. This me, this 'Allen Walker', is a really, really selfish being. All I really think about is you and the Promise – I don't honestly care so much about being a Xion, an Exorcist, or a student, or a good citizen… I just care about you. I want you to honor our Promise as well!"

Allen only moved to push stray strands of his white hair behind his ear as the gentle wind from the sea messed with them. He didn't want to have anything else than Yu in his field of vision – because yes, this was Yu, not the new Kanda and certainly not Adna, just _Yu_, the old one. Then his vision went blurry with black and pale skin and his own hair and arms, he fell to the sand with a quiet thud but wasn't at all shocked or taken aback by this turn of events. Quite the contrary, when long fingers pushed back his white hair and Allen was able to see that beautiful, handsome, flawless face above his, ebony black hair, though annoyingly short, still slightly moving from the action Kanda had taken… that long neck and edged shoulders, the sound of him breathing… it was like a dream. It had to be a dream.

Yu bent down, not touching Allen's face more than by his hair as he slowly positioned his lips to hover right under the half-a-year younger man's left ear.

"The Noah of Promise _will_ keep his Promise. But it is more than just words and happy endings for me, Moyashi. I will _devour_ your _everything_ and send you plummeting into oblivion, drag you beyond Hell, drench you in sin. Do you still comply?" he murmured, with a certain, disclosed tone. It was one that stopped Allen from shivering pleasurably and, instead, made him close his eyes and use his one mobile limb – his right foot – to try and embrace the man holding him down.

"If it gets me closer to you, I don't care what happens. My white hair does not cleanse me of my betrayal over my friends and family, of "God's Army", neither does my smile make me into an angel I never was. I thought you of all people would know what a vast darkness I harbor inside of me. I am yours to take, nothing else matters, _so what are you waiting for_? Prove me your words!"

And prove Kanda did. He kissed Allen with a burning passion, enraged and beastlike, violent in forcing out a gasp and taking advantage of it with his fast tongue. Allen tried to fight back but seemed to have no means to: he was utterly thrown into that promised darkness, succumbed into sin like he didn't remember ever having before, made insane in the blink of an eye.

God he loved the taste of Kanda's saliva, God he loved that blood from his lower lip was mixing in like it was, God he loved to be making himself hated by God. God he was in a place better than Seventh Heaven, and this was a mare kiss.

* * *

/ A/N: ...Aaaannnddd... now you're screaming: WHYYYYY? IT WAS JUST GETTING TO THE GOOD PART! Some of you realize right about now that yeah, you should've expected as much by the dirst A/N. ;D Anyway, I may continue from this or something completely different in the next chapter, depending on whether you people make sense in your reviews or not. :'D

How was the sneak peek of yullen? What do you think of my little bar over there? Are the two of them gonna have some PEACE for a while? I am hoping to see you ponder these questions. :) Do not give up on this fic, I will definetely NOT drop it till I finish it - with _style_. /


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